I am in deep!!!?

Question

I have been going through some really hard times lately.... and my pastor (who is a married man) has really been there for me, now I think I am falling in love w/ him....what do I do. I feel like I am so angry at god, and my feelings for this pastor are coming between me and everything I believe in!

Answer 1

OK … So you’re an ex-stripper with a kid and at least one abortion to your credit. Your moral values are weak enough that you have to wonder if you should take money to let a stranger “sniff” your feet. You make clearly bad choices in your child care decisions.

Now you wonder if you should involve yourself in a MARRIED PASTORS life and destroy the lives of others because you just can’t stop thinking with your crotch ….. and what has he done to deserve having this misery brought down around his head? He tried to help you.

Here is my advice …. Don’t drag even one more human into your tail spin of a life until you learn to care about something other than yourself.

Answer 2

I just want to say that I went through the same thing. My situation was a divorce and I went to my Pastor for advice. He was so caring, understanding, and helpful that my feelings for him started to grow.

But because my healing was more important than my feelings for a man that was married and had a family I was able to get control of those feelings and focus on what was important, me getting my life in order so I could be the woman God wanted me to be for the Man he has waiting for me, and you can do the same thing.

God has someone very special for you, please do not let the devil steal this from you by allowing your feelings to get in the way. Also please do not be angry with God, thats what the devil wants. Maybe as someone else suggested you can councel with someone else, but please do not give up you have come too far. You deserve Gods best!

Answer 3

That's a classic example of the God Complex. It's very common for women to think they are in love with their doctors, pastors, teachers, etc. You need to be real honest with yourself here. Do you really want to do this? Break up a family because you are having hardd times and someone is guiding you and giving you attention? Try and keep these things in perspective and don't jump from the frying pan into the fire.

Answer 4

I think you may already have the answer to your question. Your pastor is there to advise in a spiritual sense...Not to get caught up in a persons fantasies. You might think about finding another person to council you before you really are in over your head and end up embarrassed beyond belief. God ,or whoever, doesn't have anything to do with your feelings for this man.

Answer 5

You're very vulnerable at the moment, and you're looking for answers to get you out of this hard time that you're going through. You're hoping that this Pastor is the answer to your problems but he's not. If it were any other time you wouldn't give him a second look but you're unhappy and your mind is filling in the blanks and making this fella into something he's not. Tread very carefully and don't do something you might regret.


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Answer 6

I am so sorry you are having difficulties.

Continuing to see a pastor for whom you have developed inappropriate feelings won't help anything and could be and apparently is dangerous to your Christian experience. This could also unfairly damage his reputation, and I am sure you would not want to do that.

I was a guidance counselor at the high school level for five years and in my study of psychology and through personal experience I know this is a problem that many counselees face. There is even a name for it - transference. See the link listed below as a source for better understanding transference.

Although transference is often characterized as a useful tool for building trust between a client and a therapist, transference can also interfere with a therapist’s ability to help a client and can even be manifested as an erotic attraction to the therapist. You are actually confusing the feelings of gratitude from someone who has been compassionate and concerned for you with something else.

Your pastor may not have observed your feelings or he would have recommended that you confer with someone else. I am suggesting that you thank him profusely for the comfort and help he has given you, tell him that you have some problems of a woman's more personal nature, and ask him to recommend a "mother of Israel" type in the church to whom you can talk.

Please do not feel embarrassed. People cannot help having feelings but they can remove themselves from temptation.
I am sending you my warmest regards and will be praying for you. Remember that God loves you dearly and would have sent His Son to die for you alone.

Answer 7

I think you need to talk to God about this. Find a way to take your mind off the pastor. Maybe you could suggest to the pastor that you would like to meet with a different church counselor that can help you out.

Answer 8

Stop turning to your pastor!

Go somewhere else take a break from church and go to another church.

Do not add more conflict to your life with the possibility of an affair or what ever with your minister!

Go to a therapist a female therapist.

Answer 9

So what do you think getting involved with a married man will accomplish ? It just mite be that you are going through hard times because of some very bad decisions, Do not make another one !

Answer 10

Hard times come to test what we are made out of. Are I should say what we stand for. If the intent of the heart is wicked then the actions of that person will reflect the same, and the same is also true if the intent of the heart is not wicked, the actions will reflect it. If it's not the right thing to do, don't do it. When times are hard a persons feelings are the worse thing to follow.