My husband is turning into an alcoholic, what can I do?

Question

The stress in our life and marriage has been pretty unbarable. My husband seems to be addictive in nature, he used to smoke, I made him quit, he started drinking caffine in mass amounts (2-4 red bulls a day) and finally he stopped that (although he still drinks too much coke and coffee) now, since he has to work all the time and full time school, he has taken to drinking a lot. He'll go through over half a huge bottle of rum and at least a six pack of beer in a week. I've been trying to tell him he is turning into an alcoholic and should quit now before it gets worse, but he thinks it's stupid. He's really really stubborn, he never listens and thinks he has complete control over his body, so addiction to him is just not possible. What can I do to keep him from becoming and alcoholic? He's drinking more and more each week...

I've already talked to him, I do all the time, it just seems to make him do it more! How can I stop him?!

Okay, we are on each others nerves constantly, we are TOO MUCH ALIKE. Neither of us back down. I could lay off him a bit (although I wish he would lay off me!) but, what I'm worried about is that that is not going to make him stop. If he had always drank like this, I wouldn't be worried, but it's almost like he is replacing other addictions with this. He started out drinking a few beers a day, then it turned into more and then came the hard liquor, it just seems to be getting worse. I'm worried if I lay off he will slip to a point of no return, where as now he could turn back...

Answer 1

If he never listens how did you make him quit smoking and drinking red bull. Do what you did when you made him quit those things.

Answer 2

Did you ever think that maybe he's doing all this for your attention? Is there something else in your relationship that has changed since this has happened? A half a bottle of rum and a six pack of beer in a week is not an alcoholic unless the person drinking it has an adverse personality change. Each individual is very different regarding alcohol intake and how effects there life. Sounds like your trying to control his life...does he miss work? Or physically harm you are anyone else? Does he take care of himself and his responsibilities? If he can do all of this he is not an alcoholic. Maybe you need to look in the mirror for an explanation on what is happening here.

Answer 3

You yourself can contact the local chapter of AA which has a branch for family suport groups. That are called Alonon for Families of a known Alcoholic person. They offer litichure hand
outs. Support groups meetings also. Then check with your churches that you may live close by. This is even if you are not a member. Then look up in the front of white pages under local Support Groups for Alcohol/Drug Counselors etc. Some are Free other may have a slidding scale for services.
This has helped other that I have know had similar problems,challenges in family life. Good Luck and hope you beleave in Praying it never hurts just Bleave and have Faith.
Then also beleave in Tough Love if you want things to work out.
" Tough Times Don't Last but Tough People Do."
From Dr. Robert H. Schlur -Book 1989: It Works.

Answer 4

Ok, first you need to find out why he is self-medicating. He is hurting and he may not be concious of that but he is. That is why people can get addictions, and have them escalate. You need to have a deep down conversation with him. Every time you get him to stop one addiction he will soon start another. You need to start communicating, and explain to him how you feel. Maybe try approaching the conversation different, because he could just see your communicating as nagging.

It's going to be hard at first, because he's most likely living in denial, and hiding from his troubles. You need to help him with whatever that is troubling, and the first step would be communicating to him that he has a problem. Even if you already have told him, it probably wasn't in the best way. Have you ever watched that show Intervention on A&E? It really can help give you some ideas on how to approach your husbands addiction problem to him.

Hope things go well.

Answer 5

It's great that you're worried now and looking to stop him. It's easy to let things go to the point of no return. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. I think you should go to your local AA meeting and not tell anyone. There you can ask the experts and others whove been there, about some ways that you can help him see where he's heading. If he has an addictive personality, DO NOT blame yourself for his behavior. You're not only being a great wife to him, but you're being a great friend. Good luck... ps if you know his doctor, you may mention his compulsive personality to him. He may have a form of dpression, that's not really "sadness", but impulsive behavior and it's greatly helped with antidepressants. Never tell him he's sick or that he needs medicine, but if you tell his doctor, then he can bring it up without getting your husband defensive.

Answer 6

First, not to sound crass, but a person does not become an alcoholic, one either is, or isn't. If one is an alcoholic, then drinking simply brings out the symptoms. Not all who drink heavily are alcoholics.

As the disease of alcoholism progresses, the individual begins to lose control over what they drink when they drink. They begin to crave drinks at certain times of the day, and when compelled to quit, will find ways to get drinks, hide bottles about the house and other such compulsive behavior.

A large part of alcoholism is the illusion that they are not alcoholic, and that they could quit whenever they choose. Being so confused, attempts at convincing them that they are alcoholic are usually without success.

Most alcoholics do not quit until a major event makes it absolutely clear that they are alcoholic and cannot manage their own lives. For some, failed marriages, traffic accidents, lost jobs, and even major illness as a direct result of drinking will fail to convince them.

My recommendation to you is to get in touch with a group called Alanon. This is a group dedicated to helping family and friends of alcoholics. Your husband will have to help himself, but alcoholism is a disease that affects family members as well, and this group can help you cope. They can also offer advice as to how to help your husband recognize his illness. Below is a link

Answer 7

AA, find out what is stressing him, and hopefully it is not you. Nothing wrong with a drink here and there, but I wouldn't be concerned about a 6 pack a week. If it was a 6 pack a day, then you may want to get concerned. The rum you may want to talk to him about though. Just don't worry now. Is he working, coming home to you, performing his function as your husband?

Answer 8

First; talk to the Al-Anon people in your area. Unfortunately, no one can make a drinker stop with words. It has to be their choice. Secondly; don't take any rash actions until you have some more knowledge on the situation. (Hence the Al-Anon referral). Believe it or not, you'll be surprised to discover what role you also play in the drinking game, and how you can stop enabling the problem. He's in what we in the ex-drinking rooms call Denial. He will rationalize any point made so that he comes out on top. It's classic behavior.
Again, call AA or Al-anon, they have local folks on call for you to talk with right now!

Answer 9

Make sure you are setting a good example and make good decisions for yourself without doing it to spite him. If his demise drags you down, then between the two of you, nobody is strong. Perhaps his work is so miserable and unfulfilling that he truly is miserable, in which case you can't "fix him", but perhaps encourage him to pursue of different path in life (i.e. career) that is not a cause of stress or misery to him.

You might ask him if he loves you, then ask him again. If he does, he should be smart enough to realize that he will lose you if he falls off completely. That is of course, you aren't the type who will live with an alcoholic.

Answer 10

You can not get somebody drunk or get them sober. I think he is still trying to find his vice of choice. Try Ala-non and get some coping skills to deal with what may come. He does not seem to be drinking too far over the norm, but he is on his way. Good luck and you are in my prayers. Go to the next meeting....it will help without a doubt.

Answer 11

thats really not a lot of alcohol a week. from your question i would strongly recommend you try destressing yourself and then worry about him! Maybe find things you can do together. Like have green tea time or something when you two can spend some quality time and love each other instead of yell at each other for each others problems.