why do they say nasty comments about my two yr old?

Question

my daughter is nearly two. when ever we are around my husbands family eg his cousins, some aunties, and his brother and his fiance they make comments about my daughter. it is very fraustrating and when i go home after seeing them i am very stressed out. they seem to pick on her. they say things like temper, temper, temper! you wouldn't want anymore children with her. be nice! my daughter is a good kid but is very active i just dont understand why they all say these things she is very affectionate and does tend to like her hugs and this seems to scare some kids. there kids arent perfect so why is it that everyone will sit there and say nasty, stupid comments about my daughter and not others? is it cause they don't like her, or me or is it because they are jealous. i just feel that they all watch her like a hawk and then point out everthing she does. why dont they do it to the other kids that mis behave, dont share and cling to there mother or just winge for no reason.

Answer 1

I would say that everyone's kids has their faults ..mine does and she has a temper, and to be honest bossy.. however it is just her stong personalty, i correct her and that is between HER AND I .. IT IS NOT UP TO ANY OTHER PARENTS TO COMMENT ON.. I would feel if I DIDNT say anything to them that I would be letting my child down... so I would let them know that their opinion is theirs and you cant help what they say when you or she is not around.. and you would hope that even then they wouldnt be so cruel however YOU will control what they say in front of you and there is to be no more negative talk about your daugter in a hurtful way.. this is YOUR child.... I hope that these stupid people have enough sence not to say this to your daughter or in front of her.. becasue i can tell you that if the little girl hears it.. then she will feel that is what people think so she feels she is expected to act that way and she WILL be even worse....

maybe you should considering cutting ties with these people... if they are family so what... do you really need that in your life?

Answer 2

This use to happen to me all the time with my daughter being around all the family-cousins-Aunts-etc. My daughter has always had sensory issues and has been funny about things like noises, touch, etc. She is a good little girl and very smart. My sister in law who has a little girl that is 6 months older than her was always comparing the 2 girls and drove me nuts. She also has 3 boys too so she thinks since she has 4 kids she knows what is best since I only have one. I think it is a jealousy thing. This was the only conclusion I could come to. Also an insecurity in her. It is sad, but I think these things happen to a lot of Moms and their kids. Hang in there. I finally learned to turn a deaf ear to it all and change the subject when it came up. It is hard when it is your in laws. You feel like if you do say too much you will become an outcast in the family. It is a fine line you walk with family and expecially the in laws. Oh and she moved away from Ca to Tenn so I no longer have to hear it and enjoy our visits with my hubby's parents and her other cousins-YEAH!!

Answer 3

Why don't you trying using a paradoxical technique like exaggeration when they do that again. When someone says "temper temper temper" then you overreact and say something like "yes, you're bad bad girl. BAd girl. You must have a TERRIBLE mother". but without your daughter being scared by it. The nosy onlookers will get the message "you are all overreacting". Or if you dont want to say this to your daughter, do it when she is out of earshot and comment "yes, she must have a terrible mother" then walk away from the conversation. Hope it helps!

Answer 4

Well I myself have been there too. I have a son and he is older than your daughter. However, it has been going since about the age of 2. Other than my son, there is only one other grandson. Lets just say that he is not physically active and would rather be watching TV,etc. My boy is ALL BOY! Everyone seems to say he is a brat, he is mean, too aggressive, etc. I can not stand to go anywhere around family. Mine or my husbands and it is all because of they way they treat him. I have no problem being around friends. They are not so judgmental. Families can be so harsh a lot of the time and it is really sad. Let your child be herself and if they do not like it, then spare her the humility of going around them. I did this for a long time and then of course I got the........we never see you, we want to see our grandson, etc. I simply explained to them that I didn't like how they always had a smart comment or was judgmental toward him. Needless, to say, their attitudes changed quickly and I can now go around them. Don't get me wrong, I still feel like I am on pins and needles sometimes; but my son seems happier. Good luck! It's not fair or right for the child; but you have to be the voice for your child.

Answer 5

Usually when this happens, family is commenting on your parenting skills, or you as a person. They most likely take issue with you persoanally and are just too cowardly to bring it to your attention because ethey feel like they "have to" get along because you married their ______(fill in the blank)...

So consider the source. Are their kids any good? How did they turn out. There are going to people that will always feel they know how to raise your babies better than you do....Don't let it eat at you. I know it hurts cause you want to be accepted, and you want your child accepted..But you know what ? You didnt marry them...they didnt give birth to YOUR child..But be bold enough to respond if they get toooo stupid. I dont care what hubby thinks...THAT is your baby...

Just be nice...smile...for your Husbands sake...and yours

This happened to me also. Is this a black family, or a southern white family..by any chance? Sounds very familiar in terms of culture...I married into a black family, and one before that was mexican...I spent most of my time fighting them all off of me, and shielding my children from their insane comments.

Answer 6

have you ever heard the term 'love is blind'? well I can tell you from my experience as a babysitter that sometimes mothers are blind to their childrens indescretions.I watch a boy who is almost 3 and when I say he is a little devil child the mother gets wrong.and when i say he hit,kicked,yelled,and swore,she doesn't believe me.Her 'sweet little boy' wouldn't think of such a thing! My aunt has a terror of a four year old and she thinks its just 'kids being kids' when he misbehaves.He throws stones at cars, sand in peoples hair and punches when hes 'playing'.She laughs and says that hes a 'typical boy'.He is a holy fright!

Another reason is maybe to the other moms and dads around they are too afraid to say something.Maybe they think you are a push over.Confront them, ask them why they to that and maybe remind them of things they have done while raising their kids that you may not agree with.Everyone has different parenting skills and every child is different.

Answer 7

youre pathetic. she obviously cared enough to show you her letter from a COLLEGE. and youre sitting there holding a grudge??? get over. or be a ******* adult and sit her down and tell her that what she said was inappropriate and it hurt your feelings. you should be happy that a college wants her to visit, not holding a grudge and acting like a 5 year old. she probably doesnt even know she did anything wrong in your eyes. grow up. oh, and if i were you id look further into why her and your husband havent been getting along well these past 2 years. its seem suspicious to me.

Answer 8

Mothers are blind to the faults of their children. I would like you to observe you child in a play group, just sit in a corner and watch her objectively. You may see some behaviors that you have been overlooking. My sisters daughter use to bite other kids and my sister overlooked this behavior until it was pointed out to her. Just remember, as you pointed out, that no child is perfect.

Answer 9

They seem to be evil, meddling jerks. I think you should confront them next time. Call them out on why they behave this way to a child. Ask are you that insecure about yourself that you have to pick on a two year old.OR you could go the oposite way and the next time you are over with them, tell your daughter to do what ever she wants, act however she wants, go crazy, have fun and really make them angry, then when they say something- tell them off.

Answer 10

because they are your in-laws and its mandatory for your relationship to be hell. Sorry but my father in law treats my son who is 2 the same way and I feel like punching him in the face. He seems to think we arent raising him correct because he can't sit quiet at dinner. Good Luck and try not to let it build up inside you to a point where you break on them.