Me and my wife dont have kids. We are steadily losing our friends however, because we are at the age where they are all having kids, and whenever we get together now all they can talk about it their wonderful children. Some of them also dont discipline their children at all, and I find it very annoying, which is why we stopped visiting. We cant have kids, but we are both professionals working with children. We certainly dont expect other people's children to be perfect little angels, but we feel that our friends have stopped paying attention to our friendship. We find that because we dont have kids we always have to compromise and visit them "because its easier". Even though they have kids, and I know its not easy, shouldnt they also make an effort?
2006-10-14 03:04:02 · 5 answers · asked by shakespear 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yes they should make an effort, but most friendships do not last much after the marriage of one. You may have one or two that will stay in touch but for the most part you will drift away from each other. Just my opinion. Good luck.
2006-10-14 03:09:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes, they can make an effort but it can be difficult because of the children. Children are very time consuming, they take so much attention and dedication that we don't mean to forget about friendships but sometimes there is not enough time. Just give a call every once in a while to let them know you at least still care. I know they'll appreciate it, just as the ending friendship is hard on you it's probably the same for your friends
2006-10-14 03:22:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes they should make an effort to make time to spend with their adult friends even if they dont have kids. I know most of my husband s friends have kids. we do not together . My kids are grown from a previous marriage. we find that they have trouble getting together with us . We always have to make the calls to get together and then they never call us we always have to call them and it is rather irritating . Maybe you should do what we have done , we have been trying to make friends who are in the same sittuation as we are. You know ones with older kids o;r even grandkids for that matter. Maybe you should make friends with other ppl ones like yourself some without kids. I think if you do you will be much happier . good luck and god bless.
2006-10-14 03:29:55 · answer #3 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Having children is one of the biggies in sorting out who you will still be seeing in twenty years, thirty years and forty years. I also work with children but unlike your situation - had my own children quite young for someone in my profession. When our first child was born - my husband and I realized immediately that the relationship we had previously enjoyed with our friends had altered forever - for many reasons. It was nobody's fault. We were immersed in the whole new strange world of feeding, sleeplessness, nappies and goo goo gah gah. We had entered a new dimension - one that we could not really share with our childless friends. There were no more lively, uninterrupted discussions into the wee hours over bottles of good wine - because we were seriously sleep deprived. We couldn't just drop everything to go out for dinner or even see a movie the way we once did because we had other responsibilites. Spontaneity of any kind became a mere memory. Any visit or excursion - including shopping for basics - became a major expedition. We had to plan, plan, plan. For a long time, we grieved over the loss of our friends. With each new addition to our family, more of our childless friends dropped off. When you have children, your focus changes and you become much less interested in yourself and your own needs. It is just how it is. And once you settle into the whole family thing - you are naturally drawn to other parents who share similar values and whose children are approximately the same ages as your own children. In your case - it is not that YOUR friends don't care about you any more - they just have other stuff happening in their lives and it is probably overwhelming them. We tried. We really tried. We made huge efforts to make sure we did not lose all our 'childless' friends. One time - we drove more than 400 km with our three very young children - booked into a hotel, waited for my parents to arrive to babysit (they drove 100 km from the opposite direction), organised dinner for all of them - and then, exhausted, dolled ourselves up to attend our friends' wedding. It cost us an absolute fortune. We attended the wedding - gave them a very expensive gift and never saw or heard from them again. As for visiting - believe me - your friends are doing you a favour by always having you visit them. At least they can put their children to bed...in their own beds. As for naughty children - I agree with you wholeheartedly. Our children were generally very well behaved no matter where we were. It was a constant source of frustration to us as parents when other children were allowed to run about like wild animals - wreaking havoc in all quarters with no one daring to discipline them. My children found that very hard too! Now that the hard yards are done and my children are adults - I'm rediscovering the wonderful freedom I enjoyed before children. Movies, dinners out, shopping whenever, staying up late, sleeping in, reading in front of the fire until I fall asleep..........the list is endless. You have this freedom now! Your friends don't. Your friends need you. Don't give up on them!
2006-10-14 04:08:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
they can. eventually they will. just give it time.
don\t you want to have children
2006-10-14 03:09:54 · answer #5 · answered by Vicky V 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋