How do I get over someone who puts their hands on me? [[emergency!]]?

Question

I'm so deeply In love with my boyfriend. Since I was 12 I planned to marry him. We've been together for about 4 years now. Recently he's started putting his hands on me. [[Ex: Pushing me, Grabbing my wrists, Holding me on the floor, Pushing my head into walls, Biting my lips or face, Shoving the palm of his hand on my nose very hard, Slapping me, even grabbing my hand and making me hit myself.]] I love him with all of my heart and soul, but I now know that it's time to let him go and forget about giving him another chance. If i DO let him go..He's going to move to Alabama [[I live in Oklahoma]] I dont know if i can be without him that long. But i have to. I just need advice from people who have actually been through this. How do I let go of him without giving in? I've tried before but I always go back to him when he says the right words. No bullshit from you rude assholes please :-|

Answer 1

Is there really anything we can say. It sounds to me as if you are going to stay in this until you are dead. DEAD!!!!!

I have been there. I've been in love and in an abusive relationship and there isn't anything that you will listen too!!

DEATH!!! What does it mean to you. DEATH!! Are you ready for it at the ripe old age of 16. DEATH!!! Is this boy worth that.
DEATH!!! Isn't there anybody in your life that you would be leaving behind.

Ok, so lets not take it that far. How about this one.
DISFIGUREMENT!!
When he breaks your noses, it will be twisted forever, can you afford plastic surgery.
How about a 6 inch gash down your face. Scarred for life.

Let me tell you something, let him go to Alabama, its the best thing for you.
Do you love yourself. Do you love your life. Do you see anything in your future besides him. I hope so. I really do. But there is nothing I can say. You have to get out of it or get help now.
But the decision is yours. Please, I hope you make the right decision.
Love yourself enough to know that there is more to life than him.
Love yourself enough to know that your life matters more than he does.
Love yourself enough to know that it is time to get out.
Love yourself enough to know not to fall for his lines anymore.

Answer 2

Honey, you have to get the hell out of there.
I have been in the same situation myself, only I had a daughter to look after (not his). I loved this guy with all my heart and still have strong feelings, 4 years later, but I recognised then, that if I didn't walk away, I would end up dead. It is the best thing I ever did.

No one has the right to treat you this way, ever! And unfortunately, as you have given control over to him so fully, even if he wanted to change, he couldn't.
You have to let him go, and if you love him you will, because you don't want him to be the man he is when you're together now, you want him to be the man you remember, but isn't anymore. You both stand a better chance of happiness apart, and the further apart the better.
Find other things to occupy your time, family if you have any, online support groups, take a couple of evening classes, anything to stop you dwelling on the past and help build your confidence and sense of independence. Both of which you will need to develop if you are to find happiness in the future and not walk down the same path again.
Take some time out, go on a holiday, assert yourself and don't let him dominate you. Even more, don't let thoughts of him dominate you.
You are the one in control now, you have the power.
I won't lie to you, it will hurt like part of you has been physically ripped out, you will want to take him back more times than you have had hot dinners, but you must be strong, stronger than you probably believe you can be right now.

But let me ask you a question?

How long have you been strong already? It take strength to put up with that kind of abuse for so long. It takes strength to believe things will get better and not just accept the siutation. It takes strength to admit that something needs to be done now! You have all that strength inside you, it just a case of putting all of it to a different use.
The strength to let go and move on.

If you want to IM me, you can through my profile, if not, then the best of luck to you. You are in my thoughts.
Blessed be.

Answer 3

You should never get to the point where you need this boy or you need him in order for you to be the person you are. That just says that you don't know who you really are as an individual. You two have a history, but that doesn't mean that he can disrespect you physically or mentally. You stick with him and you will lose your individuality and possibly your life. I found it hard to break up with a guy I was with for 6 years but I knew that I could not thrive in education or my career because I was certain that this man did nothing for me and would only drag me down and make me more miserable. Yes, it was hard not to pick up the phone and call him or run back to him when I was feeling lonely--especially when he sounded sad, but it boils down to this, how much do you really love yourself? Enough to keep getting your a s s kicked by some guy when you know you're worth so much more than all the money in the world? I wish you all the luck. This guy was surely apart of your life, but he IS NOT your life. There are those whom are apart of your life just to teach you lessons and others who are destined to be significant long lasting figures in your life. You will find someone who loves you but you have to start with yourself.

Answer 4

First of all, it's not okay (the things he does to you) And don't let him make you feel that it is okay because you are not overreacting. That's how it starts and it gets worse from there. I was in an abusive relationship and had to leave him. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. We were married and I loved him wholeheartedly. But he didn't love me enough to stop hurting me. And that is how you must look at it. He isn't stopping and it is hurting you. It doesn't bother him when he does these things and it sounds to me like he likes humiliating you like that. Nothing good can come from this kind of relationship. I'm sorry for you.
When I left mine, I was hurt for a while, then shortly after (amazingly shortly after) I got mad instead. Then I felt anger at myself for letting him do that to me for so long. Once I got over that and found that others wanted to date me and were interested in me (he had me convinced nobody else would want me) and wanted to treat me right, I got over him extraordinarily fast, and I had thought that was impossible. I started having fun. I have now met the man of my dreams. I didn't think he existed. But I am now stronger because of what I went through and you will be too. Just have to let yourself heal after you leave him and try not to jump into any relationship before you know your ready.
Blessed be.

Answer 5

iv been through this only i had a 6 mth old baby and i was alone withot family they livedin anther state you need to leave with no contact for the first 2 weeks dnt get newbe just enjoy being you again youl be amazed becaused youve been told to be somthing ur not without you even nowing it youll feel so YOUagain the chances of u going back to that i doubt any one would hey people change but he wont change as long as you sit there and look like a doormat so go dnt even say goodbye call in a few days to tell him your fine and then hang up never tell him where u r

Answer 6

Self-respect will keep you from allowing this boy to treat you with violence. You have to love yourself more than you love him...and I don't mean that in a "bad" way - you have dignity and respect for yourself and are already smart enough to know that what he is doing isn't right. And remember, words and actions are two different things. He has become an expert at saying the "right words" and somehow has lost out on the lesson of performing the "right actions." It is okay to remember him as his friend since 12 years old... but you deserve to be treated like a human being... and right now he isn't doing that. LET HIM MOVE to Alabama... and get on with your life. There will be someone who treats you with dignity and respect...as you treat yourself!!!

Answer 7

I am going to talk to you from experience with myself and other friends that are no longer here with us because they couldn't let go. I know it's hard and it hurts but please take my advice and let him go because it will only get worse I was in that situation but after 2kids and 2 miscarriages later I'm out of there it was a four in ahalf year relationship and I've been out of it for 6 years now. At first it hurt like hell to be away from him but I know now that it was for the best and you will to. Once they start they never stop and think about it like this if he really love you he wouldn't put his hands on you . You are better than that and you deserve better someone who will treat you better and even if you don't think that there is someone out that there will treat you better you will see in due time time do heal alll wounds but get out of there while you still have the chance you will feel a hell of a lot better once you get over the pain of letting go and remember this you will rather suffer pain from letting go of him and getting over it than feeling pain from him hurting you and wishing you had of left if it don't be too late. Good luck to you and stay safe.

Answer 8

Let him go now! I know it's so hard to let go when after the fights and arguments your boyfriend apologizes to you promising to never hurt you again..and starts kissing you and holding you. I know it's so easy to give in to that...but think of it this way..if he were truly sorry...then he would never lie to you and go back on his word. All he is doing is lying...not only is he putting his hands on you which no man should ever do to a woman...but he tells you lies with his apologies. Let him move and don't contact him or let him contact you...change your house and cell numbers and make sure nobody gives him the new ones. Do the single scene..you will see you are worth so much more...and you will find yourself a man who will treat you with the upmost respect. I have been in your situation and thought I would never get over my ex....but I have!!! I have never been happier!

Answer 9

You need to find out what is going on with you. You have some deeper issues that you need to fix to find out why you are ok with this. Sometimes when we have bad childhoods, low self esteem, we have seen our moms or dad go through the same things then we tend to get older, and do or put up with the same thing. You have some insecurities of men leaving you, and do to the fact that you don't want to leave him you need to find out what does he bring to your life that is familiar even though it is negative that makes you not want to lose him. You also need to find out why you are so afraid to lose him. I can come up with a whole lot of reasons as to what you should do about him, but you are the problem. I don't mean you are the reason why he hits you I am saying you are the reason why you are deciding to stay with him even though he hits you. I don't mean this in a bad way, but until you fix you on the inside this is going to continue to happen whether it's with him or someone else. Good luck.

Answer 10

Yes it is a very difficult thing to do, love someone who hurts you. No you cannot just stop loving him, i know how it works. But you need to let him go. You really need to find a group to talk about this with, a womans abuse group, whatever. Get out now, and stay away from him, no you cannot change him. Your undying love for him will not make him stop either. I know it might be easy to make excuses for him, to rationalize it, expecially when you are lonely and only remembering the good times. Please, please....do not go back. Be strong! Find support! You are not alone!