can anyone help me?

Question

i have 4 boys aged 7...5...3...10mths my eldest is the baby of the family and needs toughing up ive tried boxing tried play fighting with him but it dont work anyone got ideas how i can make him tougher instead of him being a little girly

Answer 1

There is nothing you can do, he is his own person and it might just be in his nature to be like that, my eldest is the same not into football or anything that will toughen him up but he has got on in life just fine he is 18 now and still the same, don’t worry about it I’m sure the others will make up for it mine are.

Answer 2

Firstly throw away your "Archie Bunker" child rearing manual. Acceptance is the key. If he doesn't feel accepted at age 7, how do you think bullying him and calling him "a little girly" is going to help? I guarantee that if you will embrace him and love him instead of looking at him as if he is a bad reflection on you, he will look at you and see your strength and want to emulate it. A little over a year ago, my son began to develop some irrational fears. He was afraid of hurricanes, then tornadoes (we live in southern California). On one hand I was embarrassed because I thought it meant I was a bad mom. But then I thought about it. How would I want him to treat me, if the shoe was on the other foot? And when I am a senior citizen, it very well could be. I thought about it and thought I would like someone to just be supportive and not think they know how I feel. So that's how I handled it. Looking back now I realized that because he had lost his grandma and his uncle within a few months of each other, this was eating him up. Now I'm glad that I acted out of compassion. Good luck. Please don't screw this up.

Answer 3

You've probably proven to him that you're stronger than him with the play fighting, and you're a girl. And that's just humiliating for a young lad. You need to be a mother and not a tyrant. Let him be the way he is.Sounds like you're the bully of the family. If love comes from nowhere else, it should come from his mother. Then he'll build up his own determination to be the man of the house, the protector of the family. Just ask him to look out for his younger brothers and sisters but if you promote the notion of violence in his head, that's what you'll get, and you'll be sorry.

Answer 4

my advice would be to leave him to develop is own character, and i say this through experience, not from a book i have eleven children mostly grown up but i can remember my instincts as a parent was to make my boys be able to look after themselves, i was a boxer and in the army so my regime was pretty strict, and i adored any sport ,i had footballers rugby players cricketers, and that was just the girls. the boys followed my love of boxing all except one, i tried to get him interested but he would have non of it, he would not stick up for himself in the playground he was being bullied his brothers took to fighting his battles for him, then one day he was walking home from school with his youger sister and they were attacked by a gang of youths the same age all except one who was the leader he would be about three years older, and this boy slapped my daughter across the face, and my son took him and three others on and pasted them, so much so i had to go to the police station. the oldest boy looked like he had been in a road crash. myboy was knocked about with a few bruises.
this is the boy who i could not get to put on a boxing glove never mind throw a punch, when i asked him about he replied that getting angry made hiom feel sick, so he didnt get angry, i just did what you said when i watched you showing the others.
your boy will grow up to be what he wants to be, let him regards LF

Answer 5

Make him realise that if he continues this sort of thing he will loose out on somehting good. Give the rest of them a treat for being and acting properly then he will relise wht he has got to do to achinve his goal.
Thats a rubbish idea because it depends upon what sort of person he is really.
You could also try to make him a bit more outgoing and tough by joining him to a gym and a Martial Arts club.
Be warned becuase once you start training him to do these things he may get out of contrll when he becomes older.

Answer 6

I wouldnt worry about it yet,,, seriously hes not even close to puberty when he would start to "toughin up" But if it makes you lose sleep :P try taking him to manly activities expecally ones hes interested in and get him around more men :) He might just feel as though hes had to be mommys little helper with the other kids so hes used to being more like mommy then daddy.... dont wory about it thought its just how some kids are,,,, mamas boys and daddy girls... its all good :)

Answer 7

Why are you "play" fighting? Violence (and yes, I think that's violent) is not the way to make him macho....and he's only 7....why should he be? I'm with the others who say enroll him in Karate or Judo or some type of martial arts. That will teach not only self defense skills, but will mold him in many other ways....good luck!!

Answer 8

Sounds to me like you have been a protective mother to him and he hasn't had the natural inclination to be fearless himself.
try enrolling him in a local martial arts club. He will learn, not only about self-defence, but about having the self-confidence and integrity amongst other things which will enable him to be confident in his own skin.
Also, this will make him cool to the other kids.
Good luck, and let go of the apron strings a little.

Answer 9

Don't try to change him, just let him be. He is who he is, and just because he seems girly to you now doesn't mean he always will be. (The girliest guy from my elementary school was the biggest "stud" of high school) And even though it's normal to want him to change, never let him know you want that or he will doubt himself and lose confidence. That said, you could enroll him in karate or another martial art. Not to toughen him up or anything, but because it's a great confidence builder, it's exercise, and it teaches discipline.

Answer 10

Don't toughen him up. You can't force your child to be macho. Chances are, if you leave him alone, he may be the most successful in life. If you try and toughen him up, he may very well become violent and aggressive, and end up beating on people and going to jail.

Let him act the way he wants to, and you may very well end up with a daughter in law and some beautifully behaved grandchildren one day.

Do get him into self defence though. I took classes, and it does help to know how to defend yourself. But don't force him into anything.