But everybody looks funny naked!
You woke me up for that?
Did I mention the video camera?
Do you smell something burning?
What tampon?
Try breathing through your nose.
A little rug burn never hurt anyone.
Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
But whipped cream gives me the shits.
Can you make some noises, so that hottie next door thinks I'm good?
Hurry up! This room rents by the hour!
Can you please pass me the remote control?
Do you accept Visa?
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Ew - on second thought, let's turn off the lights.
And to think - I was really trying to pick up your friend!
So much for mouth-to-mouth.
Try not to leave any stains, okay?
Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
(Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
Do you get any premium movie channels?
Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!
(Preparing to incorporate peanut butter) But I just steam-cleaned this couch!
Got any penicillin?
But I just brushed my teeth...
Smile, you're on Candid Camera!
I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
I want a baby!
So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!
(In a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...
Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
I think you have it on backwards.
When is this supposed to feel good?
Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
You're good enough to do this for a living!
Is that blood on the headboard?
Did I remember to take my pill?
Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
I wish you'd let me put this bag on your head...
That leak better be from the waterbed!
I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!
So, how's your mother?
Did I tell you that I found this mattress on the side of the highway?
If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.
No, really... I do this part better myself!
It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!
This would be more fun with a few more grandparents.
You're almost as good as my ex!
Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?
You look younger than you feel.
Perhaps you're just out of practice.
You sweat more than a galloping stallion!
They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash.
Now I know why he/she dumped you...
Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?
You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.
I hope my stomach doesn't look too puffy - I haven't shat in weeks.
Have you ever considered liposuction?
And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
What are you planning to make for breakfast?
I have a sickening confession...
I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!
Are those real or am I just behind the times?
Were you by any chance repressed as a child?
Is that a hanging sculpture?
You'll still vote for me, won't you?
Did I mention my transsexual operation?
I really hate women who actually think sex means something!
Did you come yet, dear? Did I?
I'll tell you who I'm fantasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about...
A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
Does this count as a date?
Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!
Hic! I need another beer for this please.
I think purple nurples are romantic - don't you?
You can cook, too right?
When would you like to meet my parents?
Have you ever tried it in the nose?
Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"?
Sorry about the nametags, They're to avoid any embarrassment later.
Don't mind me… I always file my nails in bed.
(In a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?
I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?
Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman.
Sorry but I don't do toes!
You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!
Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!
Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...
I'll bet you didn't know I work for ''The Enquirer''.
So that's why they call you Mr. Flash!
My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!
Is this a sin too?
I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!
Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?
Long kisses clog my sinuses...
Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise...
How long do you plan to be ''almost there''?
You mean you're NOT my blind date?
2006-10-14 03:04:17 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
is it in ?
your mom is better
what do you mean you didn't feel it, i did... something must be wrong with you
you have a snagle tooth ouch
now get out b
they paid me to do this to make you feel better
(after the lights come back on) you are not the same person that i came in with...
do you love me? yeah i love to _______ you
(girl) you remind me of my dad but his was bigger
now i own you
who are all these people lining up behind you? please untie me !
no one can see this video we are making. thats not a video that is a live feed to the internet!
what do you mean you took the condom off?
you owe me $250.00
what do you mean you'll do it yourself?
hold your roll up so i can see it
your crushing me
so as long as i am not married i'm still a virgin......right !
now only 10 more minutes & your detention will be over
i think i just hit it in neutral... the car is rolling !
i called for room service.... they got to be better than you
stop! i need to drink more before i can do this
tell your dog to keep licking my toes
whats that noise? don't worry it is my husband... i asked him to join us, don't worry you look like his type.
do you think your friend jennifer likes me? can you tell her i am good?
this isn't... ohh... ahhh.... working out, i don't think we should see each other any more.
yeah it is a prostetic so what?
you look better with your clothes on
your breast look smaller wtih your bra off
put these glasses on to protect your eyes
let me try your clothes on
what do you mean you want me to do what with this strap on? its your turn what?
what do you mean you can't do it if i don't keep high heels on
you want to lick my what?
do they make an fds greanade
you still owe me $5 from monday at mc donalds, i just want to make sure you don't forget
yes, i won the bet i told tony that i can ______ you in two days!
so you want to... do it again? hell yeah!! what about friday what are you doing friday?
ok its in... now what, oh by the way this is my first time. i was saving myself for someone special.
what do you mean you have a fake id? it says 18 not 21.......
can my husband watch so he can see what he needs to do?
you are on birtth control right?
whats this slimey white stuff in you'll bed? don't worry its not yours.
thanks,
ss
2006-10-14 04:37:16 · answer #1 · answered by Starscream 4 · 9⤊ 1⤋
That was wonderful, its the most I have laughed in a long time. Everyone at my house totallly was laughing their asses off. Very bright and original. Love it!!!!!!!!1
2006-10-14 12:30:17 · answer #2 · answered by vwolf 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Truth is stranger then fiction. Very funny stuff!
2006-10-14 03:21:08 · answer #3 · answered by fred k 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
some really funny ones there...lol..here is an old one...
dont forget to pull my night gown down when your finished...
2006-10-14 03:21:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
How about adding " I wonder if you taste as good as you look". works for me
2006-10-14 03:24:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
i will prefer keeping my mouth shut
2006-10-14 05:19:21 · answer #6 · answered by stone 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
we should visit your moms house today and see how shes doing.
2006-10-14 03:07:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
lol!!!! nearly wet my pants.
how about- oh gosh my genital herpes is really playing up today!
or- while your doing that i'm just going to write my shopping list
2006-10-14 03:12:40 · answer #8 · answered by cobstar 3 · 12⤊ 1⤋
funny out..iv said two of em....but i just brushed my teeth.....and...sorry but i dont do toes! funny stuff!
2006-10-14 03:12:56 · answer #9 · answered by full metal 5 · 6⤊ 1⤋
I think your wedding ring is still in my vagina.
2006-10-14 03:06:43 · answer #10 · answered by K R 2 · 17⤊ 0⤋