I am 26 and I have known this guy for 18 yrs and when we were in HS he asked me out several times, did and said sweet things to me. I turned him down in fear that I would lose my best friend. A few months ago he got out of a 4 yr realationship with a female that cheated and stole from him, but I was very happy in thinking now is my chance, were older and I know now that I would never lose him as my friend. However I wanted to give him space and time. He to has had feelings for me all these years, that is coming from people that isn't just "intuition". He has shown many signs of interest, but he is very shy and not a very forward person, I suppose that is partly my fault for turning down his advances in the past. Anyways he slept at my house a month ago for a week while my mom was out of town and he was very respectful and we were both so shy. I am not a shy person normally but am around one I really like a lot.
2006-10-15 12:48:54 · 13 answers · asked by Pam 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
A week after his first night there I finally got the nerve to ask him if I could kiss him(silly I know, but true). He then kissed me after I said that and was very passionate and I said to him you have no idea how long I have wanted to kiss you and he to said he had wanted to for a very long time. It was the most wonderful sexual experience I have ever had because both of us commented on how it was "weird because it wasn't weird at all". He was kind and kept asking me "if I was ok" in fact before sex he also was saying we do not have to do this. So not forceful in any way. Well I just looked at him and well it was him, someone I wanted for more than 1/2 my life as when I turned him down in HS years I to had the same feelings but felt I was doing the right thing at the time in order to save friendship. Anyways when he asked me if I was ok, I said I was, but it hurt a little but keep going.
2006-10-15 12:49:16 · update #1
Well after a while though I finally just jumped off of him and stopped in the middle of sex as it just hurt a lot. I was so embarrassed and felt stupid because I had to stop and I had said it had been a while since I was with anyone as I am not a sleep around person. He kissed me on the forhead and kissed me a little more and said it was ok and I was making a bigger deal out of it than it was. I was so selfish and didn't even at the time think about "leaving him hanging". Now he has pulled away and I don't know if it is because he just needs some time after his hard relationship or if I bruised his ego because I stopped in the middle of sex?
2006-10-15 12:49:40 · update #2
After all these years and we both have the same feelings there has to be "something" there with us and I'm just afraid is this normal of him pulling away and if so why do you think he is or if I did something to bruise him and he won't come back? If I did something wrong or if there is anything I can do I want to do it, I just know how much guys likes "not" talking about there feelings and I don't want to push him into doing that before he is ready. Oh he also slept at my house a few days after this happend but I felt So uncomfortable as I felt he was so i'm not sure if that gave him an idea that I was upset. If anyone has further questions just ask, and I will tell you. Thanks and please any comments or advice you could give would be wonderful. Again thanks for taking the time to read this!
2006-10-15 12:50:01 · update #3
Thanks so far appreciate the ones posting just to make fun and get points. Anyone serious out there?
2006-10-15 12:52:08 · update #4
He sounds like a perfect gentleman. You're lucky to have found a guy like that. As I read all that you wrote, I realized how much I miss the new love stage of the relationship. I've only been married for just under 4 years, but it seems like eternity. You may have sent him the wrong immpression when you suddenly stopped, but it sounds as though he was okay with it. He obviously knows how you feel (you slept with him). Call him or write him and let him know that when he's ready for a relationship, your eager to try it. I guess, in the meantime, spend time together getting comfortable in each others company and wait for the magic. I wish I had a love story like yours. Good luck with your guy and enjoy the new love feelings - they fade fast.
2006-10-15 13:05:42 · answer #1 · answered by missie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him and find out what your real feelings are for each other and where the relationship is going. He probably pulled away because he thought you didnt want to continue with the sexual thing and he was trying to make it easier for you. Communication is essential in a relationship...dont be shy just say how you feel and what you are thinking and take your time.
2006-10-15 12:56:21 · answer #2 · answered by dragonrider707 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i don't understand why you would have bruised his ego cause you stopped in the middle of sex? u said it hurt right? well that might make him think he's got it going on down there! and he might not have tried it again cause if it hurt one time he thinks your gonna keep stopping it and that just aggravating so why bother he must like you if he came around again and didn't try anything! so u should tell him how you feel about him and tell him you understand he just got out of a serious relationship and you are willing to move slow in that department and he needs 2 move slow literally in the sex department!! good luck girl!
2006-10-15 13:04:38 · answer #3 · answered by finenazfuk 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wow that is a quandry isnt it? Have you tried talking to him about it? He may be embarrassed, or you may have hurt his feelings. I would give it a few more days and then tell him " we need to talk about what happened" If he says no then I guess you will just have to move on, but I personally would appreciate some closure to the events.
2006-10-15 12:58:41 · answer #4 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Basically I would be there for him as a friend because he just got out of a relationship and all, Because if he moves to fast it will only be a rebound give him space and if in time if it is meant to be then go for it.
2006-10-15 12:53:45 · answer #5 · answered by Neek-Neek 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
he sounds like a nice , considerate guy...but you two need to be way more open with each other - otherwise it will feel 'awkward' when you see each other , it doesn't sound like he took it too bad , tho it seems men find refusing sex as refusing THEM , just reassure him that you still like him , and you BOTH need to talk more or it won't go anywhere , but if he has given up theres not much you can do - but if he really likes you hopefully he won't give up , but some shy guys do tend to go home and withdraw rather than talk it out! not your fault tho...hope he comes back x
2006-10-15 13:01:21 · answer #6 · answered by chandra 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It's probably a little of both. But you should really be asking him this question, instead of us. If you guys have been through as much as you have, I wouldn't think that talking about it would be dangerous, as far as ruining anything. My advice is to talk to him, frankly, and honestly.
2006-10-15 12:53:16 · answer #7 · answered by fury_bassman 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sorry I read this a couple of times but don't see the question are you upset because you told him it hurt a little? if so, don't worry I'm sure he'll be ok since he seems so gentle from your story.
2006-10-15 12:52:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Not sure what ur question is......but good luck in pursuing the relationship!! Sounds like u got a good one!!
2006-10-15 12:55:42 · answer #9 · answered by honey_bear_21_1999 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know this is crazy, but you could try TELLING HIM THIS. I'd start there. It's called communication. There's your serious answer.
2006-10-15 12:56:52 · answer #10 · answered by missrobynb 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋