dating a guy for about six weeks now and we ran into a problem last night. He lives an hour from me and we both have busy lives, I have two kids and so for us to get together is a real hassle. So earlier in the week, he asks me so when can I see yo and I said how about Friday, and he says he has a surprise party to go to with his family and I said ok then Sat and he says well I can't make any promises cuz I don't know what the family has planned and I said can't you tell them you have to leave since were trying to make plans? So i drop my kids off at Grandma's so I'll be free and he calls me at 4:30 pm on Sat & says oh I can't make it cuz they got tickets to this dinner and I say why didn't u tell them you were coming to see me? I made alot of accommodations so we could be together. Well, our conversation did not end on a happy note and I pretty much told him I was moving on cuz I know where his importance lies,was I out of line? Or do I have a right to be upset?
2006-10-15 10:47:27 · 13 answers · asked by ooolala 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I really think the question is more like "Should I be upset?' Forget right that is somewhat abstract. You like him alot you want to spend time with him he obviously is numero uno right now in your list of importance such that a day out with the girls is out of the question right? People are all different. If he is good to you and you like him see if he wants to see you again after you put demands upon him. If it was his family I would not worry too much but if it was really another woman I would worry about it a bit more.
I think a man should care about his family rather than put them aside even their own children such that they will do the same with you. But there is a point where it gets a bit freaky also where they care too much and not always in the healthiest ways.
I understand being number one is important when that other person is number one but there are other things in life besides your relationship. You can ask if you can go along if he says he is not comfortable with that accept it because think about it do you really want to introduce him into your life very greatly right now and your family so they say ok here is another one that is not going to work out so you look bad? My friend only introduces those she has known a long time and trusts around her kids to her family.
What if you want to see your family for something important and do not want him along. If he calls and says hey babe let's get together right now and you had family plans are you going to drop the family for someone who may not be a forever man in your life from the sounds of it?
O.K. let us change the scenario to you. This weekend you have family in from out of state and you do not know what all they want to do. Also you have not seen your family for a long time. Or you call a friend who has all ready made commitments for someone else to take another person to the doctor. Even though you need to be taken for a medical procedure the friend (me in this case) made a commitment 2 weeks earlier that is just as important as yours (my friend). So I offered to take both her and the friend's daughter to the doctors in another city over an hour away. As it was too inconvienent for her to leave earlier and wait longer she drove them there and suffered the next day because she was in an accident. The other friend cannot drive as she is pregnant along with has diabetes. Both situations were important both people I care about the second person is a longer time friend. She understood she did not get upset and she could not reschedule the appointment. If she had called sooner I could have helped my friend reschedule so that I could have driven them both. It was a no win situation. You pressured him into a corner. He told you the truth and you did not accept his answer so he said if possible. You could have asked if you could join them and did you ever consider that? If he never invites you to be with his family I would wonder but if he has children from a prior relationship or marriage he may want to protect them from attachments that do not work out. My mother dated a well to do man for a long time and as he never invited her to his family functions she decided he was either embarassed about being involved with her or married such that she ended the relationship eventually.
2006-10-15 10:59:05 · answer #1 · answered by Faerieeeiren 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you made arrangements for the kids to be away without already having firm plans with him...so that part is not his fault...however, it seems apparent he's "not that into you" or he'd have either made plans to see you Sat or told you for sure that he could not...if you care about someone, you don't leave them hanging to see if something better might come along...
It doesn't sound like this has a lot of potential, so it's probably best to move on now rather than wait and develop (more) feelings for him...it's tough to date when distance is involved, and adding kids throws in an extra challenge when it comes to spending time together...apparently he wasn't ready to deal with either...at least not with you...sorry...
2006-10-15 11:00:46 · answer #2 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he was fully aware that you had made the accommodations before speaking to him on the phone at 4:30 than yes you have the right to be upset. If he was unaware of your arrangements prior to the phone call than no. He said he may not be able to be there. With all due respect you've only been seeing eachother 6 weeks its pretty early on in a a relationship to tell some one they have to choose between family or you.
2006-10-15 10:53:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry this guy told you ahead of time that he might have other plans. I imagine he spends as much time with you as he can, any other time you can make plans togehter. It is a good thing that his family is important, and that he wanted to spend time with them. It was one weekend out of how many others you could have? And you have to think also, if his family is this important, won't he treat you the same way if he decided to bring you into his family. He has a good trate, Loyalty. He definatly seems like a keeper to me.
I understand your reasoning for being upset, but to me you are acting a bit selfish there. I think if you let go of this guy, this easily then you will regret it later.
2006-10-15 11:04:41 · answer #4 · answered by prophacyks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yup!
it feels like if he is lieing or if his family does a matter to him more than you. u have the right to get upset but hey mam, don't leave the road this soon if u still feel like you have feelings for him because this is not a big problem, let's see if such problems happen again...
so for now, u shall talk and discuss about this so that both of you get to know each other's sides beacuse 6 weeks is still a short period.
2006-10-15 11:08:30 · answer #5 · answered by 0 0 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I might be reading you incorrectly, but from your account it seems as though he said that he couldn't guarantee seeing you on Saturday, and yet you made special arrangements to be free and were then upset when he couldn't make it.
From this, it seems that he has been quite upfront with you, and you have put yourself in a position where you were likely to be frustrated. This is very close to emotional manipulation, and is not a good thing to do to anyone.
If I am misreading your account, I apologise.
2006-10-15 10:52:12 · answer #6 · answered by langdonrjones 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are mad over nothing! He never guaranteed plans with you. And, let's face it, family should come over a girlfriend! You wouldn't like it if he said you had to pass on your kids' birthday parties for him, would you? You should have used your free night to go out with the girls and have some fun still. Sorry, but you sound like one of those high maintenance girls!
2006-10-15 10:53:27 · answer #7 · answered by Social_D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have only been dating 6 weeks, and it appears this guys family is very important to him...I say that is commendable.
If you wanty you and your family to be important to him...back off a little...give him some space...apologize for being a brat when you were disappointed...and leave the ball in his court...if he tosses it back...great there is a chance you'll see eachother again...if not...Move on.
2006-10-15 10:52:11 · answer #8 · answered by Danny 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you were'nt out of line at all.
Move on fast!
I almost married a man who put his family before me.Found out he was telling his mother everything I said and did.Evan what we did in bed! It was sick.
This guy is no different than him.This is exactly what mine pulled on me at the beginning.It only gets worse from here.He's just testing you to see if you'll tolerate it.So stop taking his calls.
2006-10-15 10:59:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course You've the right to be upset, I don't know if You should end the relationship based on one event, if this is a regular pattern it's a different thing!
2006-10-15 11:38:24 · answer #10 · answered by Bo V 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋