My daughters wedding is next Saturday and 3 of my dearest friends are invited. One of these friends is going through a period of depression and is not herself at all.
Problem is she wont say if she will be able to attend saying it depends on how she feels on the day.
I dont think this is fair to my daughter and partener( they have paid for everthing themselves) as there are others they could invite instead.
I dont want to risk upsetting my friend by asking her for a yes or no.
What would you do ?
2006-10-14 01:35:02 · 23 answers · asked by dancingcar 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
To make things worse the wedding is not taking place in our home town and most are staying in hotels overnight.
To one person who answered it is plain you have never suffered from depression!
2006-10-14 01:45:48 · update #1
Thanks everyone but I must point out its not about the price of the meal.
There are people coming to the evening do who could attend the day event if we knew in time so I dont think they would feel a last thought!
I do understand my mother had depression on and off for years.
2006-10-14 02:07:51 · update #2
I would try and understand that your friend is suffering and has probably given you the best answer she can, let it be and encourage her to come, if she doesn't I doubt it will have any effect on the wedding or your daughters happiness.
2006-10-14 01:39:26 · answer #1 · answered by daniel a 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I think you guys need to sit down and calmly discuss this between the 2 of you. It doesn't matter what your feelings are on joint checking accounts or not at this point, if the 2 of you cannot agree on who pays for what for the wedding, you need to seriously reconsider the wedding. The biggest problem in most marriages is problems with money, I know it's the one thing my husband of 20+ years and I fight about more than anything else combined. Issues about money is the #1 reason couples divorce today. There is no right or wrong way to pay for your wedding, you just have to find out what works for you and your future husband. If the 2 of you can't even manage to do that, how in the world will you 2 manage to agree on how to pay for a home, cars, expenses regarding children, etc?
2016-05-22 01:10:22 · answer #2 · answered by Shirley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi to be honest I dont think that your daughter will be 2 upset if your friend does not attend the wedding as long as the 2 people she loves most in her life are there which is you and your husband It will be the happiest day of her life.I no if I was to get married the only 2 people I would really need to be there are my parents it would make my day and so well and good if the people who were invited turned.Dont worry if your friend doesnt go its you your daughter needs on the big day it will be a fantastic day the best day of your daughters life all because she married the man of her dreams and her parents and family were there
2006-10-14 01:48:16 · answer #3 · answered by Tracy M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Encourage her to come. Arrange for someone to pick her up and to bring her from the church to the reception.
Tell her you need her to be there for you for that much anyway - once the dinner is over, she can go home. A couple of hours is not much to ask of a dear friend.
If she can't commit to that much, tell her you understand, but also tell her that as it's your daughter who's paying for the dinner etc, you're sure she'll understand that you can't keep her place open in that case. Offer to bring her some cake and share all the photos with her after the wedding.
You can't do more than that, you shouldn't have to worry about whether or not she chooses to grace you with her presence, but your daughter shouldn't feel she's wasted her money on such a special day either.
2006-10-14 01:45:16 · answer #4 · answered by RM 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If this is a matter of money then why don't you throw in for your depressed friend and allow your daughter to invite someone else.
If it is a matter of space then go to your friend and explain that your daughter really wants her there but if she isn't sure if she is going to make it ask her if she could come to the reception and explain to her why... let her know that there are other people that are wanting to come and as you would love her to be there, but if she still isn't sure would it hurt her feelings if they invited someone in her spot. But be very careful how you say things and make sure she feels like you DO want her there and that if she isn't comeing to the ceremony encourage her to attend the reception.
I hope it all turns out well. Have fun!!!
2006-10-14 03:22:03 · answer #5 · answered by melodi_jean_99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with DanielA
Unless you've ever suffered from depression, you don't understand how painful it is. If you are really her dear and true friend, please understand this. The money is just not that big an issue - over a life in despair.
This is the happiest day of your daughter's life and it sounds like she is an adult (cause she's paying for the event herself). I think she will understand the situation - unless the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree!
Scotsman below just hit the nail on the head!
2006-10-14 01:48:18 · answer #6 · answered by Kare♥Bear 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it was 1 of my dearest friends,I would leave it to her,she may not be able to face a big "do" with lots of people if she is depressed,she cant help it.
Whats the price of a meal compared to her friendship?
Also,if i were invited to a wedding 1 week before,like the people who could be asked instead, i would feel like i was second best.
Have a lovely day and if your friend does come,it will be a nice bonus x
2006-10-14 01:55:26 · answer #7 · answered by Pat R 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let her know there's a deadline before the actual date and that if she doesn't think she'll want to be there, that's okay with you and if she wants to come that's fine too and that you hope that she does come. I'm sure she realizes that if she say's she'll come, and doesn't make it afterall, that your daughter has to pay for her dinner. As for inviting someone else...that last person who's to be invited, will know they're being invited "last" and won't feel happy about it. Just stick with your list and support your friend with trying to encourage her to come. You'd love to have her there for such a special occasion. .... Wish you luck there and hope your friend gets some medical attention to help her depression.
2006-10-14 01:47:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand your dilemma I would say to your friend that you've spoken to your daughter and the caterers require your daughters final numbers by tomorrow. Telling her this she has to make a quick decision , if not tell her to just come on the evening this might make her feel a bit better perhaps she can not manage all day.
Some times you have to be a bit cruel to be kind. If not have a perfect day..
2006-10-14 01:41:03 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa P 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just explain to your friend that everything is already paid for and set. tell her your daughter wants her to be there and has paid for her place. tell her that sitting at home depressed won't help anything but that she would make your daughters happy day even happier if she would attend. maybe she would even have a little fun too.
2006-10-14 01:39:21 · answer #10 · answered by momma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋