Forgive You? The stuff we say that we don't mean when we are angry?

Question

You remember those words you regret ever saying when you were so angry with your spouse ie.
- I hate you
- don't love you anymore
- f***k off
- it's over, am through with this bull sh*t
- I have never needed you.
- good for nothing. *****
Question:
1- Do we actually mean these horrible things we say (like down in the sub-consious) even though we say sorry and tell eachother we never meant them?
2- Do you think there is room for real forgiveness and trust again after such horrible things have been said.
Who has been here? whats your experience?

Answer 1

you only hurt the ones you love .............most times things are said out of anger is to piss the other off and to hurt them to the core.......and yes thank God theses words are forgivable

Answer 2

I think the first thing to work on is getting control of your temper (I say "your" and "you" in a general sense in this answer) so that those words don't come out of your mouth during an argument. If you don't say it, you won't have to regret it. It is possible to get that under control, but it does require conscious effort - and it is worth the effort to never have to regret saying something cruel that you might not have meant.

I think sometimes anger makes people say things they don't really mean on a deeper level. In the heat of an argument people will sometimes say things just to get the 'cutting edge.' Only the person who says the thing knows whether it is true.

Now, as for the forgiveness side. It depends... how many times should you be forgiven? If it happens once, and you promise it won't happen again and keep that promise... then I think forgiveness and trust is possible. But if you promise, and then do it again and again and again... then, no. A wise person would walk away from someone who continually berated and abused them in an argument.

Me personally, I would give someone a second chance, but probably not a third. After growing up with rage-aholics, I've decided it's something I don't want to / have to put up with anymore.

Answer 3

Yeah, of course u mean them. At the time ur saying them, and have that anger. but after it's all gone, u don't mean it anymore, and can't believe u said such things to hurt that person so badly. That's why it's a regretted uttering. Sometimes if a blow up occurs, u've been wanting to say things for a while...but never do. So then when they're said, it doesn't sound like it should...another regret. But it's better said than not because atleast it's just words. Words are more harmful than violence in my opinion...the effects last longer...but for some reason, ppl can tolerate a vulgar word a lot more than a vulgar touch. Just because u mean things one minute doesn't mean u mean them forever.

Answer 4

I don't think we actually mean the things we say. I know when i get pissed off, i just pull things out of my a** because i am so heated at that moment and i have a really short temper. Of course, then i regret it later.

There could be room for real forgiveness and trust again, even though what they said may still hurt you.

Answer 5

I'm a very forgiving person ... and I think a lot of people are, but for one to forgive is one thing ... to forget is another.

Forgiving and forgetting are profoundly different. In fact, I think words hurt more than a physical blow ... in time, that injury will be gone ... but hurtful words are usually seared into your memory, and just when you think you've 'healed' from emotional abuse .... that 'wound' can be opened ... and be as fresh as the day it was inflicted.

I've said things in the heat of an argument ... things that I wish, with all my heart .... that I could take back. I think we all have.

IMO some of what we say usually does hold some truth, but, some things are better left un-said..........

Answer 6

I have more so been on the receiving end of this verbal abuse. Yes, I feel they mean those words at the time they are said, and unfortunately words cannot be taken back. It is supressed anger that is raging out of their mouth at the time these words are said. I forgave my ex for this the first few times it happened, but it kept happening and after awhile the "sorry's" got very stale and I didn't believe him anymore. Journal your anger and maybe this won't happen to you again. It's not nice to lose someone you love because you can't control your tongue, and words cannot be taken back, but yes there can be forgiveness and trust, but it will take time. Good luck.

Answer 7

Wow those are loaded questions. First let me say I believe in forgiveness. I have been married two times to the same man. He was very abusive in my first marriage, and he did ask for forgiveness, and he changed. He proved himself to me, and now we are together again. Did we mean all we said...you know I think yes. I mean I think we were angry, and at the time we did not care, but later...looking back...I think we both wish we hadn't said any of them. See breaking a bone or giving a bruise can heal, but what you say...you can never take back. So, we live scared, but we love each other to see the person we are each day, and accept one another for that...not our past. i hope this helps....

Answer 8

i havent said alot of those things or even heard them. but yes we all say things we don't mean. And I think at some point we really do feel the way we do when we speak out of anger. The que is to monitor those feelings and talk about things before everything gets out of hand. Its hard for men to talk to us. Women stop being so critical and men stop being so hard headed and just open up besides she is your best friend right? NEVER GO TO SLEEP ANGRY! YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT TOMORROW BRINGS. try to live every day to its fullest take time out just for each other!
good luck

Answer 9

1. ofcrs not no matter how bad things go. u can never mean such thins specially wit a family member

2. ofcource ya...iv never been der but i knw maany ppl whov been der.nd iv been forgived b4

FAMILY nd FRNDS r imp!