I have had a huge crush on this guy I play chamber music with for about 3 months. The whole time, the relationship has been pretty undefined, with some flirting, but also, with him not talking about the fact that he has a girlfriend. Finally, my friend Nikki asked him point-blank if he had a significant other, and he said he had a girlfriend. I was sad and angry, because of all of the flirting, but I also felt some relief. Now, I feel that I can begin looking for other guys again and open up communication with him. I was thinking of writing him and saying pretty much that I am interested in pursuing a friendhsip with him, and would he like to go for drinks, and that I hope maybe is girlfriend would be okay with that. I really like the guy; I thinik we can offer each other a lot as friends, but I have been uncomfortable with this unspoken fact of this girlfriend and the mixed signals I seemed to be getting. Now, I feel I can protect myself. Do you think this is okay? Other advice?
2006-10-13 21:47:34 · 11 answers · asked by calliope 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you have feelings for him, I dont see what positive result could come from pursuing a friendship with him. You'll just start liking him more which in the end will hurt you, and most likely will cause problems for him and his gf. That will make him resent you and then you will have no cimmunication at all. And I don't know any gf in the world thats going to let her man go out with another woman for drinks when she knows the girl has feelings for him already.
2006-10-13 21:52:32 · answer #1 · answered by Just your average guy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't push anything. Letters never seem to have the same effect that we want. We end up saying way to much and you end up loosing the friendship you have because things get weird. I would be wary of trying to pursue anything with this guy while he is in a relationship, because it will make you look like you don't respect him and his girlfriend OR if he agrees and you two get together, what will keep him from doing the same to you in the long run. I am a firm believer in letting it happen naturally. If you try to push it or make it happen, it won't end well. If you let things progress nicely and you show that you are supportive and a good friend, if he is interested, he will let you know. This is a touchy situation, but I would choose the close friendship that could eventually turn into something over the pushy courting that could ruin the friendship and not to mention your chamber group.
2006-10-13 21:55:10 · answer #2 · answered by BarkFitness Pet Sitting 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes... No...
Well some things you have to have defined in your head as fact before you take any steps. For instance do you know that you'd be perusing a true friendship path without an ulterior motive?
Or more to the point will he accept this with out the intention of betraying his current attachment and giving you grief?
Was the flirting, the friendly I like you and you like me type but seeing as the situation is as is it's just harmless (not always, can cause triangles) fun, or is it definitely the high tension there's something more to it kind?
I'm just saying assess and go in eyes open whatever the course you wish to take with possible consequences.
2006-10-13 21:50:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being friends with him won't injury you. Flirting is organic between male and girls people. companion or not that's how we relate. He did not lie whilst asked at this trip so he isn't a real jerk. friends is okay do in basic terms not assume extra.
2016-10-16 04:34:04 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No.because he has a girlfriend & he will either reject you or try to play you both so,,,only pursue if he no longer has a girlfriend.Just be friends with him for now & if he is interested,,he will let you know & loose the girl.
2006-10-13 21:52:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you sound to be around my age, i find it hard to be friends with the opposite sex. its not impossible but highly improbable, my advice would be to not be a home wrecker. I dont think his gf will be OK with you asking him out for drinks, its a bad move. like i said there will be too much attraction to keep it just friends. i hope you make the right decision.
2006-10-13 22:03:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should go on with your life and don't
rush until you find the right person for you
instead going with someone who's looking for a
free ride ,don't go after Mr. wrong and try to
make him Mr.right (it'll never happen)
2006-10-13 22:01:55 · answer #7 · answered by massimo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have to ask then you should already know that the answer is no! Move on and let him live his life with his girlfriend. If he wanted you to be a part of it he wouldn't be with her.
2006-10-13 21:51:22 · answer #8 · answered by She-ra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should just hook up with me instead, chamber music rocks
2006-10-13 21:50:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
not a good idea.better stay away from him.it might get tricky for all 3.
2006-10-13 21:51:11 · answer #10 · answered by archie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋