my daughter is 9 and in 4th grade. she has recently started talking about her boyfriend, another 4th grader. She wants me to take them to a movie on a "date." Help!!! how should we react, what is appropriate at this age?
2006-10-14 16:46:20 · 30 answers · asked by eve m 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
There is absolutely no reason for a child this young to be dating. I think she's waaaay too young for this. I would not allow my daughter to go on any kind of date at all at this age. At nine years old, she hasn't even been on this planet a full decade yet. She has more than enough time to enjoy dating. I'm one of those people that does not believe in following the trends "just b/c" they are trends. Too bad if "all the other kids are doing it". Those other kids are not yours, and she's not their daughter. You should explain to her that she's too young date, and it will not be allowed b/c that is something older teens do. She might get upset, but she'll get over it. I know it's hard to hurt their feelings, but they are CHILDREN; they don't know how the world works yet. It's our responsibility to guide and teach them. This is exactly why things are the way they are today. Parents are afraid to tell their children "no". Don't be afraid to set down rules and set limits. It's what you are expected to do as a parent. Your daughter may be upset, but you'll be teaching her not to be a 'follower'. She may be the "only one" who is not allowed to go on a date; but she'll learn from it.
And the person above is right; children know soooo much these days at this early age. Where do you think they learn it's acceptable? It's from being permitted to do these types of things. Sure, at nine it's just a "cute date", but by 11 or 12, they'll be going to "3rd base" or for a "homerun". There is no need to rush your child into adulthood. She should still be playing with Barbies and dolls; not out with a boyfriend.
2006-10-14 17:37:47 · answer #1 · answered by Marie K 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, i think it's good that your daughter wants you to go with them to the movies. But at that age, it's not a date. They jsut say it is because that's what all the "big kids" call it. It's pretty much a word that makes them think and feel older when they aren't. Just watch out for your daughter though. Relationships under grade 7 usually don't last long. Don't freak out too much though. It's fine. But if they get into the kissing and lovey doo things *MAYBE* then that's where you definetly need to come in and stop this. But don't tell ehr sha can't date until shes 16.
2006-10-15 09:19:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Under no circumstances should a 9 year old be allowed to have a boyfriend or go on a "date". You need to have very clear standards on this, and you need to let your daughter know that she is far too young for this kind of behavior. She may act upset, but deep down she will feel relieved to have some boundaries. You have to protect her, and her reputation. That may sound prudish, but once the rumors start going around, your daughter could have a label that follows her into junior high and high school. It might also be a good idea to have her father talk to her, and give her the boys' perspective. Good luck.
2006-10-15 04:25:59 · answer #3 · answered by Tiss 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow.......ur daughter is way to young to be dating or even thinking about boys but then again everything is changing but I still would not allow her to go to a dark movie theatre with this boy. If perhaps a bunch of the kids want to get together and hang out with an adult present, then that would be o.k. She has her whole life ahead of her to date. I would tell her to wait until she's about 13 or 14 before she talks to u about this again......lol. I am a mother of 3 girls so I know what ur going thru. Good luck and have a great day :)
2006-10-15 03:38:17 · answer #4 · answered by whozangel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
13
2006-10-16 04:00:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
9 years old and talking about a boyfriend?? NIP IT IN THE BUD NOW!!!!!!! depending on how mature she is she shouldnt start dating till 16 17....sit her down and talk to her about this boyfriend in the 4th grade stuff .....im 30 and have a 12 year old son and he's too young for a girlfriend..she should be going to sleepovers and palying with her little "girlfriends"...what does she know about having a boyfriend...i grew up with a girl that had a baby at 11 and her 2nd child at 13.... please put a stop 2 it
2006-10-15 07:13:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
that depends on what you think is appropriate. I don't see anything wrong with taking her and her "boy" friend out to the movies as long as it is supervised. People it isn't a date, it is going to the movies with a friend. Why is everyone making a big deal out of it. It is completely natural. And to mom, it i up to you to raise your daughter the way you see fit. Don't worry about what others think. Always keep the line of communication open with your daughter, if you start making her feel as if what she is feeling is wrong, she may stop telling you things and you definitely don't want that. Ask her what a "boyfriend" is. I bet she doesn't think of it the same some of the people answering this question.
2006-10-14 17:25:21 · answer #7 · answered by juicie813 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think if you put to much reaction in this for the negative she will rebell. I would just say you can be friends but no dating till you are at least 16 because she could get in big trouble if you know what i mean! If it is a boyfriend at school ignore it they can't do anything bad there do to supervision but never let them see eachother outside the classroom or you could run in to serious trouble. I have a boy and would do the same its just way to young. Tell her to go play with her dolls for alittle while longer.......
2006-10-15 14:31:00 · answer #8 · answered by lem604 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At nine its a movie and thats it, if you are worried you chaperone but remember how you handle this will affect your relationship long term. She is being honest and upfront with you and I would advise that its good to keep it that way. So tell her if you feel uncomfortable with her having a "boyfriend" but allow her to have a friend thats a boy at 9 she is just happy to be liked by a boy. If you remain open and approachable when the time comes for the next stage she will come talk to you. It isnt easy having your kids grow up but they are going to regardless and they are doing it younger and younger what you need to do is remain at part of the trust circle she has and not be seen as the enemy. Good Luck!
2006-10-14 17:00:59 · answer #9 · answered by Just Thinking 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well that is really for you to decide, I don't know your daughter.
A lot of people think that dating at this age is "harmless and cute". but this where alot of her morals will be learned and 4th grade boys these days are corrupted =\ You would be surprised the things they know and try. If you let in now, you won't be able to say no anymore because by saying okay now, that means its okay. And if it's okay now, it can't not be okay later. So.. you'll just have to decide what's best for your daughter based on her indivdually and stick with it no matter how much she doesn't like it.
2006-10-14 16:51:15 · answer #10 · answered by Kristen 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋