Miscellaneous Babblings.?

Question

I lack the reason why I'm so stupid when it comes to basic socialization. When I don't really have something in common with another person, I can usually talk about anything they have to throw at me, but I usually can't start a topic, or when the silence comes it's hard to start a new topic especially when my mind typically becomes a blank during uncomfortable silent moments. I need a way to somehow break through this barrier that for some reason makes myself feel small and timid in these uncomfortable silences. I've been called anti-social because of it when I most definitely am not, I just, am apparently socially retarded/can't think on my feet. Perhaps the problem is confidence, I don't have a clue. Any satisfactory advice would be beneficial, thanks.

Answer 1

Sure. When you go out first watch the news and store up some facts that have been happening. Think of a few things that YOU think about the subject. That way when there is a uncomfortable silence you can just start talking about current events. Thats something everyone has in common.

Answer 2

First, stop calling yourself stupid, that drains your self-esteem, which is probably what you are lacking.

Maybe you don't initiate conversations for a reason. When you were a child, did your parents tell you to be quiet often? Or when you were in school were you told to be quiet and embarrassed by a teacher?

If you have no problem talking once someone starts a conversation, then you certainly aren't unsociable. Many people feel uncomfortable in silent moments, it's because they don't realize they don't have to constantly talk. There is a saying, you are with a real friend when silence is just as welcome as conversation.

Maybe ahead of time, think about something you read in the paper or saw on TV you could talk about, use that to begin a conversation.

Answer 3

You know, I have the same problem a lot of times. In fact, I think most people do; that's how I explain small talk. Why on earth else would people spend so much time talking about the weather, of all things?

The best thing to do at these points is to ask the person a question about themselves. People love to talk about themselves. Throw out a compliment, if you've got one that is real (don't do fake ones- they'll notice). Ask where they bought their sweater. You said your daughter is in school? Where? Oh, I've always loved Chicago! You can also throw out random environmental observations. I can't believe how cold it got in the past couple of days! Have you ever been to that Italian restaurant over there? Of course, you can always start talking about something that you find interesting, too. Mention a great movie you just saw, a book you're utterly absorbed in, your new job. Really, a lot of small talk is just throwing whatever you can think out there and hoping it develops into something a bit more interesting. Just keep trying, avoid politics and religion, and you'll be fine.

Answer 4

My suggestion is to have a list of interesting topic that you know about, and when the quiet time comes start talking about something interesting to you. Do your research; you could absolutely blow someone out of the water by knowing so much about something they don't know much about. Make sure what you talk about is somewhat related to the conversation that just ended. otherwise, you could say "not to change the subject" but really do change it and get them to thinking about how much dumber they are than you think you are.