Would she be happier knowing or not knowing?

Question

I fancy a young lady that I have been friends with for a few years and I would like to tell her how I feel but I don't know if it would be fair to.

I will be leaving for two years in a few months (at the end of which I will return) and I don't know if it would be fair to her if we were to be dating, possibly fall in love or whatnot. Also, what if I were to die or if something else happened? Or if she were to like another but felt that she had to be loyal to me? What if something else happened? Would she be happier if we were just friends or if she knew how I felt?

The final quandary is that I don't know if I should tell her how I feel or if I should just allow her to continue on not knowing.

Answer 1

Don't live for tomorrow - it never comes.
Live for today - the here and now.
Ask her out the next time you see her.

Answer 2

Your situation is so heart-wrenching...! :'(

Like everyone else has said: I think it's her choice whether she'd be happier if you told her or not.

Tell her you love her... both as a friend, and romantically, and see what she says. Tell her that the friendship is more important over anything.

If you DO fall in love, 2 years is nothing. Think about the time AFTER that in which you guys will be together.
If she doesn't feel the same way, it doesn't matter - make sure it's clear that she doesn't feel the same way, but you guys still remain as friends. Keep in contact for the 2 years, and come back and see how things go from there.

Answer 3

In all fairness to you and to her, I feel that you should tell her what you have told us. Let her make the decision as to whether or not she wants to wait for you. You might be really surprised by her response. If you have been friends for a few years, she may know. If she chooses to remain friends, then that's alright too, but at least you won't be kicking yourself for not sharing your feelings with her, before you leave.

Answer 4

I think that you should tell her before you leave that way you all can talk and see what she thinks about it and you all can discuss your worries and see where that takes you all. Think about how would you feel if you left not telling her and you come back ( think possitive) to find out that she is with somebody and possibly having a baby or even engaged or married and then you deffinitely probably wouldn't tell her then and who knows she might feel the same way about you and you both will be sitting there wondering what could of been. Talk to her.

Answer 5

I would tell her how you feel. Suppose she feels something for you and you go off for 2 years without saying anything...she may feel like you had no interest and may get married to another in the time you are gone...She deserves to know that you are interested and then the two of you can discuss what comes next.

Answer 6

sounds like you are running a couple years behind and if you have'nt told her how you feel you need to! and i think you know this. now tell her and let her make the decision if she truly wants to wait. you owe it to the girl since you have been blowing smoke 3 YEARS. Maybe she just thinks your a just a good friend, and don't feel the same things you are. And if she does and you don't speakup WELL kiddo it's your lose. GOOD LUCK

Answer 7

To be honest, I once had a guy friend of mine tell me he liked me, which totally freaked me out. I definately would've been happier NOT knowing that. We would've at least stayed friends.

Then again, there's the other side. So you should try and hint at your feelings. If she responds (positively), then fully divulge them. Otherwise, backtrack, shut up and never mention them again for the sake of keeping the FRIENDSHIP intact.

Good luck.

Answer 8

I think that it would be a good idea to let her know. That doesn't mean you have to pursue a relationship, but bottling up emotions, especially for two more years will be tough. Two years is a long time, but who know what will happen when you get back. For me, i would feel better knowing.

Answer 9

Que lindo ... y dramatico. But you've been selfish. have you thought if she likes you too, and during all this time you haven't said anything. How about if she is the one to die ?, and loves you, and you never said a single word.

No, no, you have to tell her. Don't leave for tomorrow what you can do today.

Go and tell her sweety, time will tell ok. And if it is meant to be, it will be ... but you have to give a little push.

Answer 10

if it were me i would want u to tell me how u feel! but folow ur heart if u feel its the right time then tell her and this is something u need 2 fight for and look forward 2 when u return! so if u feel its the right time then do it or wait til u return (if u do)

Answer 11

If you love her let her know. But take the time to let her know you value the friendship the most. But be true, don't tell her and then go play and come back. Be honest. You have to have trust.