Is an only child lonlely?

Question

I have an adorable 8year old daughter. Though she has never openly asked for a sibling but I wonder if she does get lonely sometimes. For personal reasons, my husband and I have not opted to have a second child. But there are times I wonder if I'm doing my kid an injustice by not having another child. I'm 36 now..am I too old to even think of another child now? Will the big age gap between the two kids mean not enough companionship for the two of them? Your opinions are welcome..as I'm thoroughly confused and we are not getting any younger!

Answer 1

Don't feel bad. I have a beautiful 6 year old girl who couldn't be happier, even though her mother left us and she is an only child. I spoil her rotten, and spend just about every waking moment with her playing games, watching movies, and even letting her coat my nails (and half my fingers) in a vibrant shade of sparkly pink. As long as your kid knows that you love them, it should be enough.

Sometimes I worry about her though, because her friends often run off on her. They did that at her most recent bithday party so they could go and see the monkies or something, and she ended up spending the next half an hour in my arms with her face buried in my shoulder as I carried her around.

Evie knows I love her though, and often I get the feeling that she'd rather spend time with me than some of her friends, but I know that its important for her to get out and play with other kids her age. Do the same with your daughter.

You're never too old to have another kid in my opinion though. She may adore having a younger simbling to fuss over, but you have to be careful. She may get jealous if she thinks you are spending too much time with a newborn.

My daughter always teases me about the fact that I don't have a girlfriend. I nearly cried when she came into my room one night, snuggled up under my arm like she does when she has a bad dream, because she asked if I was lonely. I didn't know what to say, so I just held her until we both fell asleep. I think all of it's just a big hint that she does want a female figure around the house, but I'm a bit wary of dating again.

You've got the advantage of having a husband there with you. Being an only child shouldn't have any ill effect though. Except for the fact that she may be a little bit spoiled.

But that's no biggy.

I make chocolate and candy for a living. My daughter is the epitome of spoiled. I think all the sugar has gotten to her though, because she isn't a brat. She's the sweetest little munchkin in all the world, and I love her to pieces.

Answer 2

My son was an only child until this year and he is 11 1/2 years old. He is a happy, well-adjusted child and we believe a great student because of all the time we had to give him. I know that he did wish for a sibling, at times, but we were unable to have any more children. You are not doing your child an injustice, but don't feel too old if you really want another child. I had a girl 10 months ago at the age of 38 and my son adores her. The age difference is great-they don't fight or compete and he has been able to bond beautifully with her because of the lack of competition. Good luck in your decision!

Answer 3

Adorable 8 year old, "Lonely", how come?
You and your husband seem to have decided not to have a second child.That's a mutually agreed upon decision?
Then please do not worry about how old you are getting. Children learn to bond quickly and well at any time of their life. If for some reason that mother child bonding has not occured yet , may be you ought to spend more quality time with her . The question of age gap does not arise between two kids. You can be her big sister,mom ,teacher,caretaker,friend .guide and philosopher all rolled into one.May be you should join a 'Only child' parents' association in your area if the problem bothers you so much.Last of all 'Think from your daughter's point of view. Does she really need another companion at home, after eight long years , with you both as parents? Get your husband involved in her bringing up .

Answer 4

I'm 36 with a twelve year old solo child, and she is in fantastic shape. She went through a period around 3-4 where she asked for a brother or sister, but she is fine. She is very comfortable around both adults and kids and she is athletic. She makes friends easily and is very well adjusted. After she was around 5-6 I gave up the thought of having another. My sister and I were 7 years apart and we were never close when I was growing up. I didn't want that, plus it was less and less appealing the more independent my daughter got to think about caring for a baby again. Don't sweat it!

Answer 5

That's up to God. You are married. It is in your natural right to have another child. Personally, I'm against married couples taking some kind of birth control. It's not natural. I took birth control after my son was born to prevent me from having a second child so close to my son's age. What utter bulls***! I should have never listened to my doctor or nurses advising me to get back on the pill. Abstinence is also unhealthy for married couples. If your intimate encounters with your husband result in you having another child, then so be it. It was meant to be!

As for your age, you are still within the norm to biologically reproduce. I'm 40 going on 41. It may not be possible anymore for me to reproduce. Then again it may be. I am not stopping myself from having sex with my husband. I am not going to refrain from having sex on the so-called fertile days, because for me, I have no idea when those fertile days are anymore. It could be that I'm fertile every other month.

I want a second sibling for my 5 year old son. I think he's happy being an only child. Sometimes I feel though like I'm his entertainment committee because not only does he not have a sibling but he doesn't have any cousins that he sees on a regular basis. Sure I have to set up play dates, but those playmates are not always conveniently available and don't occur all that frequently due to work schedules. He is very inventive of pretend brothers and sisters and lots of them! It tells me that if he remains an only child he will likey have a big family when he grows up. He is probably also feeling lonely at times.

Answer 6

I don't think your are too old, my aunt just had twins and she is 50. I have a brother and a sister, my sister is right at a year younger and my brother is 6 years younger. My sister is my best friend in the world (she is 22, I am 23). The bond between siblings can be very strong, but if you don't want to raise another kid that is your call, you are the one that has to squeeze them out. Lots of kids are only children, they grow up just fine. Good luck!

Answer 7

well mam i believe u have taken right decision by not opting for another child.as u feel sometime that ur daughter is feeling lonely then at that time she isnt thinking of siblings but hoping frm friendly behaviour frm her parents specially mom.u need 2 spend some quality time with ur child & also let her spend time with her friends also.now thinking of child wont b wise a s i feel its 2late also if u feel 2 have 1.the age gap wont help her.just calm down & give ur best 2 the only child u have.just enjoy & keep her busy someway or other by sending her 2 play or even by making her join some activity classes.dont worry

Answer 8

An only child knows not what it is like to have a sibling, therefore; does not angst what it has never had or experienced.. The only child only knows the world through his or her eyes and to that only child home is a refuge with mom and dad.. If you had another child to ensure your child's unlonliness, I will bet next year you would be asking can a child that was alone for 8 years, suddenly beomce jealous... Besides 8 years is a big diference in childs ages and they would have nothing in common.....

Answer 9

I regreted not having a sibling for my son it was hard when he was young(now 17) but be active with her and it will be find we had friends go on vacations with us or cousins this made it more fun for him its to late to have a child now there to far apart. I did it all over at 40 and have a 3 year old and wanted him to have a sibling closer at age and I missed carried after him and decided that at 40 I was lucky to have another healthy boy

Answer 10

I was an only child. I really missed having a brother or sister. It really counts when you get older (40ish 50ish) a realize you a really all alone in the world. Sometimes a sibling is a true pain, but the flip side is you have someone! 36 isn't too old. Go for it!!!