Someone help please!!!!!!?

Question

I'm 18 years old. and my parents just told me today that they adopted me when I was a baby. I asked them before if I was. I kinda knew cause I don't look like anybody in my family. My sisters are dark skin and i'm light....Anyways..I still love this family. Before they told me...when my mom hugged me i felt something...but after i don't feel anything...Is that normal? I love her to death. My feelings hasn't changed. But what really got me mad was is that I asked them if I was and they said no. I know its hard but they could have told me then so i wouldn't take it so hard now. Has anyone else been through this? Some help please. I don't know how to deal with this!!

Answer 1

I am sure there are a whole lot of feelings that you haven't felt before going through your head right now. Let yourself have the time you need to process the information given to you.Then go and talk with them on why they kept it from you and let them know what it has done. Tell them you still love them but are deeply hurt by them choosing not to tell you when you asked. Do what you feel is right inside.

Answer 2

i can imagine everything going through your mind right now. I have been through a similar situation. i know honesty means alot but i also know there is a right time and place for everything. Your parents may have always planned to wait till you were 18 so you would be mature enoough to handle it and then it wouldnt affect your education and or child hood. Whatever the case is, I am sure they only wanted what would be best for your happiness. they didn't want you to spend the valuable young years of your life in search of another family and with the heartbreak that would come with it. i would say just tell your family that you love them and try to understand why they waited so long. They are probably very scared and hurt also. You need to work through this together. it may make your bond even stronger than it was while they were raising you to be the wonderful young lady that i am sure you are. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 3

I'm sure that you may be feeling a little betrayal right now. But unfortunately, the job of parenting doesn't come with a direct instruction manual. I'm sure at the time you asked that they didn't know how to tell you and may have felt that doing so at the time would have been detrimental to you and/or the family situation.

I'm sure that I don't need to tell you that being a mom or dad isn't about giving birth or providing the sperm. It's about the day to day caring and loving. Remember that they chose to open their hearts to you when they didn't have to. Unlike your brothers and sisters who they "just had", they picked you out to love.

Please for your sake and theirs know that they have been doing their best by you. I'm sure given time you'll get over the hurt of "the lie" and come to know that their love is still the same. It's only natural that you will need a little time to adjust to the "news."

How blessed you are that you have a family to love and care for you. Many children are not so fortunate.

Answer 4

Teenagers and kids have enough to deal with. Sometimes parents think they are doing the right thing by not telling their kids the truth. They are afraid of the complications. Sometimes they want nothing to do with their exes, and think they are doing everyone a favor by pretending it will go away. It is really easy to think its easier to deal with when your child is "mature". Unfortunately, it backfires, because you wonder what other surprises they are holding from you.

Take some time to try to clear your head out. Betrayal, anger, disbelief, and so many other strong emotions can cloud your thinking. Remember that your parents chose to bring you into their family. They love you and want the best for you. A peer counselor from school, or another adult you trust who is not directly involved might be able to be a sounding board to allow you to vent.

Its not easy, but try to understand where they are coming from. They may have been afraid of losing you. Or may not have known how to deal with the questions they are facing now.

Good luck.

Answer 5

What a special person you are to have been chosen to be one of their children and part of their family. Of course you are going to have mixed feelings having just found out that you were adopted but just remember how special you are. I understand that you are angry that they haven't told you before, especially since you asked them, but parents struggle with telling their children things that may hurt or upset them.

You will now have a lot of questions surrounding your birth parents and your adoption so just ask them. Don't expect your parents to be able to answer all of your questions immediately as it is hard for them. They will probably think that you will want to find your birth parents and you probably will but tell them how much you love them and that you need to know as much as you can to understand and come to terms with the adoption situation.

I was raised by parents who were not my biological parents but unlike you I have always known. That was the choice my parents made at that time. Like you I was different from my siblings but I was special because I was chosen.

I did eventually find my birth family but this was many, many years later when I was able to do so without causing pain to my parents.

Try and let go of the anger and remember you are SPECIAL because you were chosen. Also remember your parents are hurting as well as they probably have struggled for a long time over telling you.

Answer 6

Sigh . . . I have been there, but the way I was told was not as nice. Within a few days after my mother died, my sisters (really my half sisters) happened to mention it to me with malice intended. They were blunt, to the point, and suggested that I hunt down one of my cousins to confirm that his father was my father. So instead of grieving together, they went out of their way to tell me what I had always suspected ("Oh, by the way -- XXXXX (my stepfather) does not want you around anymore since you are not really part of his family like we are.") It took everything I had not to "help" them out.

My mother had a little bit of money and they got it. I have not seen them since and I do not want any part of them or their families. My youngest half-sister looks older than I do (I'm the oldest) and told everyone she was the oldest so they would not question her about everything. That was about four years ago.

Believe me, it is better that you are told now . . . I would have liked to be told earlier, but in my ex-family, all the pieces of the puzzle fell in place -- why certain things happened the way they did and so on and so forth.

My stepfather once asked me if I would go to bed with a friend of his who wanted me to do so . . . He told me there was alot of money in it for me!?!! That was a long time ago, but he continued to make other comments and I will not even go into my preschool days with this person . . .

So it could be worse. Give yourself time to process the information. It is better to know the truth than make decisions based on a lie.

Answer 7

They approached it wrong, but were they still a great mommy and daddy? We all make mistakes, but one mistake I am sure they know they didn't make was adopting you. They were scared that maybe you would think different about them if they told you. Go give them a huge hug and tell them thank you for being such wonderful parents. I am sure they feel quite guilty now and would be oh-so-happy to know your still on there side.

PS - Remember, never think they are not your mom and dad. Anyone can make a child, but only parents can raise them.

Good luck

Answer 8

Sounds like your adoptive parents truly love you. They might have not wanted to tell you until you were older. Sounds like they would do anything for you. If your looking for more answers, talk to them in regards to how your adoption went about and if your curious about meeting your biological parents. You could even ask them why they waited to tell you. The more you know, the better you'll feel.

Answer 9

I havent exactly been in the same situation but similar. My mom told me that my father wasn't really my real dad when I turned 18. My father knew also. After they told me I was completly shocked. I felt so different around him after that. He felt like a stranger to me. I told him he wasn't my real father and I didn't want him around. Later on I thought to myself, he didn't tell me because he wanted me to live a normal childhood. He didn't want me to experience what it was like to be raised by a step parent. I realized that he was my father. He was there for me when I needed him most. He fed me, gave me clothes, money, and a roof over my head. My real father was the one who was the stranger to me. I feel you should ask your parents questions about your real parents and ask them why they didn't tell you earlier. Talk about it because if you leave it closed in it will explode into something you will regret.

Answer 10

my heart goes to you. but you have to know that the love you and they wanted to be your parent.they had the choice and the choose to adopt you. they were not ready that's why they probably lie to you in the beginning. be strong , i am sure you will get through this.
good luck