I have done a lot of stupid things when I was young (drink, smoke pot, sex before marriage). I am not proud of this, but it is the truth and I do regret it.
My daughter looks up to me and I wonder what I should tell her when she is a teenager? Do I tell her "I NEVER did that stuff and you shouldn't either"? (kind of like a role model approach) or should I be honest and say, "I made a lot of mistakes and I don't want you do do the same" I don't want to risk her using it against me later saying "well you did it when you were young so I will too!"
Anyone have a similar situation?
2006-10-14 08:59:07 · 27 answers · asked by Agent99 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I think it is crucial that teens hear that their parents have made mistakes too. Be honest. You don't have to go into details, but this may help them in making the right choices for themselves expecially when she looks up to you. You will not be able to stop your child from making mistakes, but hopefully she will be more apt to make the right desisions when it comes to drugs, drinking, and sex. Be open and honest when she asks about these things.
2006-10-14 09:17:02 · answer #1 · answered by hehmommy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Coming from a household that was open about these things really helped me make my choices. My Mom and dad both were teenagers in the 70ies. needless to say they did some stupid things! My mom was honest with me and told me every experience that she had good and really really bad! I made my choices form there. She and my dad stressed that the drugs now and the drugs then are WAY different! That is something that I completely understood. Now don't get me wrong, my parents aren't like that now and they weren't when I was growing up. They are respectable adults that made some poor choices when they were in high school. I myself chose to never do drugs, I don't smoke, I have only had sex with one man my entire life. Hell after a few party's in High school I don't even drink anymore. You should also know that I was pretty mature for my age. I had to take care of my 2 little sisters while my mom went back to school and my dad held down a full time job. She needs to be able to understand how it was different for you and how she doesn't need to make the same mistakes.
the judgment call is really yours but I wish you the best.
2006-10-14 09:11:10 · answer #2 · answered by lil_love1982 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm a mom of a 8.5 & 10.5 year old i'm 29 weeks pregnant I ONLY PRAY my kids make better choices then me. I statred drinking at 14, smoked crack by 17, had a cocaine addiction for years untill i started heroin. I've been to rehabs methadone clinics been broke down and out and screwed up. My kids have seen me in rehad they know what i've done "wish they did not. I've been clean 2.5 years now. I am pretty sure they won't have the you did it so i will to outlook they have seen where it leads they have personally have their lives tore apart by my mistakes. They don't know all the details of my addiction if when they ask i would tell them and i'ld tell them i nearly lost my arm from a infection. I'ld even take them to a clinic to see people with NO LIFE so they would know that's not the way to go. I would come between them and dope my any means nessary!. I will not allow drinking around them now, i never want them to think addictions are acceptable. My life was not just a little pot and drinking thou.
2006-10-14 09:22:51 · answer #3 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From personal experience. My mother told me that she smoked pot and had sex before marriage, and even got an abortion once. (Now, you have to understand....my mom is very religious, a huge leader in my church, and graduating from seminary this spring) I'm glad she told me all this b/c it helped me realize that she's human and everyone makes mistakes! But not matter how many bad things you've done, you can always overcome them and do or be whatever you want. And her telling me, didn't effect me in a bad way at all. If anything, it made me not want to do those things even more. And I NEVER used it against her! She's my role model, my best friend, and I admire her greatly! Hope this helps.
2006-10-14 09:12:32 · answer #4 · answered by Jessica 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think if your daughter comes to you and wants advice on sex or drugs, you should tell her the truth, BUT also tell her what the consequences were, and how much you regret it now. If you lie to her and maybe someone else tells her or she finds out later that you did lie to her that would make it worse. I wouldn't sit her down and say, 'this is what I did and you better not do it', I would wait until she comes to you with her problem, then explain to her how it affected you, then and now.
I'm not saying don't talk to her about sex or drugs, I'm saying don't tell her your experience up front.
2006-10-14 09:12:13 · answer #5 · answered by tnmomof2as 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its not really about you - You don't need to tell her how you were one way or the other unless she comes right out and asks you about it. Just let her know where you stand on the issues as it relates to her. If she asks you what you did, then tell the truth, but expect that she will turn it against you - it WILL sound hypocritical from her perspective. If you lie, it will just piss her off when she finds out the truth though, so work with what you've got, even if your truth isn't what you want it to be.
2006-10-14 12:53:53 · answer #6 · answered by Jordan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My step-daughters are 8 and 11. The 11 yr old asked me if i had ever used drugs and i told her yes.(not because she has been pressured-just curiosity). I told her it wasn't something i was proud of and it wasn't "fun" like people make it out to be. I don't think that telling lies is a good option. If she ever tries to use that against you, explain that just because you did it doesn't mean that it is okay. If you are a good mom and stay involved in her life (extracirricular activites etc.) and always make her feel that she can talk to you about things, maybe you will have better odds of raising a child who is less likely to do those sorts of things!?!
2006-10-14 09:06:24 · answer #7 · answered by erin 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Drugs are really serious and your parents should know. Your sister doesn't have to know that you told them. Just tell your Mom you definitely think something is going on and it may be drugs but you're not sure completely. Your sister needs help before it gets way out of control. Then you will blame yourself if something happened.
2016-05-22 01:55:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You tell her what you did and how stupid it was and how you feel about it today. This way you lead by example. My mom lied about when she lost her virginity- said she lost it when she was 17 after she had gotten married. Come to find out, when I was 14 and came to her to tell her I was pregnant- she also lost hers when she was 14 in a car under the influence of alcahol. If she had told me that I think I would have been more apt to ask her for help getting protection for having sex or that I wouldn't have done it at all because I was able to see that my mom regretted it so bad.
2006-10-14 09:16:58 · answer #9 · answered by momofthreemiracles 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dont tell her she can or cant do anything !
Tell her you was there and did that and it is something you are not proud of and wish you could go back.
But you trust her to do better than you did in life so her future kids will do even better and it will continue down the line. Tell her how she could improve the family by being the first one to do better, and you will treat her like an adult.
But dont forget teens will be teens and experiment.
2006-10-14 10:11:35 · answer #10 · answered by mellow_26241 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋