Please!!! help me. I feel crushed . How do I cope with this? I can't run away from this, I can't face this.

Question

I went to my dad's office yesterday, and fiddling on his computer, I found out that he's been visiting X-rated sites thru his office comp.

At that time, I was shocked, but my first impulse was to download ccleaner, and remove all traces of this activity. Like, its not as if I don't watch porn, but I am good at covering my tracks , and He's not, and I was worried about him getting into trouble. ( At 58, he has another 2 years to go before retirement, been married 26 years.) I am 17 and my sis is 22.

But later, I visited some of the sites and confirmed my suspicions-- Many of them were fronts for "female escorts". Ugh.

What do I do? He might be cheating on my mom, notto mention spending money that he should be saving on costly sluts.

But what can I do? I am REALLY NOT comfortable discussing this with either my mom or dad, and am trying to convince myself that it must be his assistant or someone else who is using the comp when he's not there to stop them. But that's rather unlikely.

My mom is a home maker, can't get herself a job, I am not yet in a position to support her.

Like. I have always been afraid of my father, there was a time, when I used to stutter in his presence. I really really am very disturbed even thinking of talking to him about it.

I could go to his comp. and install some sort of blocking software net nanny, cyberpatrol without telling him, hell, even using the internet explorer adult content block could help.

He's rather unlikely to ask the maintenence ppl to remove that.

Should I do that?

Ther's times, when he comes back late, says there's an audit going on in the office and mom believes each and every one of his lies, She actually waits to have dinner with him, and he's doing this to her. Son of a *****. I hate him, and hate myself for not doing anything.

those sites were for local escorts, no popups, clean sites, simply selling "escort services" for a couple of hours for acertain sum of money. Mobile numbers of the "contacts" were given. Photos of the girls were not given, " Which is done to protect their privacy , but once you contact...." .

It wasnot you run of the mill adult friend finder, mind you he visited that as well.

Answer 1

Call him on it. if he knows you know he may stop. It is not fair to your mother, if he is with prostitutes he is putting her life in danger, and must be stopped.

Answer 2

You need to be a man and discuss this with your Dad. It could very well be that someone else is using his computer to do this. However, if it's really your Dad, you aren't in a position of authority over him, and you can't force him to stop. You can only let him know how this affects you. If he's a decent guy, that may be enough to make him take a hard look at himself and change his ways.

While we're at it, you don't need to be looking at porn, either. You mentioned it very cavalierly in your post, but there's nothing light-hearted about it. As you're beginning to consider now, porn can destroy families and careers. If you're not strong enough to quit "cold turkey" look for a counselor or a support group for help. Maybe you and your Dad could get help together. How would he feel if he knew you were surfing the same porn sites that he is?

Good luck to you both!

Answer 3

You think too much. Here is how it goes. You are not your father or mother. They are your guardians for a reason. They are adults and let the adults settle their way of doing things.

Just because there are porn site don’t mean your father is fu##ing someone. Even if he is you are not in any position to stop him from what is “want” to do fu##ing someone. Just tell your father what you found and then ask him does mom know cause if he doesn’t tell then you will.


And let them work it out them self. You are not an adult to make there decision for them yet.

Then charge your father $200.00 and a new car for covering his mess up.

Answer 4

I don't know why you were "fiddling" with your dad's computer, but anything you saw there is his private business. It need not mean he is cheating. First, keep your mouth shut. You are 17 and have many opinions that are typical for your age. Your dad is a grown man who is far from dead. You say you are not comfortable talking with your dad, but before you say or do anything, you should try. As you mature, you will understand more. I am not condoning what he may be doing, but it is NOT your place to be his conscience or to run your mouth about anything your learned while "fiddling." You don't have the facts, the understanding or maturity to ruin lives based on what you don't know. Blabbing or tattling is childish and would hurt everyone.

Answer 5

Man, I really feel for you....

Thankfully, I've never been in that position, but I'd guess it had as much to do with my parents never having been caught than it did that they were 100% faithful. Either way....

At the risk of sounding overly naive, you need to try to find out for sure EXACTLY what's going on. There are some places on the internet you can go and it puts through some porn sites, etc. without your knowledge (I went cleaning up my own computer once, shocked at the porn sites I had apparently "visited", knowing no one else had been on my computer). You need to be sure, before you act, that your dad is the one accessing these sites, and that he's doing it on purpose.

Though I've never been in this situation, it's exactly like something my cousin went through several years back. Even though my uncle and cousin aren't the closest of all fathers and sons (especially back then), my cousin did go to his dad and talk to him. He pulled out the way he had been raised to respect women and be faithful to his wife, telling his dad what he was accessing online is nothing short of cyanide for a marriage. It caused a little friction, but my uncle ultimately realized my cousin was right (the friction was caused by the embarrassment or being upset at being caught.)

I have a theory that most people can be talked to and problems be worked out that way, as long as you keep a level head and approach it the right way. As angry and disappointed as you are right now, a conversation with your dad will go MUCH easier, and probably with better results, if you talk to him like an adult, calmly and rationally, letting him know you love him, but this is really bothering you, and you won't back down or be made to feel like your opinions are worthless. Basically, show confidence without arrogance. Expect that his first reaction may be defensiveness, and that's completely normal. You'd probably respond the same way.

You said something that kind of bothered me, though. I'm a homemaker. While your mother has been doing it much longer than myself, it's an incorrect statement to say that she "can't get a job" because she's a homemaker. I have personally had working relationships with women who returned to the work force after 25 years of homemaking. Had they not told me they hadn't "worked" in 25 years, I never would have guessed it. In many ways, being a homemaker allows some growth that is really appreciated in the workforce (from early on, homemakers have to learn to manage their time wisely, mediate disagreements between the most unreasonable people on planet earth (toddlers), show self-discipline, and multi-task.) My dad has what I call the "hiring and firing" job at the company he works for, and he assured me that the fact that a woman hasn't had a "real job" (there's just not a nice term in that situation) in decades has never made a difference in their hire-ability. Just wanted to let you know, so you don't have that to worry about.

Unfortunately, in these times and in this country, a suprising number of women assume their spouses look at porn. It's not right, but it's possible that would not be a surpise in the least to your mom. I definately don't think it's on the list of things to do for a great marriage, but it's a sad fact that huge numbers of men look at that garbage, and it's a sadder fact that huge numbers of their wives are aware of it.

I definately think you should talk to your dad, but not your mom just yet.

Answer 6

First of all, let him know that you know and that you are disappointed in him. You can't make him stop but to let him know that you are aware of his activity could be a good incentive to make him stop.

Second, please realize that monogamy isn't really normal and that people, even Christians, wander sexually. Sex is as normal as going to the bathroom. You are only 17 and think think the world is pure when in reality it is not. Hypocracy is the first evil...the interest in sex is way down the line.

Maybe your dad won't quit being interested in sex but with your encouragement he an drop the hypocracy. I'd bet your mom already know he does this...women are seldom surprised ...though sometimes they pretend to be.

Extremely tough growing pain but you will survive. Talk to your dad about it. Tell him how disappointed you are. If anyone tells your mom about it, let it be your dad.


I just read that you're afraid of your dad...my brothers and I were afraid of my dad too. You're 17 now...maybe you should consider that its time to quit being afraid. Maybe its time he should be afraid of you. Find that self confidence that he never gave you and be proud of yourself and your ability to confront head on! I don't think sneaky tricks are the answer.

Answer 7

Well as hard as it may seem I'd have a talk with your father. After all what if even its a small chance someone else used his computer and went to these sites and it wasn't him at all. Either way confronting him might just make him realize he made a mistake if he actually was him going to these sites. Good luck to you. ;o)

Answer 8

The simple solution for all who are involved, is to download the cleaner... & not say a word to anyone about it.
If it happens again, you could always clean it again.
Maybe he'll get the hint, but without any of you having to go thru an embarrassing or tragic situation.

Answer 9

Sit him down, and give him a talk.
Don't accuse him right off the bat, but you know, get in a conversation, then bring it up- without the accusing tone because it just MAY be a different person who used the computer.
Or talk with your mom about your suspicions, you know. That would probably help too. :)

Answer 10

When you tell a family member something like that it can & sometimes does back fire in your face. If you erase it he will just put it back on there.Maybe sitting down with your Dad in front of your findings will be a good eye opener for him. Just be very careful when going on someone's computer cause we all have secrets.

Answer 11

See, you don't know for sure. You have to ask your dad. And if he says no you have to say seriously because I care about you andthen he would say the real answer. Andthen sticks to the real answer. I know you don't it but you really need to talk to him. I thought that was the same with my dad but he wasn't cheating. You have to tell somebody. Or you aren't going to move on with your life.