Is this a good poem? I need answers here!! And comments are nice;-)?

Question

I would like to know if this poem I wrote myself is any good. I am 13, so it might need work. Don't be afraid (if you are...not saying you aren't, but some are) to criticise it.

Old truths hold her dear;
Alas she shows her fear.
As she weeps such sorrow;
There is no telling what will happen tomorrow.

'Til the break of dawn she cries;
For there is no end to her demise.
She loves a love she cannot bear;
He breaks another heart to show her he can care.

Breaking away, so painful and slow;
Although she knows that soon they must go.
He touches her gently with the slightest touch;
For his love for her is so much.

They can't be together night or day;
Both knowing it has to be this way.
Tonight is the end of today;
So why must it all end in this painful way?


Someone once said that the greatest poets were the ones who had the worst lives, i.e. Edgar Allen Poe. If any of the poem confuses you, for example, "He breaks another heart...." means he was cheating on her.

Many things have happened to me..not that I would like to name...but I will be general. Loss of many loved ones, tears and blood shed, divorce, adulthood (mental) at too early of an age, drugs, alcohol, and suicide to a few that I know personally. My mom's bf was cheating on her, she saw it, and that verse that I had translated comes from it, and so do many more. I showed my language arts teacher, and she said it showed a lot of emotion.

I do hope my poetry does get better like you said, afrodyzyak. Doing poetry is my way 'out of this world', and my only escape of my pain. In other words, it keeps me out of the nuthouse :-)

Answer 1

my oh my!!!!! u never told me ur such a wonderful writer.. its an amazing piece of work.. too deep and too thoughtfull full of emotions.. loved it sweety.. take good care of urself.. ur frends are still here for u. :o)

Answer 2

Clearly not free verse, so the only improvement I can suggest would be the meter. For the first two verses, for example, the fourth line is significantly longer than the preceding three, and creates a slightly awkward meter. Think about the sylables in each line, and the way particular words are accented. If all of it is balanced, the poem should flow nicely. Speaking of Edgar Allan Poe, take a look at some of his work, of the ballance of sylables and which of them are accented. Look for where your voice lilts when you read them aloud. The Raven is beautifully balanced. Keep at it, and you'll be fine.

Answer 3

You are quite good for a 13 year old and the poem says a lot.

Today , we don't have to stick to form or rhyme, but it helps the reader to recall your verse. The key with poetry is that the reader may identify or interpret the poem personally or believe that he understands the poet and I can do that to your poem even though I do not know you.

Try not to expose your work without copyrighting it with the Library of Congress - you do not want your food to end up on someone else's plate.

Answer 4

Very good poem. A lot a feeling. Even thought it is a great poem, sorry to hear the emotions coming through.

Answer 5

I liked it. Did anything of the sort happen to you? I write poetry to, and I've found that most of them come from past experiences.

Answer 6

Good start, poetry like wine gets better with age.

Carpe Diem!

Answer 7

Very well written for a 13 yr. old! It actually has meaning that one can interpret. I didn't need your explanation...:) Pretty deep for someone your age, too.

Answer 8

I really like it. I can relate to it actually. Keep up the good work!

Answer 9

it's a start, i would think re-reading it a few times might make you change a few things, but i think it's a start.

Answer 10

not bad