My last 2 long term relationships were emotionally abusive. There was cheating, blaming me for everything and so on. I haven't been in another reltationship for 3 years. I am so afraid of being trapped in that again that I subconciously screw up the 2 dates I let myself go on since. I realized afterward what I did, but there's no point in trying to fix it now. (Nothing weird, just really awkward, not talking much, being nervous and obviously uncomfortable) I haven't even hooked up with a guy in the last 3 years so I'm out of practice with kissing and crap like that.
The last guy I dated was the worst, and he just told me a few weeks ago that he's still in love with me, which made me even more scared.
I know there are a few guys that like me (they told me) but none of them are doing anything about it and I'm not sure why. That's not my main concern, as I'm still afraid that I'm going to mess up every opportunity I have to be with a nice guy if I ever actually find one.
2006-10-14 17:14:31 · 3 answers · asked by Artemiseos 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
A truly nice guy should be understanding about this. Next time you're on a date, if you feel yourself closing up again for fear of screwing up, make sure the guy knows that you haven't been in a relationship for a while, and if you have trouble being talkative, get him to be instead. Guys love to talk about themselves. Do your best to use what he says to keep the conversation flowing.
None of this will work, though, unless you are determined to face these fears that you have. They're perfectly understandable, under the circumstances, but if you let these fears stop you, they will. They're very reliable that way. But a little bit of courage goes a long way, and no advice that I or anyone else can give is going to change the fact that this cycle won't break until you find that little bit of courage. Just a little, to get your foot in the door.
We all screw up, and often. No exceptions, and anyone who says otherwise is lying or in serious denial. What differentiates those of us who are successful, whether it be in love or any other aspect of life, is how we respond to our screwups. Do we think we can do it right if given another shot and find the bit of courage that it takes to make that next attempt, or do we think it's too scary to do so? Which kind of person are you going to be?
2006-10-14 17:26:10 · answer #1 · answered by James L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pass on the guy who said he "loves you" does he really or is he just saying that.??..did you say I love you to him....If he is seriously in love with you...he would be calling you!?
As a guy if I am interested in you I would be calling you for a date. Ask yourself are you emotionaly available or just seeking attention? Keep trying there are nice guys out there...you might have to take a chance with one...and if you find one you like...dont be afraid to call him and tell him that...what have you got to lose? We all makes mistakes....Dont be so hard on yourself...!! If you arent ready to commit to one guy then dont..."date' them all until you find one that you like. Then you need to drop the others...and be fair to the one you pick.
Oh as far as opening up...you cant fall completely in love with someone unless you take the risk again..if your protecting your heart from hurt they will know it and anyone serious about you will pick up on that and see that youre not ready....
I am no Dr. Phil...just my thoughts...
2006-10-15 00:35:16 · answer #2 · answered by irishladsj1962 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just need to be yourself and trust your instincts. Just relax.
2006-10-15 00:19:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋