I'm about to pluck up courage to show friendly gestures (smile, hi, chat up etc) to a total stranger guy whom i hv a crush on (yea on the bus). I'm not sure if he ever notices me (if that affects his likely reaction). Anyway my gal frens gave me their full support & pushes me give it a go! While some guy frens said they will admire the ger if the ger is a fren of his and expresses her feelings for him first, regardless if he likes her in return or not. But not acceptable to total stranger gers on the street to make the first move by saying hi..says will not think too highly of this type of girls with ulterior motive. That really dampens me lots! Is that true? Will I look like some weirdo, desperado, psycho whom guys will runaway immediately?! Or maybe not so extreme but will that make me less appealing and are such gers generally not the type most guys like? I need more GUYS' point of view! esp. local SG guys for local culture context. oh yes pls do also suggest a gd way 2 approach.THX
2006-10-14 01:11:11 · 12 answers · asked by crazyzzz 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
more fromme after getting some comments:
* exactly wat i fear, gd looks r subjective. I would say i'm quite attractive but in an uncommon way. (ie. not the popular type i think)
* i look cold & aloof & i think dats y im in the need of being the initiator. the worse enemy i've got now is lack of courage & self-confidence.
* its dicey cos he's got alomst nothing for me to find an excuse to talk abt. Jus shirt & pants & no bag. That makes me even more guilty of being so superficial!
Thx
2006-10-14 01:31:58 · update #1
I'm from SG, here's my view.
The upbringing in SG let me to notice this, i'm not sure if you agree. For both males and females, we do not encounter cases where a stranger walks up and say his/her feelings.
Take yourself for example, what/how do you feel when you are walking (lets say) in Orchard Rd and a guy approach you and say he likes you and want to know you as a friend.
(1), you will look at is the first impression he gives you. Does he look like a 'good' person or someone with possible evil intention.
(2), you may base on the fact that you don't know anything about him and you aren't sure if what he say is truthful or it's just a prank. As we all know that such cases are rare, we always think it could be a prank.
(3), you are forced into a situation that you need to give him an immediate answer. As you are confused of what is the correct choice, you find yourself choosing the default failsafe answer, which is most likely "Sorry, I'm not sure". You may be a friendly person but you may also be worried that if you give him your contact, he may abuse it and pester you.
Given the 3 points in my opinion, you may need to address those in order for you not to get the default failsafe answer:-
(1) Ensure you give proper first impression.
(2) Be truthful and serious, don't say anything like your friends dare you to make the approach. Chances are the guy dun enjoy pranks and thinks that you are just doing it for the fun.
(3) Don't expect him to reply immediately. Give him your contact and wait for him to followup. In this way you should be able to know if he is interested in you too. As you see him often on the bus, you need not worry if he doesn't give you his contact during the first approach.
In my opinion, if i'm the guy that you want to approach, I will base on the 3 points i stated above, but i'll prefer not to answer immediately and given the contact number to call later if i'm interested.
Other than that, if you are just approaching the guy and asking to be his friend, i don't see why he will refuse.
As it can be too long for me to explain here, you can also email me at axixguy@yahoo.com.sg for any further explanation on what i wrote.
2006-10-15 16:26:00 · answer #1 · answered by axix 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are 18 and a young 18 at that. Your first year of college. You didn't just want to be friends with this man. Not really. You gave him your virginity. That is something that you can't ever get back. You don't give it to someone you just want to be friends with. If that was the case you wouldn't have saved it until college. The guy played you. He got to know you and decided he had to have you. He is 21 and in college and in another country. He can hook up with all kinds of girls and go home and never admit to any of it. He is not talking to you because he wants you to go away. He got what he needed from you and now he is done. I am so sorry that your first time was with a jerk and that you will remember the jerk for the rest of your life. Gather your girls, have a nice man bashing night. Then get all dressed up and go out and remind yourself just how awesome you are and why he is a complete idiot to not want to marry you right on the spot. He should be so lucky to have a girl like you. As a side note. I hope that you wore a condom. If you were stupid and did not, please go get tested immediately. 30 is what he told you. That does not mean that it is the truth. He said he was STD free.. that is like saying he looked clean. No, that is worse. He has prob never been tested in his life. He just isn't itching or burning so he is STD free. Guys can be carriers for all kinds of nasty stuff and not even know they have it. Take care of you and make better decisions during your next 4 years of school.
2016-05-22 01:07:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not at all. In fact it seems that more and more women are doing it. If the potential partner you have in mind doesn't agree, then move on. I find it an attractive feature that women now-a-days are doing just what you said. It doesn't (in my eyes) make them any less of a person, and hopefully other think so as well. It's without a doubt, better to be up front and honest, than to play the part that has been with all of us for so many years when it comes to the dating world. In fact, women who are aggresive by taking that first leap probably are good in the business world. Hey, Good luck to ya!
2006-10-14 01:19:56 · answer #3 · answered by ndvsne1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO WAY! Well i knew who the guy was but he didn't know me. All I knew was his name and that he was in debating...he didn't know mineHe seemed pretty cool and decent so I thought if I don't get to know him a bit better I will be kicking myself for the rest of my life if. So I used the first excuse I got to talk to him and then I had to meet him online. After he told me the debating tips I steered the conversation to things about us. The next time he was online I talked to him again and when I saw him in school I always said Hi. Afterwards he started saying Hi and just a couple of weeks ago he gave me a letter saying he likes me. I now never regret saying Hi to a total stranger. GO FOR IT!
2006-10-14 01:33:53 · answer #4 · answered by Spastic girl! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do you should be careful , while you do not seem to be a psycho they are out there and you really don't know anything about this guy, so please be careful. As far as an opening line, go with the obvious,"(Hi, hello, excuse me) (I am, my name is) (your name) (I was wondering, I noticed, I see), I like your jacket, shoes, shirt etc, Take your pick, ask an innocent question to start the conversation and see where the conversation goes from there. starting with an innocent off hand question gives you the option of a quick exit if you need it.
2006-10-14 01:36:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweety, just say hi to the guy. If he seems interested, go from there. The only way you will look bad in his eyes is if you come across as tarty (sluttish makeup, way too small clothes...) and seem like all you care about is telling your friends all the details on monday.
Just say hi, if he looks interested, ask him something about himself (like if he's listening to headphones, ask what he's listening to; if he's reading a book, ask the title and if he likes it) Give a positive response to his answer and then exchange names, offering yours first. You should hit it off from there.
Hope I've helped!
2006-10-14 01:22:06 · answer #6 · answered by Shel K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dun worry about it. Just say Hi to him and smile.
Smile to him each time you see him.. and then after a few days.. start asking him questions about himself.. and start off as friend first lah..
Never try, never know..
Anyway, there is a chinese saying tat says, "A man has to go through mountains to chase after a woman but a woman chasing after a man will only have to go through sand."
You never know what that guy might be thinking. He might be impressed with your friendliness or your courage and might prefer unconventional beauty like you!
Just try lah! I support you! hahaha...
Good luck!
2006-10-14 02:19:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't you worry, if you are good looking, he won't mind you making the first move.I mean if a goodlooking girl makes the first move on me, I think that'll be really cool.
2006-10-14 01:14:04 · answer #8 · answered by Friend 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i usually talk about books or magazines the person is reading to try and start a conversation and listen to see if the person is intelligent and if so i pursue
2006-10-14 01:24:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I sometimes get turned on by it.
2006-10-14 01:14:48 · answer #10 · answered by Dr Dee 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋