My mum died in march this year,?

Question

I seemed to be mananging and then about 3 weeks ago, I have become very depressed, and struggling to cope, anyone any help to try and ease this please!

Answer 1

I am so sorry to hear that.

When my mum died a few years ago I tried to concentrate of remembering the funny things she said and did. Every time I felt like picking up the phone to ask her something, and I knew I couldn't, I would pretend that we were having the conversation and smiled when I heard her answer.

What I discovered was if I concentrated on the good times and not on her death I felt some comfort. I thought about what she would say to me if she knew I was struggling with her death and what how she would want me to get on with my life. (I can still hear her voice telling me to stop being silly)

Remember the good and give yourself time to come to terms with the loss. Don't put a time frame on this as you will be putting too much pressure on yourself.

Also speak to a Grief Counsellor in your area.

Answer 2

The following was sent to me several years ago and still helps me! It can help you:
Natural Highs or Things That Will Help Make You Feel Good! Think about them one at a time before going on to the next one. It does make you feel good, especially the thought at the end #45.
1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting a card or letter in the mail
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.!
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into someones eyes and knowing that they Love you
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke
24. Friends.
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29 Playing with a new puppy or kitten.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
40 Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

Answer 3

I am so sorry for your loss sweetpea. My mum died four years ago from cancer at the age of 47, and my whole world just fell apart. There were days when I really believed that I wouldn't make it through, but I am still here to tell the story. People grieve in different ways and at different paces. You can not ever put a time limit on grief and, it is my belief that we never really get over these things but, we learn how to deal with the feelings that grief causes. I went through so many different emotions and feelings that I felt like I was on a rollercoaster. One day I would be as high as a kite, the next I would be in floods of tears, the next I would be angry and then I would feel pretty normal again. I found writing to be a useful tool, because half of the time I wouldn't know why I was feeling what I was feeling. Writing helped me to put things into perspective and gave me an understanding. It is vital that you can talk to somebody about this because if you don't it can turn into abnormal grief, whereby the whole process gets a little bit mixed up and consequently can make you mentally ill. Do you have any breavement counsellors in your area, or psychotherapists? It may be helpful to get one, so that you have got somewhere to off load your feelings. I don't know what your family are like, but from my own experience, talking to my immediate family was difficult because they too were all mixed up. I had breavement counselling and, it was a godsend. You will get through this, and my advice to you is just let your feelings come and deal with them when they do. Don't feel afraid of them, they are a normal part of the healing process, and as time goes on they will become less and less, and you will develop tools to cope with them. Try also to focus on the good memories that you hold in your heart,and remember they will always be with you, nobody can take those away. Some people will tell you to move on or tell you its time to get over it. You will hear people say come on now, your mum would't have wanted you too be like this. You must grieve at your own pace. I still have days that I feel unable to cope with the feelings. So, don't let anybody tell you those things, because unless you have experienced it first hand, you have absolutely no idea. I am thinking of you. Take carexxxx

Answer 4

I am afraid I cannot ease this...but I can try and reassure you that what you are going through is a normal part of the grieving process..if there can be anything remotely 'normal' about grief. You have lost someone who has been there for the duration of your life, someone who brought you into this world and someone who you always thought would be around so you are gonna get times like this...my dad died last year and I am still finding things tough...I hate to realise that, physically, he is no longer here anymore. I am so sorry for your loss and your pain and do hope that, in time, the sun will shine for you again...in the meantime, I am sending of a huge cyber hug and wishing you well...give yourself some time to grieve xx

Answer 5

I'm sorry to hear that. It's not easy to lose someone very close. Just think that your mum would not want to see you in this state. She gave birth to you and loved you no matter what. She would only want the best for you. You have to live your life for her.

It's perfectly natural to feel depressed as the wound is still raw. Set time for yourself and cry your eyes out, but pull yourself together afterwards.

My mother lived abroad and died 22 months ago. I couldn't attend her funeral because I was 32 weeks pregnant at the time. In a way I feel that she is still with me cos I didn't see her too often. I only have happy memories of her.

Take care.

Answer 6

As a person who has been going through depression for the last few months, I have found the following to make me feel better.

1. Think of yourself. It is unfortunate that your mother has passed away. Remembering her is a great honor to have, but putting her first now doesn't do good for anyone. You deserve to think of yourself.

2. Get rid of your idle time. Take a walk or do a bit of exercise. This is what really gets me in the mood to do something else.

3. If you do have idle time, spend it concentrating on your breathing. Some call this meditation, I call it relaxing and unloading of a lot of stress that is causing me to be depressed.

4. Listen to friends/other members of your familly. You don't have to interact with them, although that would be ideal, but just observe and enjoy.

For your specific cause, you might want to spend some idle time creating a memory book of your mom and a diary of special moments you shared with her.

Good Luck

Answer 7

Hi there. If this has hit you so suddenly it may help you to go and see a grief counselor and talk thorough some of it. Many people experience a lot of grief with the loss of their mother. It doesn't mean you are sick or anything. It just means you have had a terrible loss. Check in your phone book or talk to your doctor for some recommendations. Do the counselling before you try any medications. You probably just need to talk through some stuff you have been holding inside. I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 8

there's quite a few things you can do. first I'm so sorry for you loss. this is a big thing you are going through so give yourself lots of support and praise everyday. your gp can give you some mild anti-depressants to help you..don't be scared of them they are ok and will help..you can also get councelling. Samaritans or your local citizen's advice should be able to put you in touch with some support groups like cruise and friends in bereivement. build your support network. friends and family you can ring or go to see so you are not feeling like a burden to one person. you can also try eft www.eftme.com read books and do activities that help you to grieve. give yourself lots of time. you don't say what or why your mum died. if it was an illness that you could inherit then take care of yourself and keep fit and eat healthy. think what your mum would want you to do and do it. God's blessing and love are always with you and my prayers too. Love M

Answer 9

You must feel as if your locked within yourself and posibily don't know how your going to get out of this. Your really need to find out more about depression and do a self rating, find out the effects it has on an individuals well being also long term effects and how it will drag you under.
help yourself by finding local help groups such as:- Dealing with breavement,
Psychotherapists. etc. I think the best place to start would be your doctor he will point you in the right direction without you having to do all the leg work, specially if your not feeling up to it. Evern play on friends and family to help you out of this. It will be worth it believe me i have been guiding my husband for the last 3 years. I wish you well in your fight. God Bless your mother.

Answer 10

Sorry about your Mum.
Death is never an easy subject to manage or talk about. It's the finality of it all that causes so much grief.
You've done brilliantly so far, but you need to continue with your life. Would your Mum want you to feel this way? Of course not, she'd want you to be happy and enjoy all the pleasures of life.
Remember your Mum in happy times, think of all the love she gave you and all the joy you brought her. You will always get upset when you think of her in death, but always end the tears with a memory of her smiling.
You'll cope.