I love my fiance. but sex with him.. is at best, not painful. I dont know why. I only had sex with one other person who I dont even come close to loving.. yes i didnt know what i was doing... but that was way more enjoyable than sex now. is this going to be a problem with our future marriage? How can i make sex better without hurting his feelings?
2006-10-14 01:50:41 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Talk to him and tell him what you've just told us. If you love each other you can work out the problem.
However, if things do not improve - then perhaps this is not the man for you.
And, don't believe the people who tell you that great sex is not very important in a marriage.
2006-10-14 01:54:31 · answer #1 · answered by Angela 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is already a problem. If you are having sex, but not enjoying it, then it is a problem. Check with your Gyn dr. There may be a medical reason for the difficulty. Then remember that sex is mostly in the head and how you think. Read some sexual technique books. Do whatever you can to make it better. TALK with him, then talk some more. Tell him the nature of your problem. He may even have some suggestions or can change something, but don't count on it. Remember, marriage last a long time. It would be unfair to you or your fiancee to go into it without all the cards on the table. And be honest. I wish you well. God bless you.
2006-10-14 01:58:13 · answer #2 · answered by Bibi B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no reason to believe that your sex life can not be amazing. You need to dig for answers everyway that you know how. Chances are it is a communication problem. Not to mention sex is largely in the brain.
Go to amazon.com and get every book you think will help you. If you buy used they are very inexpensive.
It goes without saying that he SHOULD be aware of the problem. But reassure him of your love.
I highly reccomend The Comfort Book for couples, there are many about orgasams and sex that you will find on Amazon.
Talking to a therapist and/or your Dr. to rule out any of the issues they would deal with couldn't hurt either.
Please be assured it's not the person. Unless you suspect he may not have the interest of average men. TALK to him, lovingly. Let him know you want that part of your life to be fabulous. Work together.
I'm believing you are in for an INCREDIBLE wedding night. :)
It will be so worth your efforts to resolve this now.
2006-10-14 02:08:41 · answer #3 · answered by houston j 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I truly believe sex gets better with age. If I would wait for my husband, we would never have sex. I hate to tell you, but once you get married, that might be your story too. My husband and I had sex every night when we were dating. Now it's once a week. I think you need to find your G-spot and learn to please yourself. Then get on top and learn to have sex that it pleases you. When I was young I would have never bought sex toys, but I did now only because I am not getting any younger. Try the sight healthyandactive.com They sell the rabbit and that will help you to learn what makes you feel good. Mens egos are fragile so you can't say too much...you have to tell your man in a praising type way. Like oh baby I would love if you did this...or you are so great when you do this. If your man isn't going down on you...you aren't going to have a big O. He at least needs to play with your clit before sex. It isn't a quick thing. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-10-14 02:08:01 · answer #4 · answered by hard rock girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having SEX doesn't sound enjoyable. Making love is fun though! Ok, for girls there are many things that have to fall in place for us to get aroused. If you're not feeling emotionally loved, sex is not going to feel good. If you're stressed out about life in general, sex may not feel good. Even if this is the guy you're totally in love with, if he doesn't get you stimulated before intercourse, sex just isn't going to feel good. How much foreplay do you have, if any? Making love is supposed to be a celebration of your love, to the highest degree, and it's to be enjoyed, ecstatically, by all parties involved! I've always be kind of envious of guys in that department: I mean, if my day at work was hideous, and I got home with a headache and sore feet, I might not feel like getting down as soon as I got home. I'd probably need to unwind a bit. But there have been days like that when that's ALL I want to do as soon as I get within 10 feet of my honey! Make sure your fiance is in tune with your needs. And if he's not let him know how you feel. Hey, there are always fun things at stores. Maybe you need to spice things up. I think somehow you're thinking too much...and that's making you distant. In which case, having some wine can be nice before starting to be naughty!
2006-10-14 02:04:43 · answer #5 · answered by green eyed sole 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to ask if you were abused as a child. If not, then you really don't love this fellow in the best of ways. Perhaps he is not experienced and you two can grow together, but marriage can last a very long time and I sure would want this issue totally resolved before I married. Believe me, if you don't like having sex with him now, it will only get worse. In real love, it's called "making love", not sex, so I have to question your deepest inner feelings for him. Search your heart and don't make a mistake with your life. Please think about this. If you really love him in the end, then perhaps you can teach him how to make love to you. Don't marry until resolved or you will either divorce or live in regret for the rest of your life.
2006-10-14 01:57:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself whether or not this is the man you want to spend your whole life with. Having a painful experience during sex could be a sign that your body is resisting the experience. This may be caused by you not having enough trust for him, thus your body is not able to relax.
It's also important to know what you want and need during an intercourse. It might be a good idea to have a solo experience first: to experiment and to get to know your body better, before your next intercourse with him.
Sex is all about loving experience. Talk to him and tell him what your thoughts are. If he doesn't understand or doesn't care enough to make you happy, then maybe it's time to let go.
2006-10-14 02:10:21 · answer #7 · answered by treelover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to say this but if this is"truly the man that you love" then the sex SHOULD be good no matter what!! If it truly is no good then take CONTROL and then you will not hurt his feelings and it will probably be more enjoyable for both of you. Also if he truly hurts and he loves you as much as you love him he wouldn't what to hurt you. I know that if it starts to hurt me I tell him and that is all that it takes we Find a new position.
2006-10-14 02:00:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask your self: a million. Why did i marry him? ........ actual attraction does help some in a courting however the rationalization you fall in love with somebody has to do on how that person treats you. purely because of the fact your no longer bodily attracted that doesnt recommend you cant improve to love him. intercourse isn't the final rationalization why you're with somebody, is a factor of the courting confident! buts its no longer each and every thing. Love could be unconditional and not a duty. Loving somebody for what they're interior the interior and not on how they provide the impression of being like is what makes you savour what you have. in case you're saying he's sturdy to you and you recognize that he cares for you, why no longer attempt and notice previous what you spot bodily and initiate finding at his coronary heart. Theres a e book called "the 5 love languages of love" by ability of Gary Chapman. possibly it could help the two one in all you fill that vacant love tank. sturdy luck.!
2016-10-02 07:10:25 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you need to get to the source of the problem.
if it is that your both not in the right mood try, fantasies, costumes, dirty texting before hand telling him what you want to do to him etc. Something as simple as nice underwear or no underwear under clothes can work.
if the problem is that he doesnt last as long, yu could try foreplay to make him come before sex, this lengthens the time between when he next comes.
If the problem is that you arent stimulated as well then you might want to try different positions, which vary in depth and which parts get stimulated.
sex doesnt come easy you do need to work at it. and remember it is supposed to be fun. good luck!
2006-10-14 01:57:12 · answer #10 · answered by barbie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋