any advice appreciated
it seems that the longer i live with her, the more i loose myself.
i love her so much that i spend a lot of time with her but as a result i'm not the interestng person i use to be.
i no longer have time for individual hobbies. i dont know what to do.
2006-10-15 04:17:07 · 12 answers · asked by Cuba L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
While it is true that this is very typical in relationships, especially new ones,You may want to examine the possiblity that you are being controlled by your partner.In my marriage, I feel so melded I don't even care about my individuality;but that security comes form the fact that my wife NEVER stands in the way of what I want to do, infact, she supports me and I her,with the majority of our interests in common.Now I can remember another relationship I had were my then-partner was determined to "mold me into the me I was always supposed to be".Everything from diet to sex and even spirituality was something she felt she had the right to
control in me.It wasn't until we broke up (because I couldn't conform to her standards) that I finally realized
that this was the case.Mutual friends we had would come up to me and tell me how glad they were that we broke up and that I was finally myself again.If it is merely a matter of time and being in the full throes of the honeymooon period, don't worry about it.But if you feel as if you are being "Puppeteered",I'd say something and pronto-voice of experience.
2006-10-15 04:31:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Never loose yourself...continue to do things that you enjoy...include her in some things but find some time away from her just for yourself...
Generally when relationships are new this is always the feeling...but if you would like a long lasting self fulfilling relationship I think each individual needs there own space (her too)
You don't want your love to later be overbearing, jealous, insecure "maniac" I can't live without you love, now do you?
It's ok to be an individual...that's generally how we are born. You'll learn more about her, too. Like what her hobbies are or what she does when your not around. Love is open not constricting.
Good luck!
2006-10-15 04:37:22 · answer #2 · answered by californian 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
WOW!! does that sound like me, I was in a long term relationship we finally broke up I could not believe that I had turned into this person I didn't even know. I gave up alot of who I was became complacent.Even down to the kind of eggs I liked hobbies I enjoyed etc.I found as time went on," WHAT WAS I THINKING"!!Love makes us to crazy things tha's for sure!!! I had given up everything I was to be with this man for what???
I had to take a good look at myself and start all over again, maybe if I had fought and stood my ground he would have respected me more. So heed my warning! Put your foot down don't ever change who you are for anyone! You deserve to right and the enjoyment that is YOU!!
Never change,Never give up yourself.....In the end she will respect you,if she doesn't she was not right for you.... Good Luck....
2006-10-15 06:53:55 · answer #3 · answered by SpecialLdy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did the exact same thing with a guy that i was with for almost 2 years. I conformed to his interests and his friends and totally lost myself and my own identity. In the end when the relationship didn't work out, I lost 2 close friends because of it. Dont make the same mistake I made. You have to have time apart and not lose yourself for someone else. There has to be "me", "you", and "us" in any relationship for it to be healthy. Make time for your friends and your hobbies or u will regret it in the end.
2006-10-15 04:23:20 · answer #4 · answered by Amber 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You living your life the way want it to be but remember that individual life is different from a married life.
2006-10-15 04:27:22 · answer #5 · answered by freeall_freeme 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell her how you feel. Then ask her if you could go do some things you like to do and try to gain back your old personality.
2006-10-15 04:35:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
this effect will go with time, such things happen in new relationships but if you have been together for more than a year and this still happens, then you must be really smitten
2006-10-15 04:19:03 · answer #7 · answered by bibi 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
make time for your hobbies. we don't want you spending every minute together. there has to be "me" time or friend time in there or it won't work you will get sick of one another eventually.
2006-10-15 04:22:09 · answer #8 · answered by smurfette_ftwayne 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
allow yourself time to be alone or at least take her with you and enjoy something you like to do. Good luck to you, take care
2006-10-15 04:20:20 · answer #9 · answered by Michelle : 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do something that is uniquely yours. Like pursue your hobbies, your sport etc...
2006-10-15 04:23:33 · answer #10 · answered by Keepingmycool 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋