My boyfriend is really wonderful when he is sober but if anyone comes over he drinks and insults them. None of my friends want to come over if he is around because he has insulted them all. He drinks a lot and he says very hurtfull things when he is drunk, when he is sober he cleans and cooks and is a generally good guy but it is getting increasingly hard for me to deal with this Dr. Jekyl / Mr. Hyde problem. He has had huge problems with drinking in the past and has had treatments but apparently nothing has worked. It has become so regular that he has these angry drinking binges that I am not sure what to do. He knows he has a problem but he also seems reluctant to do anything about it. On the occations that I have told him to go to treatment or stop drinking he makes great effort to hide it from me then explodes with more rage then when he drinks regularly. I do care about him a lot but I really doubt that this is workable, is there a solution?
2006-10-15 06:35:07 · 19 answers · asked by kArMaRiFiC 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You are a enabler and a victim. Get out of there before it becomes too violent. If you need more proof answer the questions on the link below.
If you do care about him leave him. He should care enough about you back to clean up his act (with help) be sober for a while and try to when you back. If he knows he has the problem then he does not care enough about you to clean himself up.
The question to you is...Could you see yourself married to him. Picture him treating your kids badly after a drinking binge.
If this makes your stomach drop to think of then there is your answer. There is no long term with this guy. He is not right for you right now. Maybe never. Break the cycle and distance yourself from that while it's safe.
2006-10-15 06:51:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The solution is in your boyfriend's hand, not yours.If he isn't willing to get help for himself than you can't do anything for him. You are a firing squad for him and it will not get better if he doesn't go for help and if his drinking is that bad it will be a life time struggle but with determination he can do it.
Meanwhile I think you should get out of the relationship before he does harm to you. It doesn't sound that far away.Protect yourself and get out. It could also be a help to him in the long run.If he cares about you he will realize what he's lost and maybe do something.
If you do leave (which I hope you do) don't let him sweet talk you back with a bunch of promises etc. Let him prove it to you first. Good luck
2006-10-15 06:49:28 · answer #2 · answered by tea cup 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my boyfriend is completley the same nice as pie when sober then as soon as he has had a drink he turns and hes not the same person i know! y not suggest u n ur boyfriend go for a nice meal and if he says wen ur out do u wanna bevvy...just say no actually i dont feel like drinking tonight, say to him how about we have one soft drink and then we can catch an early night ;) just try and keep away from conversations of nights out and suggest the pictures or joining the gym. Good Luck x!
2006-10-15 06:48:44 · answer #3 · answered by vicky_js23 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to back out Intel this guy can come to terms with his self image and his insecurities drinking may be an addiction that he needs to deal with but the only thing it has to do with the way he acts when hes drunk it opens the doorway that it allows him to act that way. Hes able to rise above his normal feelings of not being not good enough by belittling others making them seem less then himself.If this guy can build some self esteem and confidence in himself he could probably be a hell of a guy he could start by just thinking on those terms but nothing you say will do the trick its on him to do the work
2006-10-15 06:56:10 · answer #4 · answered by slfascoc 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have had that problem...there is ONLY ONE WAY if you choose to continue the relationship. I am saying ALANON!
This helps the pwoplw that have to deal with people who have personality disorders while under the influence..
It worked for me.. it just teaches you HOW to deal with drunks..
You choose whether or not you WANT to deal ..
PS This way, you can STAY in the relationship, and together work out the difficulties that EACH of you are facing. They are terriffic in helping manage alcoholic relationships.. AND IT WORKS.. I'm not saying he should become an AA member, YOU need to get help to... YOU ARE AN ENABLER!
2006-10-15 06:40:07 · answer #5 · answered by SCHNITZEL 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's an extremely not common situation no count the type you look at it. the main amazing ingredient is how he feels approximately you after this long. If he's over you and severe approximately his new female chum, then you definately in simple terms could desire to get on with your existence. actual not an common area of do. You have been the only that left him, so he has that best to have a severe female chum and not opt for to be with you anymore. even nevertheless he stop ingesting with this new female chum, and not with you, would not advise you probably did not have something to do with it. He probable knows of he lost one female chum over ingesting, and did not have the opt to make the comparable mistake lower back. backside line, all you're able to do is confer with him approximately it. tell him each little thing, and if he's over you, then you definately could desire to get on with your existence. seems such as you quite love him, so with a bit of luck you 2 can artwork issues out. stable luck.
2016-11-23 13:05:46 · answer #6 · answered by virgen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless he decides to quit drinking the relationship will not improve. My sister had a boyfriend like that, he was the nicest guy you could ever meet until he drank. With some people drinking don't mix with their mental chemistry, needless to say she left him alone and still 14yrs later he is still drinking the sad part about it is his daughter now has to deal with him. Leave it alone and find a more stable, responsible, reliable person.
2006-10-15 06:50:20 · answer #7 · answered by barbie2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes there is a solution. Let him go to counseling, become and remain sober for one year or more and then pursue a relationship with him. And even after that you must be careful about relapse.
2006-10-15 06:39:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's obvious he needs to get into some sort of AA or some sort of Alcoholic's treatment center. He has a problem, just doesn't realize it. And if I was you, I'd get out of this relationship ASAP. It's possible (if it hasn't happened already) that he'll hurt/abuse YOU when he's drunk.
2006-10-15 06:38:18 · answer #9 · answered by Meatwad 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, the solution is that he WANT to quit drinking, and does so.
OR the relationship is over. You are becoming what is known as the 'enabler'. Simply meaning, that you are enabling him to continue his habit. Dont put up with it. Either HE quits drinking....or YOU quit the relationship. Simple as that.
2006-10-15 06:41:57 · answer #10 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋