I work 12 (9 and 10 hr) days in a row. I haven't time for my friends, church or myself. Should I be made to feel guilty because I don't see the grand kids enough?
2006-10-15 05:34:00 · 16 answers · asked by susie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
NO! You have to work. I'm sure you love your grandkids very much and it hurts you that you can't see them as much as you'd like.
Tell your son that it already breaks your heart because you don't see them as much as you'd like to, and that he only makes you feel worse than you already do when he makes you feel guilty.
2006-10-15 05:38:07 · answer #1 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON'T DEAL WITH GUILT!
Tell your son that you have raised your kids and now it is his turn! Let him know that it is HIS responsibility to spend time with his children.
It sounds like you DO take time with them but just not enough from his standpoint. Well who's to say what's to little or too much? I say only you no what you can handle and if its only recitals and little leagues, so be it! Is he expecting for you to come and pick them up every weekend? How dare he!
If you are a grandparent now, then your time has passed. Life comes in stages and it is unfair for your son to make such demands on you. You are a grandparent and you should be able to come and go at your leisure not on demand.
Sounds like your son may be a bit overwhelmed and he's looking for you to pick up the slack. (Not your job) Tell him to get them involved in some sort of activity. You should not be made to be the baby sitter. Again, I'll say..."you should spend time with the kids at your leisure"
I don't know your particular situation with raising your son but he is an adult now and you can not make up for missed time. The past is just that "the past" all we can do is live this moment, now in the present and if you have not had time or don't feel like it that's just the way it is.
Guilt is manipulative, abusive and sometimes quite effective. Do what you can and let the rest go!
God Bless you
2006-10-15 13:07:26 · answer #2 · answered by californian 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son should be a bit more understanding of your situation. You have to work to support yourself. Is he going to support you and pay your bills????? No, he isn't. It's not like your doing this on purpose, but you can't do anything right now to put your job on the line either. He should know this, and if he can't understand then he's being selfish. The little time you do have off once in a while, just try and squeeze the grandkids in then, but don't beat yourself up about this and feel gulity because your doing what you have to do not because you want to, but because you have to. Let him know this and leave it at that.
2006-10-15 12:40:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to have the same problem. Between work and housework, I found it almost impossible to spend some quality time with my grand babies.
The solution ... I'd pick them up after work and have them spend a couple days with me. I have three grand babies ages 7, 4 and 2. I usually wait until their a little older ... like three ... before I have them spending the night at my place ... when they're under three, it's just too hard to keep up with them.
My two eldest grand babies are in playschool/grade 2 so, I take them to school in the morning, then pick them up after school to spend another night with me. I also only take one at a time to spend time with me ... it's easier on me, and makes the little one feel special. The odd week-end they spend the week-end with me as well ... not a lot, as I do need some time to myself.
They're quite content with what I have worked out ... we still have time to go to the playground, go for an ice cream or bake up a batch of cookies ... etc. Gawd ... aren't grand-children the absolute best?!!
2006-10-15 12:55:35 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Carol♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you honestly are busy, tell him. Don't feel guilty unless you know that you DO have something to feel guilty about.
He should understand if he knows your hours and how much you want to see your g-kids but you can't.Make time for them on days off though. If you hardly ever get a day off, then maybe you should find a job that gives you more time for your own life outside of work.
2006-10-15 12:46:46 · answer #5 · answered by sweetdollツ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your son if he wants to support you and then you'll have plenty of time to spend with the grand kids. ;o) But honestly though seeing how he's an adult you'd think he'd understand how much your working. Why feel guilty, your trying to make a living to support yourself.
2006-10-15 12:44:13 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you shouldn't feel guilty. But time is passing and the kids are growing and soon they will be older and not interested in you as much. See what you can do with them. Get him to bring them over for a short period of time so you don't have to travel.
2006-10-15 12:40:55 · answer #7 · answered by Gone fishin' 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like there's probably more to this than just that your son is making you feel guilty.
I once had a friend who said guilt is accepted, not given. If you're doing the best you can to meet your needs and try to give your time fairly, then you can have a clear conscience.
Good luck.
2006-10-15 12:38:14 · answer #8 · answered by princessmeltdown 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not take the kids for ice cream on your next day off! Just you and them. Then have coffee with your son when you bring them home. Sometimes it's more him missing you than you not seeing the kids. Know what I mean? Make time, it's good for both of you. Sounds like you could use a little "me" time anyway.
Be good to yourself! Hugs
2006-10-15 12:37:24 · answer #9 · answered by Alterfemego 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't feel quilty and he should understand.
Many families live in different states and don't get to see their grandchildren except for Christmas and Thanksgiving - this happens to be my brother.
My boss only sees her granddaughter 1 every 2 weeks - and she lives about 15 miles away.
My brother's kids understand, and so does my boss's daughter.
Sounds like your son isn't to mature, just wants a babysitter or is plain selfish. He should realize and understand you situation also.
2006-10-15 12:42:20 · answer #10 · answered by che_mar_cody 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋