I've been with my girlfriend for only three months, but we know we want to be with each other for the rest of our lives. However, she is pregnant with her ex's child from when they dated before we started. (I know because we were going to wait and haven't done anything) She is 16, I am 18. I moved to change schools and start a new life with her. I gave up everything to be with her more because we lived far away and I know that I love her more than anything and would do any and every thing I can. But I don't know where to start. I'm not sure how I can help other than just be there for right now...I wish there was something more that I can do. I can't just go beat the hell out of her ex, I know that wouldn't solve anything except my temporary satisfaction. She's going on five months now and I'm not sure if her parents know or she's been to a doctor. I know I should make sure of that, but as of now I'm in almost complete shock and unable to make my next move. I can only wait for her call.
2006-10-15 06:21:57 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Your girfriend has a lot of things that she needs to pay attention to right NOW....prenatal care and telling her parents about her life altering state are the things that need to be worried about right now, not whether or not you and she should be trying to be together "for the rest of your lives". Your relationship is young (3 months) and there's already a lifetime's worth of baggage there.
Why do you want to 'beat the hell out of her ex'?
He wasn't the only participant in her getting pregnant, it won't solve one thing, and HE is the father of her baby. Beating him up won't undo what's done.
Are you prepared to have dealings with him for the next 18 years? Are you prepared to be a dad?
Are you ready to be emotionally supportive of a pregnant teenager?
Do you have a job that is able to support 3 people if you think that you want to 'spend the rest of your lives together?'
She's still a minor, and her parents will, and do have a say in what happens with her for the next two years until she's 'of age'.
Your job right now is to make sure she meets the needs of her unborn child and gets the support she needs from her parents. The fact that she's almost 5 months along and no prenatal care is criminal.
You're next move, if you're really ready to be in this thing for the long haul, is to make sure someone makes an adult decision and do what needs to be done for the unborn child right NOW, not figuring out how you and she can be together.
2006-10-15 06:48:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This isn't what you want to hear - you asked a shorter version of this not long ago. This girl is a minor. Her parents are the ones who are responsible for her. The infatuation you feel for her is nothing compared to the deep enduring love, respect and friendship needed to keep a marriage together without divorce. It takes 1.5 to two years to get to know someone well enough to know if you should marry them. Ask yourself this: if she really cared deeply for you, or anyone for that matter, why was she having sex with another fellow while she is under age just three month's before the two of you got together? She has loose morals. Is that the sort of wife you want? There would always be a seed of doubt in your mind wondering when she would do the same thing to you. Two wrongs don't make a right. Her first mistake was having sex as an underage teenager. Her parents' mistake, and her second mistake, would be allowing her to marry an 18 year old with no job prospects, no money, no home of his own, and no way to provide for a wife and child. Your compassion and willingness to help her should be applauded, but the reality is you are not in any sort of position to really be of help.
Once you take on a wife and child, you blow any reasonable chances for a higher education unless you are willing to work full time to support a wife and child and go to school at the same time. Once you take on adult responsibilities, you can't rely on your parents for financial help. You will need to make enough money to pay rent, utilties, food, transportation, car maintenance, doctor bills for your wife and baby, hospital bills when the baby is born, clothing and supplies for all three of you, and on and on. Without a college education, it will be very hard for you to find a job that pays more than minimum wage because you have no experience. You simply cannot support a family on minimum wages. Do the math and you'll see I'm right. This is not the time for romantic notions. It is time to think with your head and not your heart. Family responsibility is very serious business.
And the worst that could come out of her scenario is that her parents or someone else will report it to the police and her ex-boyfriend will be charged with sexual assault of a minor and rape. I've worked as a paralegal for years and believe me that is not an unusual outcome at all for a 16 year old girl in her position. Do not ruin your life with a hasty decision no matter how much you think at this moment you are deeply in love with this girl.
2006-10-15 14:15:06 · answer #2 · answered by LadyLgl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think at 18, you are biting off more than you can chew. I think you should take a step back, and let her get through the pregnancy and se how it goes after. She is only 5 months along, there are probably lots of mixed feelings, an dshe is only 16, so I imagine her head is everywhee. I am sorry to say, but I think you are setting yourself up for heartache, things get really complicated when kids get involved, and its not even yours. My advice is to take a step back, be a good friend to her, and wait until herlife is straightened out a little more before you get too involved.
2006-10-15 13:52:38 · answer #3 · answered by shrimpseys 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did she say the same thing to her ex? You two are nothing but children. First of all her parents can bar you from seeing her. She will call when she wants something.You are not doing this kid any favors by not telling her parents. Be a friend to this kid and knock of the romantic stuff. She is not old enough to know what the hell she wants.
2006-10-15 13:30:56 · answer #4 · answered by firewomen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do what your heart tells you to. Do you wanna be a father figure to this child? it's a lot of commitment. But if your willing too it might work between you two. She really needs to go to the doctor to make sure everything is alright with the baby.
2006-10-15 13:31:36 · answer #5 · answered by Felix S 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you need to know a lot more about this little girl before you let the stars in your eyes take over your common sense.
2006-10-15 13:31:02 · answer #6 · answered by snvffy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me answer your question with another question...does the baby really jerk you off when you're inside her?
2006-10-15 13:32:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋