How can i best handle my previously well behaved 11 year old daughter who has become increasingly become rebel

Question

How can i best handle my previously well behaved 11 year old daughter who has become increasingly become rebellious?

Answer 1

show her lots of respect and personal space. Don't go on like she's the same person, you have to learn a new way of relating to her.

Answer 2

.
I'm sorry you feel at a loss
but I've been through this
and have a solution that WORKs !!!

1. First STOP trying to by your child's "friend".
2. Do let your child KNOW that you are working hard to provide a good home for them. Yes, LET THEM KNOW. They forget.
3. Let your child know that you are totally aware of all that is going on in their world, because you have been there.
...Mom I can almost guarantee that what your child thinks about 90% of the time is attracting a boy/girl friend. The rest of the time they are thinking about doing stuff with their best friend.
They DO NOT think about home and chores.

4. Know that your child is being rebellious, because they want to run wild...however, if you LET them, they will hate you FAR WORSE than
if you are a fair and FIRM disiplinarian.

5. Never disipline with WHINING or ANGER. Never. Did I say "Never"?
Never

6. USE THE REWARD SYSTEM
It is simple, and it WORKS !!!!!

You keep calm and tell your child with an authoritive and collected manner
that YOU are in charge of running your home, and YOU will decide what is BEST for your child now and toward their future and toward building their good character. Yes, tell them those words.
Let them know, that you will use the REWARD SYSTEM.
When they disobey your rule, they will have something (item or priviledge) taken away.
When they obey, they will not only keep their current item or priviledge, they will earn an increase.
Now you give them the parameters.
These must include chores
and reasonable (sensible) restrictions.

When your child disobeys, and they will,
NEVER whine or get angry. < Reminder
Never demand to know why...that's just ridiculous to ask a kid why they did something.
They did it because at the time, it seemed the cool thing to do, and they DIDN'T THINK.
That is ALWAYS the reason why.
So when your child disobeys say:
"You goofed up"..."You won't get to _____ this week; AND until you tell me you're sorry."
Now, your child will be very very very reluctant to say they are sorry
and after about a week they will only say it
because you made them
but that is ok...they said it...and that makes good practice.

You are preparing this out of control young person with an adults body and a childs mind
to become a responsible adult.
YOU are the teacher, and the lessons are uncool. Remember, it is YOUR JOB to TEACH, and kids don't like teachers that give hard lessons.
So accept that YOU WON'T BE LIKED
for now anyway...

Here's the truth, you WON'T be liked or respected UNTIL your child turns about 30 with their own kids to confuse them ha ha ha ha
Then they will finally come to you, and tell you what a great parent you were
and ask you how you solved these questions.

God bless you, and keep you calm
and firm, and sure of your direction.
stw
.

Answer 3

First you must find the reason why she has become rebellious.

What has changed in her life?

Kids do reach a point where they want more independence but they don't rebell for no reason. Find the reason then you can find your answers.

My now 22 year old was the perfect child until he reached 11. His change was a new home, new neighborhood, and new friends. He began shoplifting. It turned out that he wanted to be friends with everyone to the point that he was changing who he was in order to have these new friends. His so called friends would talk him into stealing then turn around and tell on him.

I tried encouraging him to make better choices of friends. Told him that it was better to have a couple good friends than to have many friends who were not good for him. Unfortunately it wasn't until I had to take drastic measures with a belt across his behind before he was able to see the light. Hopefully you won't have to go that far.

If I was to do it over again today I probably would have made time to spend more time with him. Would have enforced boundaries better and provide him with more productive choices to distract him from those people.

He did thank me for that butt whippin. When he was 16 he came to me one day and told me thanks because he knew if I had not done it that the stealing would have continued and things would have got worse.

And after the butt whippin he became my angel again... at least until he turned 16 and we went through some more life changes.

Good luck!

Answer 4

The best thing a parent can use is communication, we found when we would play board games with our kids is when we learned the most or let them have a friend spend the night. Kids will open up though when you play a board game and start telling you things that are bothering them or at least give you a clue. I know this is a difficult age for kids, they have realized they will soon be teens. I say don't be too quick to get tough, I would use love and understanding, maybe take a couple of hours just you and her and take a walk or go out to eat and tell her, I want to understand your feelings and help you any way I can, will you let me know the best way to do that? Good luck

Answer 5

Wow what a mess of answers must be a bad day for people to be stuck home.

I have an 11 nearly 12 yr old girl myself and saw this very thing happen with ours. I searched high and low for how best to tackle this and no one had any truly useful advice from doctors to teachers so I just went by instinct and things are slowly turning around.

I think most of the issue is truly hormone and age related so try not to take the changes personally it just makes the entire process harder to handle.

First set the rules and boundries clearly- we sat down had a talk a few times (note they seem to lose the ability to retain things at this age too). We also wrote them down and I typed the house rules up and posted them so I could point to them when she was out of line.

Stick to your guns- punishment like lost privledges doesn't mean anything when you relent or allow them to tag along for outings when they break the rules or talk back. I had to start making her stay home on weekends and during the evenings with my husband because taking her along to run errands seemed to let her think she 'wasn't grounded' anymore even though the trips were normal everyday grocery trips and stuff like that.

No TV means no TV- first see if they can manage to follow the rules but when you catch them over and over turning it on sneaking to watch take the set away or disconnect it period. Same goes for the phone and internet. It's tough, you feel like a meany but it sends a message you wont give in and shows you see what's going on so later they will be less likely to lie or sneak around. The eyes in the back of your head moments cut off some bad behaviour if you stick to consequences from the start.

We have othe rkids so it made it hard to enforce some rules but we did our best. We also made a point of talking about why she was in trouble and noted the behaviours which landed her there. We stressed that bad behaviour wasn't acceptable and I pointed out how actions she did now just simply weren't acceptable not only for kids but as an adult too- this actually seemed to make more sense to her then most anything else we tried.

We also tried to stop or head off bad behaviour when we saw it start by reminding her she was headed for trouble and how she should be acting or reacting to things rather then the rebelious outburst or back talking.

All in all she is starting to understand and catch herself from acting like a pain. The worst is the arguing- she argues about anything and uses a tone that sounds very much like she is our equal about everyday topics or discussions. For these our latest approach is to stop, remind her she is the CHILD and that we wont respond to arguing from a child. If she has a point or wants to discuss something she can do it politely or not at all.

Somehow I think we have raised a generation of kids who honestly think they have every right to question anyone and everything but without thinking things through or with tact and respect. I hope we can stop ours from acting this way but we do know it gets worse when she is around over children her own age.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Children "rebel" because they don't know where the boundaries of acceptable behaviour are. She is in effect asking you to guide her and "find the envelope". Tell her quite clearly what is and what is not acceptable but be sure to EXPLAIN WHY. And never smack her. She will associate punishment with learning which will confuse her and make problems for her in the future.

We've all been there as parents - good luck

Answer 7

Have you tried speaking to her teacher to see if there is something going on in school?
It could just be the fact that she is heading for her teens but don't turn it into an excuse.
Don't give in to any demands, it might seem to make life easier but it won't in the long run.
Is she doing it for attention? If so try to ignore the behaviour and only acknowledge positive behaviour. Maybe let her know that her behaviour is not acceptable and if it continues she will lose priviledges. Not sure what else to suggest as I don't know what you have tried.

Answer 8

my daughter was the perfect daughter untill she went to high school changed so much went and spent sumtime with daddy to see if that would help just turned 14 last week got herself a boyfriend just found out she is 21 weeks pregnant dont let the communcating stop between you and your daughter talk to her give her sum freedom but kept checks where is i wish i had if she had stayed with me wouldnt have got herself in that way but i had no choice she was drinking run away for 3 days broke my heart letting her go to her dads dont make the same mistake as me talk to her be her mate. lisa x

Answer 9

Sit down and talk to her and find out what is making her angry,Good children just don't turn bad,Who are her new friends and what are they like,l have 5 kids and all are grown up now and l had my times with every one of them but l was always an top of them l made sure they were where they said they were and with who they said they would be with they were with l never ever gave them a chance to lie and if l caught them in a lie the were in trouble ...Good luck

Answer 10

Know what you mean - I have 11 year old male twins who are just as bad - I'm afraid it's just a fact of life. They all have hormones raging at this age. If they scream and shout, keep your cool and try and talk to them reasonably. This may have to wait until they calm down. Above all, tell her you love them constantly, this makes them feel secure and they know you still love them no matter how they behave. Give her plenty of attention. With my elder son, we used to go for walks at night on our own so that we could chat about things - he got all my attention and I could really talk to him about what was going on with him.

Answer 11

My little sister is becoming the same way. Just sit ddown with her and ask her why she has changed so much. Even though they are young, they still bottle up feelings that make them sad. She also could be trying to express herself. Hopefully it will pass at 13 or 14.