How to manage uncontrollable tantrums from a 2 year old?

Question

i have just taken my 2 year old's dummy away and it has had a big effect on his behaviour, he is constantly biting now and having really bad tantrums (running and throwing himself against the kitchen cupboards or off the sofa) and they are putting him in danger. i have tried every trick from super nanny's book, but nothing is working, i'm contemplating just giving his dummy back it is getting so hard!!! Any tips would be really appreciated

Answer 1

Sometimes taking something away altogether and going cold turkey can be a bit stressful - have you ever gone cold turkey from caffeine! Allow him his dummy at set times, like nap time and bed time but also for when he is unwell or scared. You have to be the big brave bad mummy now and ignore him. I used to have to physically remove myself from the room when my daughter kicked off - it worked eventually - it does take time and some are slower to pick up than others. My own 2 year old son has started to kick off big time about nothing very much and he hates being ignored - I know its a phase thru experience but its worth it in the end. Just think of it as tough love in the early years

Answer 2

I would definitely recommend finding a form of discipline ie taking something away when he's misbehaving or timeout or corporal (whatever you find to work) and just be CONSISTENT. Kids get confused when you aren't consistent with discipline and as they get older they begin to know what things they can get away with because discipline isn't always the same or as harsh. Does that make sense? Anyway, lets just say that little two year old loves watching a movie every afternoon. But if he throws one fit that day then take away the tv time. If he throws another fit then you have to do something else that time because he's already been punished for the first tantrum by no tv time. Also, another idea that may help for the throwing himself around is...
He's on the floor throwing a fit and as soon as he starts go pick him up and hold him tightly on the couch so that he can't hurt himself or you. When he calms down then talk to him about it. See if that works after a while. Sometimes little habits like that form quickly and it takes a while to break them.

Answer 3

If you have decided it is time for him to give up his dummy, then stick with it. If you disagree with smacking (as I do), but he is endangering himself or causing damage during his tantrums then try a technique called strong holding. This is basically where you sit on the floor with him in front of you (facing away from you) and you use your arms and legs to hold him a sort of a bear hug. He can not hit or kick out as you are wrapping yourself around him. Watch out for him flinging his head back and head butting you. Stay quietly in this position until the tantrum has subsided. You can then use super nanny or whatever discipline technique you prefer when he has calmed down. Good luck. Hope it works for you.

Answer 4

I would give him the dummy back. So that you can get some control back then gradually wean him off it by limiting the times or duration he can have it. i.e naps and at night. This is a lengthier process but will stop the masive tantrums and give you the control back. He is only 2 and so it is no real problem if he still has the dummy occasionally. Good luck. 2 year olds will test your patience and as you know if you follow supernanny then its about you being in control, keeping you patience and following things through.

Answer 5

What we did with my daughter is to tell her that the "dummy fairy" was coming in the night to take away her dummies and give them to new babies who need them more than she does. She asked for it a bit but it soon got less and now I forget she ever had it. If you give it back you will have to go through it all again another day, might as well start what you finish and it will get better - I promise!

Answer 6

Wow, that sounds more like an episode of night terrors. My son went through that when he was about 2. He'd wake up in the night screaming bloody murder. He'd thrash, kick and everything. He'd be hysterical. The thing is they may look like they're awake but they aren't. The only thing you can do is try to keep him from hurting himself until he calms down. Don't try to wake him because that can make the episode worse. Maybe this was a fluke. But if it continues to happen then take him to a pediatrician who can explain it better and give you better tips on what to do.

Answer 7

he has lost the one thing that always comforted him. don't give the dummy back because this will show him that if he throws enough tantrums he will get his way. try to find something new for him. take him to the store and let HIM pick out something small that he can keep with him that will help to comfort him. if you can't do that then find something else he likes a lot and try to intoduce that as his new comfort. my son adapted to his blanket that he's had since birth, very quickly.

Answer 8

i would have limited its use first, giving it only at bedtime and maybe you could do that next child if there is one. right now you've already taken it and giving it back will reinforce the negative behavior. make sure during calmer times you are giving him your full attention, playing in the floor, cuddling, showing him how cool some of his other "comfort" items are like blankets, or stuffed animals. when he's having an "episode" tell him that he's not being nice and he's going to get hurt and to stop. try to stay calm. invite him to quit throwing a fit and come play. if he doesn't stop tell him that you are going to put him in his playpen or bed until he stops. if he still doesn't stop, put him in his playpen or bed (somewhere he cannot get out of but somewhere where he cannot hurt himself) and leave the room. go to your room or somewhere where you can hear him calm down. if after several minutes (several not just 2) if he's still upset, go try to comfort him and if it doesn't work, leave again. you will have to try to understand he's still just a baby and still needs something to confort him. still he should not just be allowed to act out or hurt himself. good luck and hang in there.

Answer 9

Hello,

The best way, is to let him have the dummy. It is like a comfy blanket, favourite toy .... He feels safe with it . you can't force it.
Instead, encourage him live the dummy in his bedroom or in a draw he can reach (in case of emergency). make him put the dummy himself aside for a bit, then longer. Make him talk more (can't speak with it in his mouth and if he does speak, just say "i can't understand with the dummy in your mouth"). The child himself must be ready to put the dummy aside. keep mentioning how big he's getting mentioning that soon, he will not need the dummy soon as he's being so good.
If all fell, it will not be long before he gets rid of it (6months max, hopefully).

Regards, Thierry

PS: If u want to e.mail me, [e-mail]

Answer 10

His "dummy" was and IS his security...how would you feel if someone came in and took all the locks off of your doors??
Or even worse took off all the doors?
We have to realize that our children need security, and gradually work to wean them from one form of it to another..try spending more time on activities that do not include his dummy, especially things he loves to do, but say we can only do "such and such" if dummy stays at home..no exceptions no fights, just the fact.
My daughter sucked her thumb until she was 12, never said a thing...and she is now a nurse working on her masters...straight teeth, and no emotional hang ups...everyone has their own time..why force and traumatize him, when he isn't ready?