Help! Suggestions needed for dealing with nicotine addicts. Can you help me?

Question

I am well-educated in the disease of addiction as I am in a 12 step program for drug addiction and have been clean for 27 months. I live with my immediate family of 4 because I am disabled and receive no income and cannot relocate. Two of my relatives are prolific smokers. They have taken measures not to smoke in our presence, but their attempts to evacuate the smoke and to mask the odor does not prevent carcinogens from being in the air. I have many allergies and spend money on the treatment of them. My other family member who doesn't smoke has a heart condition and should not be around it. He always speaks up and gets backlash. I have sent them e-mails, phone messages, and speak up about it often only to hear that I am picking on them. I have been extremely patient and exceedingly diplomatic when I talk with them about it. I don't yell, and use my understanding of addiction and empathy. I am at my wits end. I need some ideas. Please help. Thank you very much.

My apologies for not informing you that I do pay to live here, contribute to what needs to be done here and the one with the heart condition is the head of the household.

Answer 1

If you live with these people, and are your family, asking them to quit smoking around you, is probably the best you can do, since you are living with them. It is sad, I lost my father to lung cancer, and it is horrible. They do not realize how bad they stink. I was a smoker, but did not realize the odor. I never smoked at work, but one day, someone asked me if I smoked, as I thought I could mask it, if I never smoked during the day. It was on my clothes. They just do not know. Talk to them, and tell them you care about them and do not want to lose them, but my bet is that they won't quit. You can get an air purifier, maybe that will work. Ask them to please be away from the house, or inside, just be outside. The odor will always be with them, in their hair, on their clothes, on their breath, it is just something they have to do on their own.

Answer 2

As you know, addiction is a nasty thing. However, in this case, you have 2 people who don't want to quit. No matter how many emails you send and how much you rant and rave, they are still not going to want to quit. Your only option, and that of the other family member, are to vacate the premises and cease contact, if your health effects are that important. You've got a rock and hard spot issue here.

That said, I understand what you said about disability and no income. You are then therefore living in their house, right? And they pay to put the roof over your head, the food in your mouth, and the health care you need -- and yet you also want to tell them what the house should be like. Sorry, no luck. As long as they are the ones picking up the bills, you simply can't dictate those terms. Find someone else who is willing to support you and move out. Better yet, see if there is some way in which you can earn an income. You are apparently not disabled enough to use a computer and you write very well -- have you thought of becoming an on-line moderator or doing customer service for a company from the home? That will give you choice in the future, choice that would allow you to move out should the need arise.

Answer 3

if they are smoking outdoors then there is no risk to you over the short term(30-50 years) so don't worry about it. The Anti-smoking movement has put out all kinds of dis-information in order to control peoples lives and it ends up causing problems for people who fear. there are many people who live into their 90's and smoke a pack a day.

Answer 4

do I have this correctly?
you don't make any financial contribution to your own support but you reserve the right to dictate terms and conditions for those family members who are supporting you?
if that's true I would show you the door.