Im 57 and need help withmy adopted son ,my boyfriend grandson because his son died now he is 17 & AND WILL?

Question

NOT DO AS I SAY. GRANDPA SAYS GIVE A BREAK, HE IS IN FOOTBALL, &drugs, gangs ,lies should i give gr.pa . achoice. him r us? linda

Answer 1

Had a Hard Time Reading Your Question
But if this kid is making you miserable, And if you can live without your Boyfriend. I suggest yes give him the ultimatum

Answer 2

No. No choice. He's almost there.

Sit the young man down at the kitchen table. Have notes from your conversation with your husband. Tell the young man all the good things you see in him. (He's good in Math, throws a mean ball, can use a hammer well.....) Speak to him as if he is the adult he struggles to become. Tell him you see that he is now a young man. Tell him you want to help him take steps toward his independence. Let him know that you are going to trust him now to make responsible decisions.

When you speak with people, speak to them with respect. Respond to what they are saying to you. NOT react, respond. Take a breath, think what you want to say, and say it calmly and respectfully. Respond. This teaches respect.

Tell him you are not going to remind him of his responsiblities anymore. Ask him just to let you know what time he'll be home when he goes out, if that is not too much trouble. Tell him it is time for him to make decisions for himself. Do not be amazed if he goes hog wild at first with this new freedom. He doesn't believe what you are saying.
Go about your life as if he were the most trustworthy person alive. Give yourself the break.

Limit conversation to , "Hello, Son." and let everything else slide. He's got less than a year to go. Avoid conversation that creates misery. (See paragraph 3)

Remind him during your chat that he will have the option of leaving in about a year. Tell him you are willing to help him take the steps toward independence. Talk about his job, his car, a budget. Set a timeline. "Son, you need to be working by the end of the month. After that allowances stop. Not saying we won't help you with the big things (like the car or car maintenence) but you are responsible for your personal expenses now....(Shoes, clothes, spending money,etc...) Let's see how much he budgets for recreational drugs now.

You have the gift of time and foresight. What needs to be in place in order for this young man to live independently? Teach him how to do the things that lead him into manhood. Teachers are calm, gentle, and firm in their resolve. Be the Teacher.

Answer 3

you should never give an ultimatum..unless you mean it ..and intent to carry it out.. but if you are doing it to get a response then be prepared to get a bad one... you shouldnt expect teenagers that have been taken on by you to do as you say ...sounds like this 17yr old has some issues and ulitmatums wont help to sort them out ...maybe try opening lines of communication ..if possible ... that will do far more good

Answer 4

Have a good talk with your boyfriend. He should be willing to help
to get him on the right foot. I sure He wants what's best fo him.
If he { YOUR SON} does not get some help We know where he's headed. Maybe counseling

Answer 5

your question is a little difficult to understand. Drugs are not a choice put your foot down and keep on struggling with what you know is right, as it appears to be a struggle.

God bless

Answer 6

Looks like ignorance runs in the family.

Answer 7

I'm sorry but next time u need to read what u type because I can't understand what u are saying.

Answer 8

u need to give him a break,talk to him about wha t he really wants in life and hoe u can contribute to his life,after then you should gradually advice him against drugs and teach him a positive life.

Answer 9

what????? ok i'm not followint what ur saying. just talk to him about how drugs can mess up his life?

Answer 10

i dont know .