we had moved to virginia 2 yrs ago and since then found land and now have a house. we have 3 small boys 18 months 5, and 10 who also has special needs. may of 2006 my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that metastized to his liver and lymph nodes. his family came down to take him up to nj for treatment because they believe it was better. so in the summer we all went up north and lived between my parents house and his mothers house where he was staying. it was time for school to start up and he wanted to stay up in nj to finished his treatment then to return here in va.i returned with our children on my on raising the boys. my family down here is my church family and friends. i dont know how long my husband has but we miss him. his family wants us to move up there, my husband says he is coming down but is afraid and i am torn because his family thinks i dont love him because i wanted to have a stable envirnoment for the kids. what do i do? please help i feel so torn
2006-10-15 04:26:00 · 8 answers · asked by charlene f 1 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Cancer
Your primary support system if / when your husband dies will be your family. I'd keep the house near your family. You're gonna need them. If your family is in NJ, I'd move back there. If they are in VA then I'd stay down there.
Your kids won't have a stable environment for a long time. That's a sad fact of life. They need to be in counseling, as do you. There will be nothing normal for a long time here.
Personally, I can't believe that husband needs treatment in NJ that he can't get in VA. If your husband is terminal, then why is he doing treatments? If you've made the choice to do treatment in an attempt to beat the odds (and that is a valid choice) then that is one thing, and the time apart is one of the prices you pay. On the other hand, if he is just doing "pain and comfort" meds (hospice) then I'm sure that you can find that in VA.
2006-10-15 04:39:50 · answer #1 · answered by geek49203 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Rent out your house in Va if you can, move in and register the children for school in NJ at the house in NJ where you will stay until you don't have to anymore. You really can't do anything but prepare the kids for Daddy's going, and keeping them away from him in the hopes of giving them stability is something they may feel bad about later on. Recognizing that there are changes that will come and talking about how to handle those changes and what you husbands wishes are can be very important to you and the kids. Don't cheat yourself of the last conversations you can have with him. Its going to be tough, but its been done before and you can do it with the help of family, friends and church.
Contact a hospice organization to help you and your family, they are wonderful people with the ability to listen and understand in just these circumstances.
2006-10-15 04:41:26 · answer #2 · answered by justa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God bless all of you. You have successfully dealt with the unimaginable. It is not just your husband that you are dealing with but also the emotions and outcome of the lives of your sons. Do what you can for today.... only. Whether or not everyone likes your decisions is unimportant. You have a name and it is not God....there is no practicality in this situation. Do the best you can in every aspect and go to sleep....God is awake.
2006-10-15 05:32:16 · answer #3 · answered by jodie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is chilly. it quite is your basically thank you to pay very final understand to a woman that become reliable to you. Jealousy isn't a reliable ingredient and you need to think of two times with being with somebody like this. while you're respectful such as your ex usually because of daughter, i ask your self how lots resentment she has in direction of your daughter additionally. i think of you need to evaluate this relationship very heavily. this may be the time to pass on till now you ought to any extent further time with this female. i ask your self how she could sense if this become any incorrect way around and it become her mom that become dying.
2016-10-19 10:40:38 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont have any children but I think they would be as upset to be away from their dad than to be away from school and their friends.
I can imagine its difficult to move them around especially when the family are upset but surely its better you are all together and you and your children get to enjoy what time you can with your husband and he gets to see them as much as he can as Im sure it will help him physically as well as mentally.
where does your husband want to be ? thats where you need to be too
2006-10-15 04:47:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why dont you go and stay with your husband while he has his treatment, it's obvious that you and the boys miss him. if he is happy in nj why not go and stay there with him and spend the last few months of his life with him where he is happy. you can always go back home later.... i no if it was my hubby i would want him to be where he is happy and i would also want to be with him, i would neva forgive myself if anything happened to him when i wasnt with him....
2006-10-15 04:40:07 · answer #6 · answered by taryn3piper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to spend time with you, the kids and his family. If he wants to move back you definatley should to. Whatever will help him. You don't get a second chance. Go with him and your kids need to spend as much time as they can with thier dad. You can move back later.
2006-10-15 04:38:27 · answer #7 · answered by Michelle K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you need to spend time with your husband...
Regardless of where he is...
2006-10-15 04:29:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋