I was in a serious relationship for about three years, that ended in February when my ex accused me of cheating on her with a co-worker(which is false). However i spent majority of the next four months trying to work everything out with my ex, but it finally ended during the summer. During my rough times i would talk to the girl from work mainly because she was one of my closest friends and she to was going through a difficult situation. Since then we have become pretty close. Last week i went on my first date since my ex and i was talking to my co-worker about how i was nervous and she said that she was upset that i had never asked her out. Since then i havent been able to get this girl out of my head and i really want to ask her out but i havent because of several reasons 1 if i did ask her out i feel like i would be justifying my ex 2 i've always thought she was way out of my league and 3 i would hate to loose our close friendship. So i'm asking for just advice on the situation.
2006-10-14 11:38:53 · 14 answers · asked by krm3515 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
sounds like you have a lot of fear about this, and thats understandable. maybe the best thing to do in this situation is ask yourself what you really want here.
obviously you have feelings for this girl, and you have the trust and the communication that you want in your life. why wouldnt you give yourself the chance to see where it goes? the best way to approach it is to go forward with things and not have any expectations.
your ex is out of the picture. you dont owe her an explanation. her reaction to your actions and choices is exactly that --- HERS... you dont own it and you dont have to justify your choices to her.
Be happy. Take a risk. Talk to your friend and tell her that you have feelings for her, but regardless of what happens you want to keep her as a friend. If you are honest about your fears in this situation, you'll be able to walk through them together.
Fear-- False Evidence Appearing Real. or Face Everything And (be) Real. Your choice.
2006-10-14 11:49:18 · answer #1 · answered by maggiemae821 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As she is your co-worker you have a problem. The other reasons are not worth worrying over. From experience I know that relationships at work cause friction and jealousies.Whether you think this would be a problem or not realy does need some thought. Tell her you would like to see her but you are worried regarding the fact you both work together. See how it goes from there. Retain your friendship without getting into anything too serios and see how the work situation is. Take it very slowly.
2006-10-14 18:47:42 · answer #2 · answered by angeldust 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, a lady friend caught in the "friend" zone. Never thought I'd see the day.
If you're interested, then you don't owe anything to anyone. Your ex should continue to lose power in your life as you heal from that ended relationship.
Whether you ask this girl out or not, I think you should go ahead and be open about your confused feelings. But I think you should not tell her until you've committed to a course of action (asking or not asking), because if you bring it up before deciding what you're going to do, it's just going to make things wierder for you.
2006-10-14 18:44:08 · answer #3 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are going to ask the girl out, then it means that your ex was correct the whole time. And I don't think that thought will make you feel good. I think that thought will make you really uncomfortable. If you think the girl is way out of your league, then don't go for it. If you don't want to lose your close friendship, then don't ruin it by rushing yourselves into have a love relationship.
2006-10-14 18:45:42 · answer #4 · answered by ~Amor~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all ASK HER OUT! She obviously likes you and you are already friends those usually turn out to be the best relationships. It does not matter if dating her would justify your ex's suspicions because she is not part of your life now. However, I have to say your ex on some level must have seen your attraction to this girl. This is womens intuition. Bottom line do what makes you happy
2006-10-14 19:56:20 · answer #5 · answered by Cassidy S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your ex is an ex for a reason leave it that way and take her out of the equation. obviously she is not out of your league. No one can predict the future, if your friends now you will PROBABLY be friends no matter what the outcome. Take a chance what have you got to loose.
2006-10-14 18:47:45 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she likes you so she is obviously not out of your league. Its none of your ex's business what you do now so it wont be justifying anything. like you said you didnt cheat on her and you obviously werent able to convince her of that so you cant stay single just to prove to her that you were faithful. and you can still go out and be great friends. there are no guarentees, but then again there are no guarentees on friendships either. Go for it.
2006-10-14 18:43:59 · answer #7 · answered by sea_sher 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I was in your shoes, I would just maintain a platonic relationship with this coworker. Let her know that you don't want to complicate your friendship by going out on a date with her.
Just remember that you have made yourself vulnerable to her by sharing the secrets of your breakup with her. This is a weapon she could use against you if you enter a relationship with her. Stick to your guns and just be friends!!!
2006-10-14 18:44:57 · answer #8 · answered by Lady Mandeville 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dating people you work with has a pretty high failure rate.I Speak from experience. I think I would rather not date someone that is that close to me in fear of ruining a great freindship.
2006-10-14 18:43:04 · answer #9 · answered by Bella 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, who cares what your ex thinks, she's not a part of your life anymore. If you care about this 'friend' then ask her out and have fun.
2006-10-14 18:51:45 · answer #10 · answered by DiG iT 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋