I love my girlfriend very much. We have had a rocky relationship for 9 years. We have alot of differences. She seems to be lazy. I am always on the move. She is terrible with money management, which puts her in debt always. I save and plan for the future. She gambles past her means at times. I'm not really a gambler. I feel as if I am always doing things for her, and she does little for me. For example, I'll bring her dinner, or a small gift at times, but she doesn't seem appreciative. I have helped her financially, but she doesn't seem to learn. Because of my unhappiness, I have cheated on her twice. It wasn' t for sex. I was with 2 women who seemed to appreiate me. I know it was wrong and I'll never do it again because of the pain it has caused everyone involved. My question is, if she wishes to work it out, should I stay with her with the understanding of a permanent commitment. My last affair was with a wonderful woman who never argued with me. We fit well.
2006-10-15 12:10:27 · 15 answers · asked by confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It sounds like you are NOT happy.
Start with couples counseling and clear communications with her on what your needs are.
If she can't change, give some serious thought to moving on and finding someone who can meet your needs.
2006-10-15 12:12:36 · answer #1 · answered by a_blue_grey_mist 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, It sounds like you need to move on with your life and stop wasting this precious time you have. You sound like a good man that has done things you are not proud of because of your circumstances. If she hasn't changed after all these years, she will never change. You are in a very toxic relationship whether you believe it or not. Not to add that you have wasted so much of your love and time on this woman. I know you love her and that's understandable because you have been with her for so long and you want to see a change with her, but in your heart you know your not in-love with her anymore. If she is doing nothing to help this relationship and she's not making a change after all this time, then you will find yourself in this same boat another 11 years down the road if you stay. If a person doesn't want to help themselves or want to make a change then it's little you can do to help them. I hate to say this, but sometimes our true matches and soulmates are out there waiting for us elsewhere. She just might not be the woman you are destined to be with. Make a choice and stick with it because it's time for you to enjoy life and have happiness. Don't waste another 11 years going through this because time goes by quickly and before you know it you will wonder where your life and happiness went. I hope whatever choice you make in the end you find happiness.
2006-10-15 12:22:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
11 years is a long commitment, any kids?
I think you are unhappy for a reason... If she is willing to "work on it" hold her to that, and get help. I am sure you acknoledge that you are not perfect either, so you could both benefit from some couples counseling. Have you ever considered this might be why you never decided to tie the knot, because you were unhappy.
It seems to me that it might be time to move on. It is sad to let go of someone you have loved so long, but she doesnt seem happy either. At least try to get through it together, but make some conditions. It might just be time to lay this relationship to rest.
2006-10-15 12:15:14 · answer #3 · answered by crimanetly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you feel happy and content in your own heart? if you do then yes, stay, as for the arguments, everyone does that and it is healthy, bringing up the past is not. are the affairs over? it is always easier to get the answers and comfort you want with someone with a sympathetic ear, and it seems, it would be better with someone else but the truth of the matter is, relationships take a lot of work, if we put in half the effort we put into covering for our affairs, our relationships would benefit, hope this helps,
2006-10-15 12:15:45 · answer #4 · answered by j d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the only one who can answer this question.
You and your girfriend should have a talk as of how can you make it work, can you make it work at all and so on. 11 years is a long time. It seem like you've built a lot of resentment. Here is a good site to ask yourself a better questions. http://www.marriagebuilders.com
One thing is her wishing to work it out. If asked she probably say she does. Another story is you both ABLE to work it out. Give it a good try, and if no - move on, you've done all you could have done.
2006-10-15 12:12:31 · answer #5 · answered by Snowflake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay...if you have to ask then you need to move on. In fact it sound like you should have moved on a long time ago. If you haven't been able to make a permanent commitment with her in 11 years and you continue to have "affairs" then you REALLY need to move on. You know that....you just want to hear it from someone else. So, cut your losses, break the bad habit, find a new plan sam, don't need to be coy roy just SET YOURSELF FREE!!!
2006-10-15 12:15:52 · answer #6 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I dont blame you for cheating on her. I dont applaud cheaters, but in your case I see why you do it. I was in several relationships where the guys I was with never appreciated me, and I cheated on all of them. (i'm bad) if you have brought this up to your girlfriends attention and she still hasn't changed I'm sorry my friend but you've waisted 9 years of your life. I think it really would be time to move on, surley you can find somone out there who does appreciate you for what you do. This relationship may be somthing hard for you to get over but in time I'm sure you'll be glad you got out of it. Think about what would happen if you married her, your finances, and such. Give it some good thought and really act on your impulses I think the best thing is, is for you to get out while you still can. Dont commit to somone who wont love you and appriciate for a life time! GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS!!
2006-10-15 12:18:05 · answer #7 · answered by ~* Pink Princess *~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When is a relationship over? When a person gets tired of being used, then thrown away as though he has no value, but kept on a string so that it can be repeated over and over.
2006-10-15 12:32:10 · answer #8 · answered by lightellen3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know the answer to this question. If she's just your girlfriend after 11 years, doesn't that tell you something?
2006-10-15 12:13:00 · answer #9 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Get some air from this relationship and see if you can find someone more compatible with you.
2006-10-15 12:12:10 · answer #10 · answered by Signilda 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋