dating for a 45 yr old?

Question

I divorced in feb and have not gone out w/anyone because of all the hurt i felt. It is better now, but my counselor has advised me to start socializing since i avoid that. I am 45 and too old to have a "boyfriend", still too soon for anything serious anyway. How do i begin socializing when it scares me stiff? I tend to shy away from crowds etc, i like being at home doing "home" stuff, i am never bored. How can i trust men again after what my ex pulled on me (cheated and married a 43 yr old woman he just met after the divorce)? I am secure enough to be alone but those near and dear to me say it's not good for me.

Answer 1

If you are comfortable and happy with your life as it is, don't worry about getting into the dating scene. Just don't become a recluse. You don't have to actively look for a man, just put yourself in situations where it would be possible to meet one, if you found yourself interested: Church singles group, adult education classes, volunteering at a hospital, library, etc., attend concerts, art show, theatre productions (amateur or professional - you don't have to spend big bucks, school or community shows will do just fine!), join a bowling league or take exercise classes at the "Y" or a gym, if you have a dog take it to the park and watch for other dog walkers, go to events at a local bookstore (author lectures, poetry readings, book review groups, etc.), check your local library for classes, lectures, special events (free!!), join a local charity and help with fund-raising events, etc.

As for the trust issue ... if and when you get interested in men again, forget looking for guys who are rich and powerful, or popular, or hot-looking and oozing sex appeal. Look for a guy who is patient and kind ... watch how they treat the other women (mother, sisters, daughters, employees, etc.) in their lives, and the children and the seniors they come in contact with.

Don't feel like you have to rush into anything! Take your time easing into the dating scene, and insist on taking the time to get to know a guy as a friend before you jump into an intimate relationship with him! The ones worth having will be glad to give you the time ... if they get pushy, dump 'em. This time around, you want someone who respects you and honors your feelings and wishes! Right?!!

Good luck.

Answer 2

There's NOTHING wrong with being alone. You're in a time of adjustment. It's just that your friends are 'used' to always seeing you with someone. I think that they're more uncomfortable than you are. Don't worry about their clucking about like a mother hen. After I divorced, I lived alone and was single for over 5 years. It was the most peace & quiet I ever had.
You'll know when your ready to get back into the swing of things. Until then, relax. Take a hobby, travel, do things that YOU want to do.

Answer 3

Being comfortable with yourself is a good thing, it will probably help you jump into a relationship just for the sake of doing so. So don't discount that.

But hey, "love2read", why not go to your local library and join a book reading club? Or see if one of the more upscale bookstores in your town has the same thing. Or, better yet, start one yourself...it will give you a good project to dwell on that gets you out of the house. You already know you have a common interest with these people.

Answer 4

Not ALL men are the same and the chances of a repition with someone new are pretty slim! NOBODY could be that unlucky! If you are happy as you are, then thats what you should do! When YOU are ready you will get back out there,but don`t do something because OTHER people think you should! You are your own boss! and you do things when you are good and ready! I too am alone after a long line of bad luck with men, and I am taking time off and you know what? I do what I want when I want,and just do my own thing and its good!!! I get lonely at times but I watch whatever I want on t,v, eat when I``m hungry,just do what EVER I WANT! And hey! Is that a bad thing? NOT EVEN CLOSE!!! ha ha I think it would be hard to go back to sharing my life with someone now,as I LIKE being my OWN Boss and doing whatever I like,when I want! I can please myself about ANYTHING! and thats what I DO!!! So, enjoy your freedom and it does`nt MATTER what everyone ELSE thinks,it`s whatever YOU think!!! You are the centre of your World now and you can do whatever YOU like and YOU are what matters now! Its all about YOU and what YOU want! Don`t take any notice of what others say! Its YOUR life now and when YOU are ready to date again, thats when you should do it! You can please YOURSELF about ANYTHING!! You are FREE to do as YOU please!! I emphasised the YOU`S because your life is your OWN and NOBODY elses and you can do whatever you like and when you like!!!! Good Luck and follow your own heart! :)

Answer 5

My prompt ideas could be: She is desperate for a daddy discern. he is going through a mid existence disaster and desires confirmation that he remains perfect. She is hoping he will purchase her costly presents. He has a extreme case of arrested progression. She sees an possibility to have somebody else different than her father and mom to assist her. he's making an attempt to get regardless of an ex spouse or an ex female pal. He needs to piss off his 22 300 and sixty 5 days previous daughter. He needs to instruct his 25 300 and sixty 5 days previous son that he can get a youthful chick in mattress, whilst his son can no longer. She would not understand whilst she is interior the best of her existence, he would be waiting for retirement and to assemble social secure practices. He thinks he chanced on the fountain of youthful human beings. yet, on the tip of the day, in the event that they are in love and characteristic a healthy, balanced relationship, then so be it.

Answer 6

Hey girl, first of all, yes, the sound of a 45 yr old having a boyfriend sounds pretty silly at first. But I work with a few divorcees and they have boyfriends. If you're aren't comfortable just call them your partner or your guy. Listen here, you're scared of dating another man, you're going to be scared of dating tomorrow, a week from now, and even 3 years from now. It isn't going to change, you're going to have to jump over all of this and face life! Of course you don't have too....if you don't want, but I know you do or else you wouldn't have posted a question about it. :)

Answer 7

Kick in the TV screen. That way, you can invite the TV repairman over and "do some home stuff". Seriously, I wouldn't rush things. Give yourself some time to heal and take it slowly from there. By the way, you're never too old to have a boyfriend. When you start thinking like that, you're finished.

Answer 8

If your comfortable do it, if not then don't. Your counselor may not mean date when he says socialize, he may just mean get out and find fun things to do so that your not being a recluse. If you have an interest in something try going and taking a class in it. That way you can meet people who have the same interest that you do.

Answer 9

Screw what they say! If you're okay being alone, then there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. If you're happy with your life like it is, then nobody can tell you that something is missing. You don't need a man to validate you, and that is great. Only begin dating when YOU are ready.

Btw, ef f, who are you to tell her that spending her life alone is not an option? Maybe she likes it that way. Not everyone needs to be married or dating to find happiness. You just want to advertise your dumb dating website! Get a life!

Answer 10

Is not easy for sure. How you can't have any friends to go out, or just visit other family members - to see just other faces and different life and who knows...
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