Dolly the dolphin was very excited. She couldn’t sleep a wink. How could she when her birthday was going to be tomorrow?
Dolly wondered what presents she would get for her birthday. Would she get the new pearl necklace she wanted really badly? Or would she get a hula-hoop?
How big would her cake be? Would all of her friends be there? Thinking and thinking, Dolly slowly fell asleep, unaware of the surprises ahead of her.
The next morning Dolly awoke to her mother’s call and the smell of her father’s kelp waffles. She went to the large shell table and saw her brother Jimmy sitting quietly for a change.
Jimmy had a mischievous smile on his face, and her mother and father weren’t saying anything. For a minute, Dolly thought she had gone mad. Her parents always said good morning to her, especially on her birthday.
As Dolly left for school, she noticed that everybody was swimming very fast and didn’t speak to her at all. Had they all forgotten it was her birthday?
2006-10-14 13:04:16 · 6 answers · asked by pavan_says_ello 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Other - Education
“Good morning, Mr. Wilson,” she said. When he didn’t respond, Dolly got suspicious.
When she got to school, Dolly went to her friends. For some reason, though, they didn’t talk at all. They just smiled and giggled all day long, as if they were keeping a big secret.
After school was over, Dolly swam home awkwardly. There was nobody swimming with her like usual. Dolly felt sad. What did she do wrong? How come nobody said ‘Happy Birthday’ to her? Finally, she got home.
Once she got into the house, she realized that nobody was home. “Mother?” She searched for her mother frantically. Scared, she made her way through the family room and into the kitchen. But when she turned on the lights she heard……
“SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!” All of Dolly’s friends and family were there, with their fins in the air, singing “Happy Birthday” to her! Dolly was very happy that nobody had forgotten her birthday. They had just tried to keep the surprise party a secret!
She got exactly what she
2006-10-14 13:05:42 · update #1
wanted: a hula-hoop and a kelp cake bigger than her brother. All of her friends gave her presents too, and they played games until they were too tired to move.
When all of the games had been played and the day was done, everybody left one by one and said goodbye. After all of her friends left, Dolly’s mother was about to tuck Dolly into bed when she said, “Oh, I almost forgot. There’s just one more surprise.”
Dolly wondered what the surprise could be. When she returned, Dolly’s mother had a small purple box in her fins.
Dolly opened the box and saw a shiny, beautiful, perfectly new, pearl necklace! “Happy birthday Dolly,” said her mother, smiling.
Dolly rested her head in excitement. She couldn’t wait to show her new things off to her friends at school the next day. Why, she could hardly sleep a wink.
2006-10-14 13:06:10 · update #2
The story is very good and appropriate for kids.
Work on your ending as it kinda hangs in the air.
Good luck and that is a good thing you are doing.
2006-10-14 13:14:30 · answer #1 · answered by cheeky chic 379 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is a good story, but needs some editing. Unnecessary words. Ex. How could she when her birthday was tomorrow?
Would she get the new pearl necklace?...unaware of the surprises ahead. The next morning Dolly woke... She sat at the large shell table watching her brother Jimmy......Her mother and father......For a moment, Dolly......she noticed that everyone swam quickly and didn't speak.....
2006-10-14 13:38:37 · answer #2 · answered by honiebyrd 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a really cute story. It has a good ending like kid's books should. I really like how you used a dolphin as the main character. Kids like to think of underwater creatures having lives like us (actually I do too). Use it, its perfect! And I really like how you used the line about how she couldn't sleep a wink at the beginning and end. I really liked it.
2006-10-14 13:10:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep up the good work. I loved the story. I can just picture the illustrations that will accompany the story. Good Luck to you.
2006-10-14 13:15:03 · answer #4 · answered by Mittys Momma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tis a nice story for kids, my only suggestion is to include a moral of some sort(no idea how though!). it has got good family relations!
2006-10-14 13:35:22 · answer #5 · answered by drdreallday 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really like it...good luck!
2006-10-14 13:13:12 · answer #6 · answered by alicia likes huckleberries 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋