our 20month old baby has uncontrolable fits (tantrums) that last HOURS !! and is aggressive...we are going mad

Question

he will go mad every time you say NO or he dosnt get his own way ( this can last for hours )

He will also punch, kick and hurt us !

WE CANNOT GET HIM TO STOP !!

He is also now waking up 2/3 times a night.

We are at our witts end and our marriage and the realtionship with our 5 yr old is declining badly.

ANY SUGGESTIONS PLEASE , WE FEEL LIKE BAD PARENTS

Answer 1

This is well past the "ignore it, it'll go away stage". Demand help through your pediatrician. Make sure there is no medical reason for this behavior. Try to find a pyschologist who uses behavior modification techniques and positive reinforcement to help you.

You are not bad parents. You have a little child with extreme behavior problems. If the first person doesn't help, try another. Stick with things that make sense to you long enough to give it a chance to work.

I understand how exhausted and drained you all must be, but remind each other how much you love each other and try to support one another. That is what a family is for. If this is tough with two parents, imagine if you were alone!

Try to break down the bigger problems in to small ones. Then set reasonable goals which you can reach so you see improvement.

Try to share the extra work between you and your husband so you each get enough rest and try taking your daughter out of the situation for a walk or a meal, some time at a park, to spend quality time with her. Time and resource management are important in your household now. This will force you to learn new skills for the future when things will undoubtedly be better.

I have found that when a problem seems beyond my capacities, and I just mentally and emotionally "give up" temporarily, that's when the skies clear and I can see the way. You have to give yourself the mental space to get the better perspective.

Answer 2

a 20 month old is NOT a baby but a little person who needs a routine.

I suggest regular times for getting up, meals, bath and bed.

Do not give him choices. I mean DONT say 'do you want weetabix or porridge' . Just give him food and take it away if he doesnt eat it and dont give him anything until next meal/healthy snack time.

Give him plenty of opportunity to exercise, especially in fresh air, and plenty of things to play with. Let him play on his own sometimes, and sometimes guide his play.

If he has a tantrum, and its safe to do so, ignore him, and go into another room. Even little ones are not going to keep carrying on if no-one is watching them.

While he is in this phase of his life, avoid taking him to supermarkets etc so he cant have tantrums there.

Make sure the 5 year old gets attention by taking him out individually - one of you will have to stay behind with the 20 month.

Dont reward bad behaviour - if he's having a tantrum dont give him sweets etc.

Remember who is a control here - YOU ! He is a tiny child.

Get help and suggestions and support from your Health Visitor or GP. You are not bad parents, but you MUST be consistent.

Faith

Answer 3

You need to try really hard to ignore this little lad although i know how hard that is , do not speak to him at all or even look at him whilst he`s having a paddy . If he bites you bite him back gently but no verbal communication at all .... If possible leave the room if even to count to 10 or lock yourself in the loo for 5 mins to regain some sanity , i`m sure we have all done similar things to compose ourselves . You aren`t bad parents this is what kids do and he`s testing boundaries and when he realises its getting him nowhere these tantrums should in time diminish ..
You and your husband has to be consistent though , work out a plan together so you are prepared for the next time . I wish you luck and please try not to let this ruin your relationships , kids are testy and this is par for the course unfortunately ....

Been there , done it , got the t.shirt !

Answer 4

you are not bad parents...every child is different. my first child oliver was like this, very hard work and you feel like it will never end. he would only sleep for 10 minutes at a time and at night was scream and have terrible temper tantrums. at 20 months he was getting out of bed and ransacking his bedroom units and bed would go flying it was amazing the strength he had. any way the health visitor gave me loads of advice but to no avail and the best thing you can do is make sure he is safe and loved and then ignore the fits of temper. my son is 12 now and is such a nice kid. remember you are not alone and yes it is very hard but he will grow out of it. as long as you know you are a good parent give up fighting with these tempers. if he wakes during the night leave a night light on give him toys or books and if he still screams leave him too it and check him occassionally till he calms down. you are doing an excellent job and feel good about yourself because of that...just give him time....good luck

Answer 5

i could say it rather is in all probability concerning to the seperation little ones have an identical thoughts as us they only dont understand a thank you to particular it so it frequently comes out as anger / tantrums etc. they're additionally in a position to comprehend alot greater suitable than you are able to think of so i could take a seat her down and check along with her approximately her thoughts ask her is something bothering her, whilst shes approximately to have a tantrum is there something that triggers it and how does she sense etc. tell her you comprehend and could help her and are there to speak at each time if she desires it and approximately something in any respect after that possibly attempt doing a advantages chart mark out the 7 days of the week p.c.. say saturday or sunday for advantages day enable her help decide for what the advantages would be yet no longer something to vast, say you the two pass to the photos or figuring out to purchase or some thing you are able to the two do at the same time or she gets a sparkling cd or notwithstanding, and then primary if she is going in the process the day without tantrum she gets a famous person and whilst her chart has each and every of the stars for that week you pass on the advantages. sturdy luck i understand its no longer consumer-friendly i've got been there myself.

Answer 6

You aren't bad parents, first off. All parents go through something like this at one point or another at many different ages. What you need to do is teach him boundries. You need to get past the guilt of feeling like a bad parent, and teach him that it is unacceptable to behave that way. I understand he is young, but you can still deter this behavior. What I usually do when I run into a situation that I don't know how to deal with, I try to think of what advice I would give someone else in that situation. What do you think you need to do? When he gets mad and acts out, you need to stay calm. Put him in another room, or in a time-out chair or designated time-out spot. He will continue to cry and push your buttons, but you have to ignore it. If he gets up, or comes out of his room, patiently put him back. This will take a few times for him to understand, but you must persist. You also need to remember that you are the parent, not him. You have the control, not him. As far as him waking up 2-3 times a night, what does he do when he wakes up? I can't really answer about that because theres not enough info. With your marriage, you and your spouse need to sit down and get on the same page with how you are going to deal with this situation. You need to communicate, and don't argue in front of the children, if you are, that might be another reason why he is retaliating. If you notice that he behaves this way more when you and your spouse are fighting, you might want to think about that. (just random advice, not accusing you of doing that). The 5 year olds relationship with his/her parents as a result of the other child is not good. You need to figure out why the relationship is being affected, and change it. It really isn't fair to the older child, and if you don't change it, you are going to end up with 2 children that you have no control over. I hope this helps, if you have any other questions, feel free to contact me, and good luck to you and your family.

Answer 7

Ignore it.

The reason children throw tantrums is to get attention. They want attention so they do everything in their power to get it and by addressing their tantrums or giving them any sort of attention you are letting them win.

When he throws a tantrum, you need to walk away and ignore him. When he stops his fit then walk over and say to him "I'm glad you're feeling better..now what do you want?" Don't cuddle him or hold him when you do it or it will give him the idea that it's okay to throw fits because he'll be cuddled afterwards.

But, tantrums are only tantrums until the child starts hurting himself. If he starts banging his head against things, throwing up, or slamming himself on the floor--that is when you need to consult a doctor.

Answer 8

Not sure it will work on yours, but I cured my friends' 2 year old's tantrums in 10 seconds.

She threw a tantrum in front of me when I was the only adult in the room. I got down on the floor next to her and joined in. She stopped, looked at me and never threw another tantrum again. She's now 34 and a lawyer in one of the top law firms in the state.

Sorry, I can't help with the waking up at night.

Can you see a child psychologist for help?

Answer 9

I agree to an extent with the person who says ignore it. You could also fit a safety gate to his bedroom door and deposit him in the room when he's like this. It's very difficult, as I remember from my son being that age. Just make sure you praise him when he's good, and cut out afternoon naps if he won't sleep at night-a good blast of cold air at the front door soon wakes them up, and make sure you cut out as many additives as possible. I can assure you that you are NOT bad parents, and that he should improve as he gets older- although it took a long time with my eldest son. You really do have my sympathy.

Answer 10

besides susan and denny i don't agree with any of the answers given, I am a mother of three, two boys and a girl ,,age 15,8 and 5, one of my boys is a huge handfull, everyone told you to ignore it, no you can not, you have another child who will see that this is ok and might even start to do it too , Now this child is hitting you , that is not something to turn your cheek at, i would say to you ,you are in no way a bad parent, i felt that way to , i cryed everyday because there was no answer that i could find and i was at my witts end, he is now 15 a great student and a wondrefull almost man, polite, and a star football player with a lot of friends, so there is always hope, i went to the doctor, then to phyc, then eye and ear doctors , parenting classes, and then had him put on ADHD medication, and with a bit of hard work and consistence he is now wonderful , we started this in first grade , I know there are people out there who will say medication, oh no, but intill they are in your shoes they have no right to talk I tell them, for now i would say when he hits you grab his arms , and in a high voice so NO THAT HURTS, and walk away, do it everytime, now another is he is in a daycare , question it, he could be actting out, good luck to you and love him and stick to it,