I have a mother that is 'sick' in the head. She is overbearing and controlling. When I use to live with her, she would take her anger out on me and made me feel bad for arguing with her. She would say: "I've raised you, you un-grateful person" and then threaten to kick me out of the house. Power corrupts absolute power corrupt absolutely, so as you can see, she was 'always right'.
Anyways, one day she made one too many threat and abused her power one too many times. I pack-up my thinks and move out. Now I'm doing great and come home 'once in a while', I have the power to see her, she don't have the power to see me. She don't know where I live, I refuse to let her know.
Now she is trying to make me feel guilty for not sharing me life with her. She abused her power as a mother through out my childhood. So why should I be the proper son if she was not a proper mother. What are your thoughts?
2006-10-14 18:10:00 · 7 answers · asked by Inquisit 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Because you need to be the bigger person in this situation and set an example for HER. Like you said, you are in control now and you can show her how to have a healthy parent/son relationship. Obviously you love her or you wouldn't be asking this question.
My mother is very opinionated as well. She is always right even if I have facts to back me up. At this point in my life I refuse to argue with her. As rude as it sounds I have hung up on her on the phone after telling her -"I'm not discussing this anymore. Love you Mom. Goodbye. Click"
It helped me to realize the enviornment my mother grew up in - I never heard her parents say a kind word to each other. Understanding what she survived as a child makes me more tolerant of her even though I still won't allow the negativity.
Another way to think about it - if you cut her out of your life now you are becoming like her. You will not be breaking out of the mold she has set. You will look at yourself years down the road and see her in you. Not a great feeling. Be the bigger person. Allow her in your life but set some boundries.
God bless you!
2006-10-14 18:24:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
Best thing you did was move out. Some mothers have this sickening way of loading their child with guilt "if they dont do what they want them to do". So as you say now you have the "power" to see her when you want. I would tell her how you feel. If you find it impossible to talk to her, then write her a letter and after one of your visits give it to her. It may sink in better if she can read it over and over again, and it just may sink into her head what she has done. Carry on with your life, enjoy it, and dont give in to her threats. Next thing is she will start saying her health is bad to manipulate you. She needs serious help. Good luck to you.
2006-10-14 18:30:10 · answer #2 · answered by Vonnie S 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunately, sometimes we have to have "tough love". If your mother cannot respect you and show you love, then you may be doing the right thing to distance yourself from her... but don't cut her off completely. She is still your mother and I'm sure she loves you in her own way. Maybe you could find a way to ask her if she would like to go to family counseling with you to see if you can learn to get along together better?
As far as the guilt trips, don't let it bother you too much. It sounds like you don't feel safe around her, and you have a right to be safe and secure in your own home. Allow yourself some time, and see how she reacts. Gradually let her back in as you feel more comfortable. Try meeting her in neutral places like restaurants, museums, or the mall. Maybe as time goes on you'll be able to invite her over some day. I feel sorry for you... I am very close to my mother and I couldn't imagine having to isolate myself from her in that way...
But as someone once told me... "we can't choose our families, that's why we have friends."
2006-10-14 18:50:00 · answer #3 · answered by ŧťŠ4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know what you are going through. My mother was crazy, seriously crazy! She would always take her frustrations out on me and my sister, whom was 6 yrs older than me. I am 23 now, live a state away, visit when i want to, not when she wants me to. Don't feel guilty by how you cope with what you have went through. Sometimes i start to feel a lil guilty, but then i remember everything she has put me through, and i know that it is right. You have to forgive her, but can you forget about all of the crap? I can't...i never will. But i still love her even though i was mentally and physically abused by the winch. Family is everything, just remember that.
2006-10-14 18:16:50 · answer #4 · answered by ~*StAcY*~ 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Hi my motherwas so careing she suffucated me tryed to control me, did all kinds of things . but I held love, because,she did, but I wish I had done like you did,get away, stay away, be detached, with love in your heart but do not let her run your life are put you down leave whenever she does put you down,.EVERY time. she will learn,. if you do it every time just walk out,no words.call her on the phone. she will eather stop and realize .are you will be free, I wish you well. do try to have a detached love, love is a good thing,I wish you both well.
2006-10-14 18:17:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why don't you try telling her that. And if she's too immature to listen, write it in a letter. She needs to know about all the things she has done to you.
2006-10-14 18:12:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
something about you,just don't hit me right.why place on the blame on your mother,i have the feeling you carry as much guilt as her.
2006-10-14 19:09:39 · answer #7 · answered by jgmafb 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋