My fiancee has recently come into a windfall from selling one of her businesses (software design) but doesn't want to flaunt it and in fact has been extremely low-key that she pocketed in the low seven figures. We're just now starting to plan our wedding (it's the first time for both of us--I'm 31, she's 33) and I realize that it's traditional for the bride's family to pay for the wedding and reception, but we really don't want any unnecessary money to be spent by anyone, although we can afford a few frills in the ceremony and reception, not to mention a really kick-butt honeymoon. Her family spent no small amounts of money for her two sisters' weddings (both of them are in their mid-20s) but we'd much rather that her family give a comparable sum to charity if they are intent on spending money for this, and likewise we'd like for our guests to give to charity instead of to us, but how can we do this without raising eyebrows that we're foregoing the usual traditional gifts and stuff?
2006-10-14 22:00:02 · 8 answers · asked by Nada Thing 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
i would express your feelings in a detailed and well thought out letter to your close loved ones. I'm sure they'll understand and if they love you, they'll follow your wishes and wish you a great honeymoon. good luck, i'd like to know how you handle this..thanks.
2006-10-14 22:07:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let your parents pay for the wedding, and then you can give a donation to the charity of choice. Don't forget to write this off of your Income Taxes as well. If your income is high this year, then these two write offs will definitely help you come tax time. As for gifts at the wedding. This can be easily taken care of on the Wedding Invitation. Even when you send the Save the Date cards to your guests, you can have it printed at that point and everyone invited will know exactly what to do. This is nice! Best Wishes for a wonderful life!
2006-10-15 02:20:53 · answer #2 · answered by me2007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just went for an 'unorthodox' wedding & made my wishes plain without revealing personal details.
I chose a low-key wedding (11 guests), keeping it a secret from everyone else. We got married on a cay in the Great Barrier Reef.
No matter what you choose..a big pavlova wedding or a small personal occasion, or something in between, people will be offended in some way, shape or form. Blow them! Whose day is it?
I think you're a great couple for choosing to request that what would be un-needed gifts & expense spent on you be passed on to the needy.
Alternatively, you could graciously accept the gifts then pass them on to those who need them yourselves.
No matter how disappointed your bride's family is about not having a big occasion, they'll get over it and respect your wishes.
I think you're a special couple, & deserve all that's good in life.
I toast you!
2006-10-14 22:23:30 · answer #3 · answered by Chencha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the family could be insulted by that. Tell them that you can afford you marriage and would rather them not pay for it but also tell them that if they feel it is necessary they can pay for some of it. If you dont want them to pay for all of it, come up with a plan so that you both are happy, and as for you guests, on the invitation, tell them that you would be much happier if they donated money to a charity, then bought them presents. If you would like to name a charity of your preference it might seem like their donating that money as a gift to you. Your right it is breaking tradition and since the parents paid for all the wedding so far they may think it necessary for them to pay for yours as well, just let them know that you would prefer them not too, and that if they insist then you will let them pay for a portion of it. If they seem insulted by it then ask them to instead donate the money they would spend on your wedding to a charity of your choice. That way it seems like they are giving you somthing that you want.
2006-10-14 22:06:21 · answer #4 · answered by Don A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that it is your wedding and while you would appreciate their help you would rather that they spend the money on themselves rather than on you and your fiancee.
If you have your own houses/businesses etc then it may be easier to tell people that you have what you need but that there are other people out there that don't and you feel that you want to share the joy of your day by sharing it with people that need it more than you do. Tell them that those who do not want to give you money/give to charity can buy you gifts but that you would prefer charitable donations.
2006-10-14 22:10:52 · answer #5 · answered by Jez 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These days it's common for the couple to pay for their own wedding, so just explain that to the parents. As for gifts, include a tastefully worded note.
2006-10-15 01:57:26 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well. you can allow her family to pay. Then as time goes by give the money back. In several different way. Like holidays,birthdays,and trips and so on. There is no reason to upset your family to be. So just allow them to enjoy paying. While you enjoy finding different fun ways to pay them back.
2006-10-14 22:15:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, lets see how about the wedding march
2006-10-15 00:12:18 · answer #8 · answered by redneck 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋