We have been together for 4 years. when we first got together we were gonna to get married. we got pregnant, then lost the baby. now he says that back then he thought he was ready for both, but now, he is not/ nor may ever be ready for either. that hurts my feelings, i feel as though it is me, but he said he still loves me, and we have lived together for the 4 years, is he just sick of me, or could he really just not be prepared? i mesn his parents got divorced, and he says that another reason that he won't marry me is because 20 years down the road he may just get fed up and leave. i just don't know what to do. these are my dreams, and he said that i should maybe just leave and find someone new, because he doesn't think that i should sacrifice my dreams, but he isn't sure if he can ever give me what i want. what do you think i can do to change his mind?
2006-10-14 18:01:01 · 21 answers · asked by jashaunte 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Move ON !!
He want's to break up, but doesn't have the 'balls' to do it.
All the coded words are there, -and he's just keeping you around until, he finds someone else to bang.
You'll get a man by spreading your legs, - but you'll never keep him that way!!!
2006-10-14 18:10:09 · answer #1 · answered by MK6 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you? If you are very young, then maybe you both need some time to continue to grow together.
If you are not "young" then I would suggest maybe you take a break from one another. Absence makes the heart grow fonder? Maybe moving out, having your own lives for a while will be the wake up call he needs to realize he does not want to lose you. And yet, if he does not decide marriage is the right thing for him even after some time apart, then you know now rather than later that he does not want to get married. Don't waste another 4 yrs waiting for something that may not happen.
If you are ready for marriage and he is not, then you have to decide if you will ever be happy just being the gilfriend and not the wife and mother.
2006-10-15 01:05:53 · answer #2 · answered by PT&L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, understand that you cannot make anybody do what they are not prepared or simply not willing to do and that you are not responsible for getting him to that point. He, and he alone, is.
You mentioned that he said something to the effect that he might get "fed up" and leave? That's a pretty big red flag, there! Someone who actually loves you will love you unconditionally, no matter what.
"Fed up?" How about when the bills come and you can't seem to keep food on the table or keep the rent up and the landlord is breathing down your necks or if one of your children dies? These things can happen, you know. Make sure you have an adult who knows for certain that he loves you, not some milquetoast who might bail out on you because he has reached the "fed up" point.
Forgive me for sounding so corrosive here, but life is hard and very unfair. Marriage is demanding -- what it needs are two, strong minded adults (who accept responsibility for their actions) to take its vows as sacred verse. Yes, with hard work it can be a wonderful, rewarding experience...
...but it isn't for the squeamish.
2006-10-15 01:35:35 · answer #3 · answered by calledkevinalot 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He won't marry you now because he's not sure about 20 years from now? What a poor excuse!
The truth is, if he was that into you, he never would have suggested you find someone else. I know this will sound harsh, but sometimes the sooner we hear the truth, the sooner we can move on with our lives. The reality is that it's not marriage he has an issue with. He simply does not want to marry you. There is no changing his mind. He's happy with the way things are. If you want marriage, he's already told you you're not going to get it with him.
I'm sorry. I know this hurts you, but he's already given you his answer.
Take care and I wish you well.
2006-10-15 01:14:06 · answer #4 · answered by Lovely 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just went through this with my friend. My goodness, what can he do to change your mind? If the answer is "nothing" than imagine how he feels. You can never change a man. You have to ask yourself, what is the worst thing about this person and can I live with it for the rest of my life? if the answer is "yes" then great he's the one for you. If the answer is "no" then it is time to find someone else. There has to be room for compromise in any relationship, but you either want to get married and have kids or you don't, there's not a lot of leeway there. Just remember that if you do give in and it's not really in your heart, regret leads to resentment and that will ruin even the greatest of relationships. Good luck to you.
2006-10-15 01:08:22 · answer #5 · answered by JennieLouie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change his mind. Losing a child is hard, for both parents. That may have hurt him so deeply that he may not want kids, or to get married. If you really love him, and vice versa, then hold on to what you have. Don't pass on love, it is worth more that anything in the world. In time the pain will begin to fade, and the wounds will heal, and he just may change his mind. The best you can do is be understanding, be supportive, and don't push the issue. When the time is right, what is meant to be will happen. Hold on to your dreams, just don't push them on him. If he really loves you, your dreams will become his. It works the other way too. Best of wishes!
2006-10-15 01:10:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If someone loves each other will not stop and think of what can happen down the road cz you never know....exemple: even though his parents got divorce it doesn't mean it will happen to you guys.
I would sit him down and talk things through but have a feeling that he might be in love with someone else.
2006-10-15 02:10:38 · answer #7 · answered by oneswtmystery 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can do nothing to change his mind. He's already made it up. He has told you to leave. Didn't you hear it? He just doesn't want to be blamed for the break up. Or maybe he's afraid to break up with you for some reason. Could that be? I think you are fighting a battle that may already be over, but he's too lazy to end it.
Move on and be happy.......yes, you can.
2006-10-15 01:10:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The person you love isn't always the best person for you, and there isn't much you can do about it. Even though it will really hurt, don't waste your time trying to change someone who doesn't have the same goals and dreams that you have. You might not think there is anyone better for you, but believe me, there is. You ust have to let yourself have the opportunity to find him.
2006-10-15 01:10:13 · answer #9 · answered by tsopolly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't try to change his mind. You wouldn't want to get into a marriage that is one-sided that you will regret later. It's not worth it. At this point cut your losses and move on. I know it's hard but forcing a man to marry you whom is not ready will only lead to more problems in the future, ex. cheating, divorce etc. Remember it's not you, its him.
2006-10-15 01:27:22 · answer #10 · answered by salleey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he says he doesn't want to marry you then respect him and his choice. If you're looking to get married then leave him and move on. Time apart may also put things in perspective for the both of you.
2006-10-15 14:40:49 · answer #11 · answered by Waterlily 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋