how do i get over him?

Question

We dated last summer for about 2 mths, i was introduced to his parents and daughter who is 5, the 2nd week we were dating and now after 2 mths he doesnt say it's over he just doesnt call for 3 weeks then calls me back and ask me to not be mad at him and we hang out for a month then he doesnt call, he says he is scared of his feelings for me, because of what his ex wife did to him.. Does he really care about me or is it a game he is trying to play with my heart? please help!

Answer 1

First, put yourself in the opposite position: If YOU didn’t want to be with someone, and let him or her know it, what would you expect the other person to do? Hopefully let go, and move on with dignity.


The biggest “cure all” every time you miss them, or are thinking about them with sadness, is to VIVIDLY remember the times they treated you like DIRT, and ask yourself: “Is THAT what I REALLY WANT?” When the answer is NO – then keep that in your mind. It will replace the old pattern of putting them on a pedestal when they treated you far less than the way you deserved. It will also help you to replace the pain with the truth of the situation.


Every time thoughts about them suddenly come into your mind, do the above, AND re-direct your focus on to something that is positive and life enhancing for YOU, or others that you love. You have the power to consciously re-direct your thoughts and FOCUS. Do that every time the blues start to creep in to your consciousness.


Really TRUST that everything DOES work out for the best in the long run, and if you can remember a time when you were sad about something, only to be grateful for the growth you’ve made, and how the situation worked out for your highest and best after all, this will help you realize that this situation is no different.


View the other person with compassion, rather than with bitterness. Realize that they did the best they were capable of, and if their best was not in your best interest, then it is a gift that they are out of your life!


Get deeply and passionately absorbed in your life purpose! THIS is the most powerful thing you can do! Why waste your energy, focus, and attention on a PAST situation, when you can really be making significant and positive difference in your life, as well as in the lives of others!


Every time you start to think about them, and begin to play your drama of the past in your mind, consciously CHOOSE to focus on the NOW, and all of the great things you can be doing. Focus on being and expressing your highest and best self. Remember that you don’t NEED them at all. YOU are the gift. They may be a gift as well, however, if they are out of your life, your life MUST carry on in the most vibrant, positive and life-renewing manner possible. This is ALL within your conscious choice and control.


Really thank them (in your mind) for every lesson you have learned, every new discovery you have made, and the difference they DID make in your life. Realize that THAT was their purpose for entering your life. So now you can release them with a lot of gratitude, loving compassion, dignity, and grace.


Someone that I personally know that is going through the throws of emotional agony in trying to let go of a relationship that just ended said: "We need to know WHY We SHOULD Let THEM GO TO BEGIN WITH!”

The Answer is so that YOU can be FREE FROM PAIN, and misery! So that you can attract someone into your life that will treat you incredibly well, and because you DESERVE to be happy in a real relationship!

Why should you hold out for crumbs from someone similar to a dog waiting on the doormat for a couple of crumbs of attention? Don’t you really deserve to have a fantastic relationship? YES! You do! Everyone does. If you are in pain the majority of the time, then you deserve to free yourself, so that you can live with inner peace, and grow with enough self-love to attract your true counterpart.

You can only attract according to what you believe you deserve, and I swear to you that you WILL attract someone that is far healthier for you once you really learn how to love and appreciate yourself.

Don’t you want to be treated in the best manner possible? So if you are in pain most of the time, that pain is saying: “Hey, get me out of this, because IT HURTS!” And the only way to remove yourself from the source of emotional agony in your life is to make a COMPLETE break.

It’s like keeping your hand halfway in boiling water! If you take your hand out completely, and heal it, then you will be free from pain.

If you choose to keep dipping your fingers into boiling water, this is the same as continuing to return to a painful relationship. One is physical pain, and the other is emotional.

There is no judgment at all. So please do NOT judge yourself for allowing yourself to be treated far less than you deserve. The only thing that matters is what you do from THIS moment forward. Love yourself – a LOT!


The only one you will EVER need is YOU. The only one that will NEVER leave you is YOU. So place ALL of your energy on being and expressing all you came into this life for. It is NOT about them – it is all about you and your growth. That is the most important thing. Now you have learned more, and realized more. You have evolved more as a result of all you have been through. As you come to fully awaken to all of your grand possibilities, you really won’t have the time, or the care to focus your attention on a past situation. It is like focusing on anything else that is in the past. NOW is your time to re-claim yourself, and shine as the beacon that you are. You will feel so much better once you take all of the above steps – as long as you really apply them.

Hope dis will help u............

Answer 2

I feel for you and I would like to recommend the book "He's just not that into you". My mom suggested I read it and it really was a good book. Anyway, the point isn't is he really afraid of his feelings or is he playing you. Regardless of why he is doing this to you (even though I know you really WANT to know), the point is that he IS DOING THIS TO YOU and you probably want more than this and I'm sure you deserve more than this. I tell you this from experience.

My guess on the why part is that he is probably not really ready for a relationship and isnt 100% sure about you but doesn't want to quite let go of you yet.

Good luck I hope you find somebody to love who will LOVE you back!

Answer 3

Any man that I have had this trouble with has turned out to be a Gemini - which essentially means they are almost always of 2 minds and can often seem like 2 different people.

This is a part of his personality and you will have to live with it if you are in a long term relationship. The question is, can you live with it? Are you the kind of person who can live her life and be happy for whatever love comes her way and not fall into negative emotions over it?

I am not - it feels like head games though it is likely not done to hurt you. It doesn't hurt to try and talk to him about it, but you are going to have to decide for yourself if he is worth waiting for or worth the effort to help him overcome his old hurts.

Peace!

Answer 4

Sounds like he keeps you around as the "sure thing" and the time he is absent from you, he is either playing single, or w/ someone else. And the only thing he CAN say to you, that will keep you around, is for him to say something about his "feelings' for you. Men aren't stupid, they are great manipulators. And they know that if they find a women's weak spot (usually her emotions) he will play on that. Don't play so desperate! If you truly want him, you have to tell him what you expect of him, and if he doesn't conform, don't be there for him to use whenever he wants! Have some dignity about yourself! Try and forget about him.....get out there and start dating others. And if it is meant to be, then it will be. But don't put your life "on hold" for some man who doesn't put you as a first priority!! That is sad.

Answer 5

He is undecided and not stable. He is playing games without realising it. That is not good for you. You need a man who obviously is sure of himself and is able to handle the present despite what happened back then. Just because his ex stuffed him up doesn't mean you have to pay for it now...

Answer 6

i can't say he's playing but hun u need to recognize that ur wayy to important n desrve better treatment i mean r u happy with the way things are?.... that should give u the answer i mean tell him it's over n then take a night out with the gurls or somin get out there have fun discover new things and new ppl :)

Answer 7

If he really cared about you, he wouldn't let that much time go by without calling. Try ditching him for that long and he can see what it feels like.

Answer 8

It may be what he says,,,that he is trying to get over what his ex did to him.. I'd give him a little more time but if he doesn't come around pretty soon I'd have to go looking elsewhere.

Answer 9

he is just playing games with u

Answer 10

Is there sex involved? Maybe he is using you for booty calls. Maybe he is seeing other girls too. You need to find out why.