I have just started a new relationship and I couldn't be happier. But I am also carrying a large load with me that I would like to get rid of.
A few years ago I got pretty sick and it has altered my appearance just enough to make me uncomfortable with my looks. So I have effectively covered up the problem. However, I feel that it's something that I need to tell the guy, for honesty's sake. I am being a little vague, but the actual conflict I feel is more important than what is wrong with me. I'm perfectly healthy now, by the way- it's just that my physical appearance got scarred.
Although he seems like a very caring and accepting individual, I don't know how he'll react. He may no longer be attracted to me, I fear. I don't know the appropriate time to bring it up or how, because it's very emotional for me. It's also something that I keep very private- my best friend doesn't even know.
How do you suggest I handle this situation without freaking him out?
2006-10-14 06:10:46 · 16 answers · asked by Karen W 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think it's best to be up front with it. He'll probably surprise you. When you really love someone, you love their soul, not their physical appearance. If it's a big deal to him, then he's not worth having... because it means he doesn't truly love you. You can probably look at this as a good thing... kind of like your own personal measuring stick of how much a guy really cares about you.
2006-10-14 06:27:45 · answer #1 · answered by deepwaters05 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I can kind of relate to this even though I don`t know what your EXACT problem is. I have a horrible physical affliction that is only visible when I am nude. I have had a very hard time coming out with it in the past and know from personal experience that if this guy truly cares about you at all, it won`t be as big a deal as you think it will. All you need to do is explain the severity of it to him and how much it affects you to tell anyone about it. Let him know that you are telling him because he means a lot to you and you want to share it with him. Make sure you are in a place in your life where you are comfortable sharing this info with anyone. If you really think he is worth telling, he will probably understand and accept it whole-heartedly. You shouldn`t be so worried and self concious. We always think the worst of ourselves and even the smallest thing seems monumental when judging ourselves. I`m sure he will be fine with it and have empathy and compassion for you. Just knowing that you chose him to share it with rather than ANYONE else, should make him feel good and important enough to overlook the actual affliction. People`s personality and emotional connection to eachother far outweigh any physical appearance issues. Good luck!
2006-10-14 06:14:43 · answer #2 · answered by Ex-Blondie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is hard to understand because you are being to vague about what happened to you, but you should just learn to be comfortable with it. If you are healthy and it's just an appearance thing it shouldn't be a big deal. My cousin was burned severely when he was 4 in a water heater incident. so he was basically burned from the chest down. He never wore shorts and usually long sleeve shirts so you would never know. He is actually engaged to be married and they are happy. Physical appearance shouldn't be a big thing. Don't set a stage to tell your guy about this. you will know when the time is right.
2006-10-14 06:16:52 · answer #3 · answered by Beeper 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Karen, I would do it pretty much the same way you did it here. I wouldn't think you will have to go into any graphic detail, just tell him.
Best to up front in the begining and let him decide.
Good Luck!
2006-10-14 06:19:38 · answer #4 · answered by tallerfella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not tell him until the time comes to be intimate. I don't mean seconds before, either. I mean when you feel that physical intimacy is in the very very near future, you should tell him. But if he knows you and cares about you, it may not matter as much as you think.
2006-10-14 06:14:26 · answer #5 · answered by Lesleann 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So if this person is caring and understanding-they don't change with the truth.
Truth and honesty is the first foundation of a good relationship.
Now is the time.
why be evasive?
2006-10-14 06:16:41 · answer #6 · answered by cork 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you don't do it at all until you are a bit of the way in your relationship when you are sure this is going somewhere unless you have the boldness to just come out with it straight away then you wouldn't be asking about it at all.
2006-10-14 06:14:22 · answer #7 · answered by sarell 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The only way to know is to tell him and see what his charater is truely like
2006-10-14 06:17:45 · answer #8 · answered by scotdic 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to be honest, and now! He may end up not trusting you if you don't put it on the table immediately.
2006-10-14 06:15:24 · answer #9 · answered by Pumpkin Head 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him some worse news first then he should be glad to hear it's just this.
2006-10-14 06:13:04 · answer #10 · answered by Saffernellie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋