I can't take care of it, and my boyfriend has suggested an abortion. What should I do? We thought about adoption, but I wouldn't be able to see him, because we don't want his family to know. It would be nine months before i could.
2006-10-14 13:22:29 · 36 answers · asked by ? 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
You never should have let this happen in the first place, if your not able to take care of a baby, it's not fair to the poor baby. With all the birth control out there, there wasn't something you could have used. Maybe an abortion would be the best thing and get yourself on som sort of birth control because you can't run for an abortion every time you get pregnant.
2006-10-14 13:26:45 · answer #1 · answered by lisa b 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
First off, good for you for recognizing that you can't take care of a baby right now. That's a very mature decision. Now, a lot of people are saying you should've done this or that (and they don't even know if you didn't), but the fact of the matter is, the past is past. You now have a very emotional decision to make. Whatever you choose, be sure it's what you want and not what you think other people want of you.
If you decide to get an abortion, don't go to a "crisis pregnancy center"; they will try to talk you out of your decision, and possibly even pretend to offer you the procedure, but keep delaying until you are well into the second trimester. Abortions usually cost between $300 and $500, but you may be able to get it for less based on your income. If you are less than eight weeks along, you may get a chemical abortion that induces miscarriage without a doctor manually scraping fetal material from your uterus.
If you decide to put it up for adoption, you have several options. You may opt for an "open adoption" where you get to visit your baby's adoptive family and be somewhat of an influence on the child's life, the more traditional route, and some services even offer options in between the two extremes. Unfortunately, if you or the father are not white, it may be harder (though not impossible) to ensure a home for the baby before it is born.
In my sources, I would like to give you some resources for abortion, because I don't know much about adoption, and I'm sure there are several people in this thread who know more about it than I do.
2006-10-15 13:55:29 · answer #2 · answered by brie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am adopted. I have never met my bio-parents. Even though I do not know them, I still love them, because they chose to carry me to term in a time period when there was much more stigma about being unmarried and pregnant.
That being said, I have also had an abortion. I do not regret it, and I am not ashamed of it. I was barely 18, and had no way to properly care for a baby, pre-birth much less post-birth.
My advice? Take the boyfriend out of the equation. What do -you- need to do? Boys are a dime-a-dozen. He may be here tomorrow, he may not. Even if you love each other and are devoted to each other, he could be hit by a bus tomorrow. If he were not there anymore what would your decision be? You obviously still can't care for the baby, that wouldn't change. but what from there?
As to the nine-months not seeing thing, unless you're painfully thin, you probably wouldn't start showing for several months anyway. It's not a full nine-months that you've obviously pregnant.
2006-10-15 08:15:14 · answer #3 · answered by Shadow395 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pay no mind to the people throwing out judgment (you should have used a condom/birth control!), misinformation (like the silent scream), hysterical emotion pleas (abortion kills babies!), or guilt trips in to doing what is not best for you (like raising the child yourself, even if you do not have the resources).
It is easy to throw around judgments and dictate how someone should handle this situation when one just sits behind a computer screen and doesn't have to personally face the consequences of their advice.
You need to decide what is best for yourself. It won't do any good to dwell on what cannot be changed, like asking yourself, "Should we have used (more) birth control?"
You need to make a decision soon about what you're going to do, and you need to think long and hard. Only you can decide what is best for yourself in this situation.
You can choose adoption, abortion, or keeping the child. If you keep the child, your boyfriend's family will need to know, and your boyfriend will need to take some responsibilities for the child. Understand that a child is a lot of time and money. Don't let people guilt you in to taking that route if that isn't right for you right now.
If you choose not to keep the child, there is either adoption or abortion. Both can be traumatizing (or liberating, depending on the person). Don't listen to the people who are saying that abortion is something that you would regret forever; look at the website ImNotSorry.net, and you will see that they are wrong. As for adoption, if you give birth to anything but a healthy white baby, their chances of actually being adopted are rather narrow, but it is a still a good option if you are uncomfortable with having an abortion and are unable to keep the child.
I'm not advocating any of the options; you need to think through all your options carefully (and quickly) and decide what is best for yourself; hopefully, you have family and friends who can help you through this difficult time. Good luck with whatever you decide.
2006-10-15 04:51:11 · answer #4 · answered by unbekannte_benutzerin 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well in a situation like this you have to consider what is right for you. Forget about the fetus for a moment and go ahead and think about how this will impact your life (any prolifers who find that statement selfish can bite me, believe it or not she's a woman who is actually alive at a moment and shouldn't have to be forced to do something that isn't right for her).
Can you handle carrying the pregnancy to term? Besides not being able to see him, your own family would know, is this acceptible in your situation?
There is a such thing as open adoption you can look into if you want to be able to see the baby after giving it up.
Abortion is an option, and if you are leaning that way I'd get your mind set rather quickly, I know that at my Planned Parenthood they can't abort after 12 weeks, so quick is best. I'd call Planned Parenthood and tell them you're pregnant but don't know what to do yet, and ask if you can talk to sombody. They'll likely set you up an apointment and help you work out your options. Look at ALL of your options. (Not every woman who has an abortion feels bad about it either, don't let those that do scare you into believeing you must feel guilty Check out this>>> http://www.imnotsorry.net/ )
And Honey, you're not in the wrong. Human beings are sexual creatures and **** happens. You will make it through this, and by considering all of your options you show more brains and maturity then alot of the people answering your question. This shouldn't be about politics but about what's right for YOU.
Good luck, and you can contact me if you need any more help.
2006-10-15 10:22:09 · answer #5 · answered by n_j132003 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey, adoption isn't bad, a couple who couldn't have kids would love to adopt your baby and if you did it that way you can have it written into the contract that you have visitation rights to the baby or be able to get photos and updates on how he or she is growing from the new folks. That way, you will be able to see him and yet not be in his or her life. My sister did that with her daughter and she gets calls from her every week and she loves the time on the phone with her daughter, but her daughter was older when she put her up for adoption and her new parents didn't want to keep her out of the life of their new daughter so they were able to keep her up to date on her daughter. But if you go the way your boyfriend is pointing towards, is another idea, there isn't much pain in abortion, mild cramping and yes, I know how it is because I had one and I don't regret it at all because like you I wasn't ready and didn't have a place to take care of the baby. Aborting the pregnancy might be for the best for you. If you are planning to go to college, being pregnant will hinder you more than you know. You should go and have the abortion if you chose a career over having a baby at the moment and by what you said you cannot take care of the baby. The best idea is get an abortion and next time you have sex, make sure that you are on birth control pills and have him wear a condom.
2006-10-15 03:54:56 · answer #6 · answered by Kaladan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know im just a person on Answers Yahoo and what do i know .Well look i had an abortion and my life has never been the same.Your bf is scared and i understand but also understand that you need to make your mind before you get to the clinic.The doctors are not there to help you and are there jsut to abort and take your money .I suggest talking to your mom /parent/adult.Trust me and just trust your self.Before you decide to get an abortion go to a ob/gyn and see the ultrasound and look at your baby.Carry your bf and let him see.Understand that there is no coming back afterwards and even if your bf stays or leaves its your body and YOU LIVE WITH THE GUILT not them ! Be careful not having the baby and having an abortion can actually be more devasting than you think.I wish i had someone to tell me "everything would be okay "and im telling you .Friends and family will help you no matter what they say.Trust me .You will regret it no matter how easy the option seems to be right now ! Pregnancy is beautiful > EnjoY
2006-10-14 14:25:40 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Noo, don't get an abortion dear! That kills little babies!
Adoption is a great idea... poo on his family. You and your boyfriend were responsible enough to have sex, and you made a child, so you and your boyfriend could do the RESPONSIBLE thing and carry the baby to term and make a child-less couple VERY happy, it would be a great gift to them.
Think about it this way: If you abort the baby, you kill it and you will never see it again. You will feel horrible about killing a baby human being.
If you give birth to the baby, you gave him a chance at life, and since you and your boyfriend can't take care of the baby, and you give the baby up for adoption to two loving parents, and you give that child an ever better chance at life. One day that child will realize that you and your boyfriend CARED enough for the baby's well being that you gave him up to have a better life.
The choice is your sweetie. It's a tough decision. If anybody gives you any crap about "you shouldn't have had sex" blah blah, yeah, well, that was your "mistake" and you are learning from it, and you are willing to accept the responsibility of carrying to full term and giving the child a better life. If that's what you want to do. Good luck to you hon!
2006-10-14 13:48:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Hey,
Please don't have an abortion...B/c when you do have a baby, you will regret aborting your first one, and you will have to live the rest of your life by being haunted with the mistake you did....What if your baby makes it through the abortion if you did have it, it wouldn't be normal, what would you do with he/she then? Just give the baby up for adoption if you don't want it, b/c alot of people wants a baby and can't have one...Just think, if you choose abortion, you will be killing an innoncent little baby that is helpless...Please don't choose ABORTION, please give it out for adoption, the baby will be able to live it's life....I mean, I miscarried my first, and with my second, her dad don't know about her and he isn't in her life, but I went ahead and kept her because she was MY baby, I was single, no money, no job, nothing, but abortion was out of the picture....I still made do...As far as you not seeing your b/f for nine months, it would be worth it...If you gave the baby up for adoption, you be making a family very happy....At least you will know you gave life to your baby...My uncle's wife can't have kids and she wants one bad...Any questions just email me at: afinechic_2000@yahoo.com
2006-10-14 13:51:53 · answer #9 · answered by afinechic_2000 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would do some deep (yet quick) thinking about this one. You say that you can't take care of it. So your options are both adoption or abortion, which either option can bring pain onto yourself. It is a choice that YOU have to make and what you think is right. Seeking counseling from Planned Parenthood is a good idea. Avoid seeking help from organizations that mask as "pregnancy crisis centers", because some will give misinformation about abortion or coerce into choosing adoption.
For your sanity, don't listen to strangers saying that "you shouldn't have sex in the first place" or "you would've worn a condom". Birth control can fail and we don't live in a fairy tale world where everyone practices abstinence.
I wish you the best of luck.
2006-10-14 13:45:57 · answer #10 · answered by seh2656 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋