When my fiance' came home from a regular Friday night of poker with his buddies this morning at 1am, he was higher than a freaking kite. He doesn't do drugs anymore, haven't since we've dated. It's been 10 months for our relationship. I haven't done any pot or anything in over 3 years. I knew that when he went to poker his buddies smoked and I didn't mind because he always told them "no". But obviously last night was the exception.
Thing is, I wouldn't have even known about him doing this if I had crashed at his place last night, waiting for him to come home. I had taken a shower, shaved, I was looking pretty cute and wanted to give/get some lovins. Not only didn't I get to do that, but I looked in his eyes when he first got home and they were just completely bloodshot. I asked, are you drunk? "no." High? "no." I said your eyes give you away. What are you? "Might be a little high". I calmy walked out of the room, grabbed my things and said "it's over." He yelled, I left. Am I right?
2006-10-14 09:19:15 · 22 answers · asked by Rachael 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
** I meant was I right to leave. I grew out of the pot smoking phase years ago. I thought he had grown up too. He's always so mature with everything else. I couldn't very well talk to him when he was high. Today he's gone to a tournament that he's in. He doesn't think I'm serious.
2006-10-14 09:28:55 · update #1
yes you were right to leave him ,if hhe has to get high and ,then lie about it to you , move on with your life honey find a man that don't do drugs i,m available
2006-10-14 09:37:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I think you are being a little harsh. Think about it, do you love him, have you had a good relationship up to this point. Does he treat you respectfully and make you happy. If you walked that quickly, maybe you were not feeling these things from him. If that is the case, then keep walking, however, if you do feel that he is a good partner and you think this relationship could go somewhere, then you acted too quickly. In a lasting, long term relationship, you go through times that you may not agree with eachother decisions, but you talk it out and work it out. Everyone makes mistakes, and if you want a solid trusting relationship, you help each other through some mistakes, forgive, and become stronger because of being tested with hard times. Life isn't easy, and you will be thrown all sorts of test throughout life, you have said he hasen't smoked up until now, why not talk to him, tell him how you were extremely disapointed because you were all ready, waiting for him, and were let down. Explain how you feel, listen to how he feels, and see if you can work through it. You can't give up when things get a little tough, thats how you become a stronger us.
2006-10-14 16:33:18 · answer #2 · answered by shrimpseys 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If getting stoned once in a while with the buddies is a total deal breaker for you in a relationship then it is best to walk away.
I think if you stay and try to give him ultimatums or manipulate him not to do it, it is only going to make your relationship crappy and put a stake in between you to.
It might have been just a once in a while thing. Can you live with that? You need to be calm with him either way though. He lied to you cause he knew you would freak, so stop freaking and he might be more open with you. Maybe it was just a once in a while thing and when you get married and have kids, something like that would be totally out of the question. Who knows? Just stay calm as best you can.
It does seem rash to just say it is over and that is that, without talking things out. Just be calm and make him feel comfortable to be honest, even if he says thing you dont want him to say. Better to know now than after marriage and a baby.
Good luck
2006-10-14 16:32:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you right about what? Whether or not you should walk out on a guy cause he smoked some pot and didn't want to tell you?
I guess it depends on whether or not it's a big deal to you. To lots of people it's not really a big deal, and they might suggest you've overreacted.
But, if it's a big deal to you, and you don't want to be with someone who smokes pot, and he occasionally smokes pot, and it's not okay with you, then, by all means, break up with him. You'll be unhappy, and he won't be able to quit. You can only quit when *you* want to quit, not when *someone else* wants you to.
2006-10-14 16:24:19 · answer #4 · answered by Answerer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're absolutely right. If he did smoke Pot, then he broke your trust. Without trust, you cannont have a relationship.
Now, for his sake, you can get a contact high from Pot. I did once, so that's how I know. I'm just merely suggesting that he might have gotten a strong contact high if they were in an inclosed room smoking.
2006-10-14 16:23:04 · answer #5 · answered by analystdevil 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aw.. I dont want you to regret anything but I think gettin' high isn't all that bad. I mean yes I know he promised you but you should learn to forgive but never forget ofcourse. Also next time never make decisions when your mad. You'll definately regret that. Alot of people get high like teens, when their parents hear they did do they kick them out ? No they just yell and you know the whole 10 yards. But you guys are in a relationship ! This is what it's all about trust..
2006-10-14 16:23:21 · answer #6 · answered by sweetk1ssz 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are right (75%). ...Because if you talked about these things before, and agreed upon it, and if he broke the rules, it's no good for your relationship. Integrity is a big part of people's relationships, and the deeper you go with a partner, the more both partners should realize that they need to becareful. Because once you reach marriage, and you find out that you can't stand each other, then it's going to be costly. That's why, it's integrity, integrity...
2006-10-14 16:28:03 · answer #7 · answered by Badman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're call of course, but I feel like you might have gone too far. He should not have lied, no doubt, but if he's ever lied to you before and you're still together, then why break up now? If he's never lied before, why does this, his first, end it? Either way, he screwed up. Just some food for thought.
2006-10-14 16:36:47 · answer #8 · answered by randyken 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, he gambles and he does drugs God knows since when. Not the best to hang around with. And usually, when people say "I'll change", they don't. If you keep staying stuck to him, why would he change? If you care for him, leave for a while. If he cares for you, he will give up drugs and try to get you back. If he doesn't, he's just not worth it.
2006-10-14 16:24:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
While I do not think you should compromise on your beliefs about doing drugs, I do think you should be at least a little understanding to your fiance. I am sure that he will chose you over pot...
2006-10-14 16:31:37 · answer #10 · answered by Thomas 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋