Coping with the old rejection thing...?

Question

After telling my best friend I'm in love with him and getting (politely) turned down, we are still the closest of friends.

At first I was just glad that he wasn't completely freaked out and horrified. The fact that he wanted to remain close friends was more than I could ever have hoped for. It was a huge gamble, after all.

The problem is, as we continue to spend most of our time together, I'm finding it increasingly painful to cope with the fact that he doesn't return my feelings. I value his friendship so highly- but, the fact is, I am in love with him and it's hurting me a great deal to be around him and have the rejection reinforced on a daily basis.

So I have been trying to ration my time with him. But the problem is that hurts too. So, should I just continue to be a good friend to him and learn to cope with the pain?

Please understand that I've never had a boyfriend and have never opened up to anyone in the way I did with this guy. I'd never make myself that vulnerable. I have major issues with my appearance and never thought I could even fall in love. Being rejected has only confirmed to me all my fears of being ugly and undesirable. I'm worried this was my one chance of happiness and it's gone. What should I do?

How I wish I was still young enough to be considered to be "going through the growing up process". Sorry- it's been a long time since I was a teenager. And not a single offer from a single guy so far. Seriously, I know I'm not attractive but when you get to my age and are still waiting for your first kiss, you can't help but think something's wrong with you. I try so hard to do my best for people, I make people laugh (I'm a comedian) but at the end of the day, guys go home with their pretty girlfriends and I go home to an empty house. How can I not think there's something wrong with me?

Answer 1

HI,,, aww, this is sweet,,,, look,, what you just did is part of the growing up process..... everyone goes thru it, in some shape , fashon , or form..... just learn by your experience and go on with your life.. you are Not going to die over it... and one day... your prince charming will be there for you.. and you might remember this guy and what i am telling you here...

good luck

Answer 2

I am so sorry this has happened to you.
It has happened to me too - a long time ago. I suspect you are a very young person, and sadly, rejection is a part of life, but it is not the end of the world.
I Know it really hurts and I don't think the continuing friendship is going to help, unless, he has a change of heart and decides that he wants more than the friendship.
The best thing is to let go. I know that's easy to say and yet hard to do, but if you find the friendship thing too painful, it's only going to get worse and it will be worse then not seeing him all the time.

I think rejection reinforces these negative feelings that we are
ugly, unattractive,etc, but this is not true!! You are not ugly and unattractive. The feelings of rejection will make you feel this way.

I do believe that "that special someone" is waiting for you and I do know that it sounds so cliche.
i went through my teenage years feeling so ugly and never getting a date. Because I felt so down, I distanced myself from guys.

As I got older, I discovered that they did find me attractive but my negative personality was the thing that was turning them away.

When I met my husband to be, he thought I was gorgeous(and I am truly grateful for that).

I don't want to get side-tracked but I would encourage you to get focused on something else, some new interests or new hobbies. I know the pain will still be there, but as the saying says, Time does heal the pain.
I wish you luck and want to reassure you that you are not unattractive - there is someone special waiting for you when that
time is right- until then, enjoy yourself and move on and find
new friends.

Answer 3

I hate to tell you this, but there is no definitive answer here. I was in a relationship with a girl in college that looked like it was going extremely well. Fellow students and friends in the administration would joke about us getting married.

Obviously, you can figure out what happened since I've been single for some time now. But what made the situation worse for me was the fact that not only had I been a close friend of hers for several months before, but I also worked on a student newspaper until all hours of the night with her.

What seemed to work for me was time, refocusing and distance. At first I had trouble getting her out of my head, but gradually I was able to start convincing myself I could go out and meet new people. I also tried to figure out what qualities in a girl I liked. And as I did this, I allowed time to pass where I would go hang out with other people, play basketball or anything else that wouldn't force our lives to constantly intersect.

Roughly three years later now, I don't really see her too much anymore since I've graduated and she's still in school, but every so often I'll see her on-line, or even more rarely when I visit friends on campus. I don't think there's any pressure from either of us to get back together whenever we speak or get together. Just don't get me wrong, there is, and always will be, a little piece of me that misses her. But that's just the way love works, you never completely forget any relationship, but you will find love again.

I hope that somewhere in my story you can reflect on your conundrum. Regardless of what happens, I wish you the best.

Answer 4

You need to move on. This doesn't mean that you can't be "friends" with this person... but right now hanging out with him is only painful and preventing you from moving on with your life with a real partner. It's hard, but you need to let go for now so you can redirect your life. When you find you are TRULY over him and have come to accept you will not be more than friends with this person, THEN you will be able to deal with him as a friend again and hang out from time to time. There's no easy way around the hurt, you have to get through it in order to move on... so your instincts were correct in rationing time with him in order to do so. You will get there! I assure you, there are others out there who are right for you! They just don't always turn up the moment we need/want them to! You really need to get over this other guy first anyway, before you can be open to someone else... so just give it time. Write a lot if you need to, get those feelings out! :) Good luck to you.

Answer 5

Make a list of every little thing about him that bugs, annoys, or irritates you...no matter how small.
Seriously though, try to keep the friendship going but if it really is that difficult for you to be around him maybe you could take a short break from him and see how things go.

Answer 6

I think if you value his friendship and you can tell with the pain you should just be happy being his friend, but if it is too painful there is only one choice, males friends are nice to have, and lots of males don't know how just to be friends with a female, they are only interested if sex is involved.

Answer 7

although it is difficult for you to see now, your life will be full of chances for love. ANd time will take some of the sting away.
But don't lose your friend over this, a good friend is way too hard to find.