"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner,
you'd better have a good hand."
Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately
doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
Rodney Dangerfield
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
Lynn Lavner
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
Camille Paglia
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The
other eight are unimportant."
George Burns
"Women might be able to
fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."
Sharon Stone
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
Tiger Woods
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-*****."
Jack Nicholson
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he
lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a
sense of humor)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip
out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
Billy Crystal
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more
comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front
of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course,
men are just grateful."
Robert De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because
men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'."
Jerry Seinfeld
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a
penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams
"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who
ties up whom."
Joan Rivers
"Sex is one of the most wholesome,
beautiful and natural experiences money can buy."
Steve Martin
" You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little
things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay
good money for in later life."
Elmo Phillips
" Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
Oscar Wilde
" It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
George Burns
2006-10-13 21:41:19 · 14 answers · asked by Linda 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Its 5:43am, thanks for the early morning laugh!
2006-10-13 23:44:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have a few for you [: We all can't be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sides and clap as they go by. Don't follow in my footsteps, because I run into a lot of walls. This isn't burger king, you can't have it your way. McDonald’s announced they will be adding 25 percent more beef to their hamburgers. As a result, McDonald’s hamburgers will now feature 25 percent beef.” A new study by the American Medical Association shows that having sex does not trigger a heart attack — it’s getting caught having sex that triggers the heart attack.” Men are like outhosues. All the good ones are taken and all the bad ones are full of crap Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. hope these helped [:
2016-05-22 00:39:36 · answer #2 · answered by Lizabeth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
http://www.quotegarden.com/sex.html
Sex is like the Theory of Relativity: the more you think about it the harder it gets!
Men get laid, but women get screwed - Quentin Crisp
When a guy goes to a hooker he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave!
For the first time in history, sex is more harmful than the cigarette afterwards. - Jay Leno
2006-10-13 21:52:49 · answer #3 · answered by girl from oz 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wow! That's a really long question. Don't know if I can read it all.
2006-10-13 21:46:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great Quotes!!!
2006-10-13 21:54:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My two fave things
Sex and comedy
2006-10-13 23:43:35 · answer #6 · answered by Roboz 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
pull down you pants and slide on the ice
2006-10-13 22:09:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
funny I like them all
2006-10-13 22:46:02 · answer #8 · answered by Robert G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh dear i have seen enough cant answer anymore of your unfunny jokes
2006-10-14 13:30:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
ha ha funny
2006-10-13 23:06:34 · answer #10 · answered by Pd 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
very funny!
2006-10-13 21:46:14 · answer #11 · answered by angel76 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋