Ladies: will you date a guy who doesn't dance?

Question

Apparently girls consider dancing an important criteria in a relationship. Can lack of dancing damage a relationship. Will you dump your man if he doesn't dance?

Dr. Feelgood I haven't mentioned anywhere that I don't dance.

I just feel that even if they agree to put up with a non-dancer, deep inside, in their sub-conscious mind, women carve for a guy who can dance. After all love isn't that unconditional.

Answer 1

Hi Maddy, welcome back to Anwers. :-)

I am going to answer something else you said, something not directly in your question which caught my attention before I go on to the dancing issue. In your additional comments you said that "Love is not that unconditional". Well, in my experiance love is very unconditional. If you are referring to physical violance, your partner turning out to be some type of pervert who hurts women or children, or decides to allow oneself to become an addict, then I suppose love can seem conditional. However, everyone has to have some type of quality control on what they allow in their lives. Somebody can love a person deeply and yet be unable to live with that person. The love continues, but the behavior has to go, and as the partner refuses to change the behavior, then the partner has to go, regardless of how deep the love may be. If the man I am marrying on November the sixth was uncovered as a pervert, my love would not change, but I would be unable to continue a relationship with him. I will not tolerate certain behavior choices, and it is unhealthy if a person does not have deal breakers. This is why we take "oaths" when we state our vows at marriage. If a vow is broken it nullifies the contract between the two parties, which allows the member who was tresspassed against to determine if s/he can live with the deal breaking behavior. I would hope all individuals have enough dignity to walk away from a pervert who hurts women and children or who commits high crimes. If you think this is conditional love, then so be it.

However, I firmly believe that the love would go on, therefor it is not conditional at all. If a person could easily remove love when his/her partner engaged in deal breaking behaviors, or any behaviors dissaproved of by a partner, then that love was not real in the first place and the individual it was removed from should be grateful to find out sooner rather than later. For me love is not conditional at all, it is behaviors which dectate allowable bounderies within any relationship. For example, recently a friend of mine has a daughter who plotted to ruin his relationship with the woman he loves with all his heart, a love he had denied himself while married for twenty one years to his daughters mother, a love and happiness he waited seven years past the divorce to find, yet his daughter decided she was more concerned over what she woould inherit than her wonderful father's happiness. She pretended friendship with his fiance, behaved with dasterdly premediatative intent to cause harm, attempted to derail the relationship by twisting conversations, by lying about events, and by dropping terriably cruel comments in the middle of her and her father's fiance's conversations, comments she denied when confronted by her father. It is a good thing that the relationship her father has with the lady he loves is based on honesty and open communication, otherwise this woman may have been successful in ruining his happiness. This is a good man, a good father, who stayed in a miserable marriage so he could be a real father for his children instead of a weekend warrior father who was not truly involved in the day to day raising of his children. As a strong man he made the decision that as long as there was not abuse in front of his children he would continue on with this miserable marriage and be a father for his children. When he discovered the depth his daughter had gone to ruin his happiness and to sabatoge his fiances's happiness and emotional peace of mind, he was devestated. This young woman planted a recording device in his and his fiance's sofa to gather "evidence" of his fiance"s "lies" and "minipulations". This man has confronted a deal breaker within his relationship with his grown daughter. She confessed she was concerned about the money he was "spending" on this woman which should be hers upon his death. She also admitted to the belief she had "run off" the last woman he had a relaitonship with. What would you do in such circumstances Maddy? To make matters worse she used his grandchild as a weapon to blackmail him into setting this woman he loves with all his heart, aside. You see, he has been tending this child from birth, for three days each week over night, and is the only father figure his grandchild knows. He is her Poppa, and loves him deeply. This young woman's perfidity went so deep as for her to establish the fiance as her daughers "Gamma" encouraging her child to call her gamma and encouraged the woman to step up and be gamma. For a year the fiance cared for this child three to five days and nights a week, and loves the child as her own blood grandchild. This young woman has used the love her father has for his grandchild to force him to leave the woman, or to lose his grandchild. He made a heartbreaking choice, and it was to not allow this young woman to minipulate him so cruely, to not allow her to succeed in her plots and schemes. His trust has been severed and you know trust is most difficult to get back once it is ruined, and this is only if the person who broke trust is willing to work hard to re-establish that trust. This young woman demonstrated no remorse for her actions and behaviors. So, he has made the difficult decision of severing his relationship with his daughter and she took his grandchild away. He still loves his daughter and is heartbroken over the loss of both her and his grandchild. However, he sees he has little real choice as he must have bounderies and she must have consequences for her behavors and choices. If this is conditional love, then so be it. I do not think it is, I think it is a deep and abiding love, but without an ability to have an active relaitonship with the person who committed such crimes and broke trust so severely. Thank goodness in his State there are grandparent rights, as it is unfair to the grandchild for her to lose her relationship with her grandparents, grandparents who have been in her life as much as her mother has been. She is an innocent child who should not have to suffer the loss of people who love her so deeply and who she loves and depends on deeply. She does not remember any gamma other than this gamma her mother tried to eliminate from both her father and her child's life so cruely and without a twinge of conscience.

Now, about a woman dumping a man due to his inability to dance, or his reluctance to learn to dance. I agree that woman do crave a man who can dance. This is on par to a deep seated desire to have a man who can pick them up and carry them around. It stems from our ancestors clear back in the caves, as a form of ability to provide protection against the wild animals and hostile tribes. Dancing has always been a way to physically release pent up emotions, both negitive and positive. Which is why at celebrations dancing is a firm aspect embedded in nearly every event in life. It once was included in death ceremonies too, and even now when we lose a loved one we have a desire to go out and dance out our grief. The act of dancing is a purely physical release and is unconsciencly craved by women especially. Men were able to go out and do physical activities such as hunting and play physical games while women were pent up in their caves unable to get much physical activity. Later, as we passed from hunters and gatherers, to settling in farming communities, men were still able to get out pent up emotions by strenous activities while women were stuck in the house with limitations. Women were discouraged from hard physical labor, unless they lost their men folk. Even then they were discouraged from engaging in "men's work" and encouraged to sell their holdings or to somehow obtain a man or men to do that type of labor. Sure women had the laundry to pound, which was a solid physical activity, and they had the churning of butter and other physically challenging labors. However, these types of labors did not truly go to the extent of being able to relieve pent up emotions. So, barn dances, and socials were created as a way for people to gather socially and for women to have a way to become physical through dance. As time passed women were further denied physical activity, and dance became more sedate than the rythmic stuff of the past. The more "refined" society became the less physical activities women had. So, dance was a deeply seated desire and rythmic music pulled at their souls often without their conscience understanding of why. When the mistress of a plantation heard the slaves in the quarters beating out their rythms they yearned. When women near a dance hall heard the music they yearned, when women heard the drums of the indians they feared, but they also yearned.

Today women have a deeply ingrained desire to dance, even though we have many options on physical activities, unlike generations of women before us. We still yearn for the dance, the physical release of pent up emotions that deep rythm can release when we allow our bodies to take up that rythm and step out in dance. We can receive release via exercise like running, bicycling, aerobic workouts but the real release comes from the dance. A parnter who dances well is attractive to us. A partner who dances with us is a form of mutual bonding which allows for mutual expression of the joys and sorrows of life.

However, to refuse to continue a relationship with a man simply based on ability or willingness to dance is a very shallow behavior and mature woman understand this. The provence of dumping men who are not good dancers is that of the very young and/or immature woman. Mature woman can love a man and seek release in dance without the man having to participate. While it is great if he can dance or wants to dance, it is not a prerequsit to keeping the relationship. It would be a shame and a show of immaturity to dump a man on dancing ability or willingness alone.

So, yes, a woman craves a man who can dance with them, but mature women would not dump a man who could not do so or who just did not want to do so. There are so many other issues of more importance than a man's ability or willingness to dance, to decide whether or not he is a good candidate for a long term relationship. I strongly encourage any who thinks their partner is placing dancing ability as a deal breaker to revisit whether or not this is a woman he should be with.

Wecome back to Yahoo! Answers, and I look forward to more questions you pose. Have a great day!

Answer 2

I am engaged to a guy that doesn't know how to dance; he is 54 and never learned how. I am fine with it. I don't dance all that well anyway. It would be nice if we took a dancing class together when he has the time (during the winter), and we have talked about it and he is willing, but we don't have to if he doesn't want to.

Dancing is NOT the most important thing to a relationship. If someone thinks it is, then they are pretty vain. The most important things are love, respect, kindness, absolutely NO abuse of any kind, faithfulness, and many other things. We have all of this and more in our relationship. OUR love IS unconditional, as it should be.

Answer 3

No, you should understand that there are alot of women who don't dance either. Sure dancing might be a criteria for some, but if she really likes you that one little detail about you won't even matter. I wouldn't dump a guy because he doesn't dance. I suggest you just try, I think it's adorable to see a guy try to dance, even if he can't or doesn't like to. I don't/can't dance either, but I try and just have fun. This one little thing about you shouldn't ruin your relationship. Like I said just try, when your around her, and theres music, and especially if she's dancing and wants you to.

Answer 4

Depends on the age group. In high school and even college it's nice to have a guy who can dance. Once you get out of school though, it's not as important, as long as they will still slow dance and every once in a while get on the dance floor for a faster song (even if they aren't any good) at a wedding (especially their own).

Answer 5

There are alot of people that don't dance. Your just meeting the wrong women. The last dance I went to that I actually danced was 3 years ago. Most of the time we just sit around and talk.

Answer 6

i married a guy who thinks he CAN dance but he really cant!!!


i dont think dancing is important and honestly i dont know any other girls that do!!!!
any girls that consider dancing to be an IMPORTANT part of there relationship are shallow and totally not worth dating anyway!

Answer 7

Of course. Lots of girls don't dance, I don't see what dancing has to do with anything. If any girl doesn't date you because you can't dance, she's too shallow to bother with.

Answer 8

Haha sure that would not be the dealbreaker in determining if i could date him or not. yet having the ability to have exciting is a sturdy element. So whether he sucks at dancing, yet gave it a shot, that must be so lots extra appealing.

Answer 9

It depends on each woman, but truthfully, yes I really do like it if a man will at least attempt to dance with me now and then, but its not like its the deciding factor in a relationship. If a woman is with a guy only becuase he can dance then thats just shallow and stupid.

Answer 10

I don't care if he can't dance. It's not like we HAVE to go dancing or else it will ruin our relationship.

Answer 11

sure/its nt necessary for biy to dance/in a party u must be like bodyguard/ we can easy find with whom to dance,i mean we always have girls company

so dear/dont worry
u r man