Is this normal??

Question

I am due any day now and I am having some issues..lol. I dont know if its a protective instinct or what. I have been with my husband for 5 years now and married for two. This is our first baby together and I feel that it is so special and sacred. I already have this feeling that I dont want certain people to hold him, or let him be in a car with certain people. Im so afraid that he will die in his sleep because I read that white male babies are more likely to die from SIDS and that scares the pee out of me! I just feel like Im not going to get any sleep because Im gonna be starring at him to make sure he is breathing. Also people (such as parents and In-laws) are already telling me how to raise my baby and this drives me crazy! I just want to say this is my baby and I will take care of him the way I think he should be taken care of! Lol am I going crazy or have you all went through the same thing?

Answer 1

This kind of anxiety is very common and normal. Just try not to let these thoughts take over your mind; every time you start thinking this way, make an effort instead to think of all the good things motherhood has in store for you.

As for SIDS, you can minimize the risk. Always put him to sleep on his back, with no blankets, pillows, or toys in bed with him. If you think he might get cold, you can use an extra layer of jammies, but don't overdo it. Babies put to bed this way very, very rarely have SIDS.

Have fun and enjoy your new baby!

Answer 2

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! My firstborn is ten months old, and I'm Still struggling with these issues. It's okay to be overprotective, that's our function. :) I had these same fears. Colin was born 12 weeks early and had trouble with apnea; his brain wasn't mature enough to remind him to keep breathing. He's fine now, they grow out of it, but I still fear SIDS. We bought this Awesome baby monitor at BabiesRUs, it monitors sound AND motion. If the baby is still (ie not breathing) for 20 seconds the alarm will sound. This is the machine that allowed me to get what little sleep I could those first two months.
As far as unwanted advice. I could have pulled not only THEIR hair out but my own as well. Just keep smiling, thanks for the advice, and do it YOUR WAY ANYHOW!
Okay, not wanting your baby around certain other people is also totally normal, and not a bad idea. You ARE the one that will take the best care of your child. However, you HAVE to trust someone to care for him eventually. Not right away. We didn't let my mother watch Colin for 2 months! But you'll need a break, you HAVE to take one, seriously. Babies need alot less than we think, as long as they have the basics, food - sleep - affection, even if it's not exactly how you do it, It'll be okay.
This book "What to Expect: The First Year" has been really helpful with even the most obscure things. Good luck to you. Email me if you need some "New Mommy" support!

Answer 3

Yes Yes Yes you're normal! It definitely is a normal instict to be protective of your baby. I have had 4 and I went through the same thing each time! The best advice I can give about well-meaning (but just as anoying) people offering advice is to smile, thank them, take on board the things that you agree with and do it however you like. Sometimes people do have good suggestions but ultimately it's your baby. Don't be afraid to call on them to put their good advice into practice occassionally when you are tired and worn out, let them take them for a walk or baby sit for an hour or so so you can get some rest. Make the boundaries clear of what you want to do for yourself but always be polite because you never know when you might need them! As far as sids goes, just follow the info you will get from the hospital, clinic etc. The worry will get easier (when I first put my babies in their own rooms I cried because they were too far from me and I slept on the floor for a few nights).

Answer 4

Totally Normal! I went through the same thing with my first child. Tell them thanks for the advice and disregard what you know is bs. Sometimes those grandparents with "more experience" don't realize that parenting and medicine have evolved in the last 50 years! As for the part about SIDS.... I got no sleep for a few days because I was so worried I would not wake up if something went wrong or she stopped breathing but I realized that, just like a baby has to learn to soothe herself, we as new parents need to learn to do the same thing. It's hard to think about everything that could happen but if you spend all you time worrying you'll miss the good parts. Make sure to take it all in though because they grow so fast. Congrats and good luck!

Oh! and as far as not wanting certain people to hold him or drive him around... go with your gut always. Don't ever ignore those queasy feelings you get about certain people. I am telling you this from expirence. I wish someone had told me.

Answer 5

Sweetie you are NOT crazy. What you are feeling is totally normal! You are just being protective of your child! I did the same thing. Every new parent has those fears! I slept on the couch for the first few months holding the baby, because that way I`d notice right away if something was wrong.
Take the advice from your family to heart, BUT do what is right for YOU and your little family. You may need your parents and In-laws for a lot of things later on, so be nice! I know I called my mom like 5 times a day after my first baby was born, asking her all kinds of things.
Good Luck!!

Answer 6

Well all I can say is that you are not crazy...Your motherly instincts are kicking in is all. I went through the same thing and trust me when I say that the first time that you hold your baby you will know exactly what is right for you and your family. As far as in the parents and In-laws are concerned all you can do is just let them know(in a kind and gentle manner so not to hurt any feelings) that you and your husband can handle this and if you do need help or advice than you will ask for it. Make sure that you are firm when saying this..."if we need help than we'll ask for it but until then please keep your opinios to yourself" It worked for me but I am a very outspoken person but I am sure you kind find something that works for you. I know that you probably dont want anymore advice but if you have any questions you can find almost anything online or you can email me with any questions or concerns that you might have. Everything works out eventually.

Answer 7

Protective maternal instincts I should say. It is a pretty normal feeling but don't let yourself carried away by those negative thoughts. Think of good things that you want to happen to your baby instead. You are right, you are the mother and you will take care of the child you want to be but do not overemphasize on that point. There are another family members around who say something to show you that they also care about your baby. I admit it rings your ear to listen especially from the in-laws sometimes but one day you will realize that there is a benefit to listen from what they are saying. Your baby will be a new member of the family and the family wants to give their share by anyway so just bear with them. In the long run your baby won't live his world just betwen you and him-he needs to live in a society and family members are those whom who will let him to learn such thing at an early stage of life.

Anyway, it is a feeling that cannot be avoided right now but you will get to resolve it hopefuly once your baby is actually in your hands. Don't make it a big deal. Take care.♥

Answer 8

I had that kind of feeling before I deliver my baby. I was afraid that I might fall while carrying my baby. I was afraid of dropping my baby and many more. But the fear soon went off after I delivered. I guess it's normal. It must be the hormones doing the havoc. It can also be the motherly protective instinct that we have. Just don't let it ruin your new exciting role as a mother. If the feeling persist, see a doctor. Take care and enjoy your new role.

Answer 9

This is all very normal. It's always more scary the first time around. I don't want to scare you but please be careful and don't try to get obsessive about keeping your child sheltered either. That's a form of PPD. Anyway, the other adults are just trying to help in their own little way. They may have the experience you may not have. About SIDS, yes no bumpers or pillows, but you can also lay him on his side with a wedge support. I don't think you'd have to have the baby in your room for six months, maybe one, but a monitor is great and checking on him is fine too.

Answer 10

NORMAL! I was/AM! the same way. My son is almost 2. You will always be worried about your child, his whole life! Honestly, just smile and nod if thier advice is well meaning, but once they become pushy, etc. then you can tell them to back off and he is your child, etc.

And with the SIDS, just do a LOT of research. Pacifiers are good, sleeping in a crib in your room for the first 6 months is the recommendation now, NO bumpers (there is something called the breathable bumper I use), NO pillows/blankets/stuffed animals, and always, always, ALWAYS on his back to sleep.