Anyone feel like Grandma is too involved?

Question

Okay, this is what I'm feeling like, but here's the deal. I'm 22, single, and pregnant with my first child. I haven't graduated from college yet (still have a couple semesters left) and the dad isn't involved, so my Mom and Step-dad have graciously let me move in with them. I haven't been a moocher, I work full time and go to school at night full time. Well, this is my Mom's first grandchild, and sometimes I feel like she thinks this baby is hers. She's never said anything like that directly, but I just worry. In reference to a sonogram I have next Wed. (to find out the sex) she was telling someone "Well WE'LL find out next Wed." (As opposed to Melissa) And she bought a playpen the other day and was like, "This will be GRANDMA'S special place for the baby" and we're all living in the same house, so I don't get that. I want her to be involved, I wish I just had a little something to myself. I just don't want her to think I'm too young to be a good mom

Answer 1

Let her help as much as she wants. Your very luck to have attentive grandparents. My kids grandparents dont care whether they see my boys or not yet they were very excited at the prospect of being grandparents when I was pregnant. Just make sure the grandparents understand you'll bring up the child by your rules.

Answer 2

By the sounds of it your mom is just really excited. By no means does she feel that you won't be a good mom or that it is hers. It is her first grandchild. When she says we'll find out...it sounds like she is close to you and she really cares. Having her special place for the baby is sweet because she knows you will be with the baby most of the time, and you wil have your own special places for it -you can make your own. Grandparents that are close to their grandchildren have a very special bond. Be thankful, not resentful, it can be hard raising those little guys and any help you get you will probably be greatful for. Any love and affection she showers it with is not meant to disrespect you. However, if you think she is going to far you have to say something or it will drive you crazy. Even in a kidding way you could say hey, do you think this is your baby? And you might get an honest answer. Before you say anything take a breather and think about it, your hormones are probably all over the place!

Answer 3

Oh come on hon let your Mom enjoy this. Its her first grandchild a special time in her life. Your Mom cant take anything away from your relationship with your child all she will do is add more love and caring into your childs life. When the baby comes you will see how tired you are then Grandma's place for the baby won't seem so threatening but rather a good thing as it will represent rest for you and love and special times for the baby. Im a Grandmother and my first grandchild and I are best buddies! I am so happy to have been able to spend time with her. I am sure your Mom is gonna feel the same way. And when she We'll find out next Wed. well isnt that how it is. You will find out so will she. All good luck to you, your precious little one and to your Mom too.

Answer 4

Okay! I'm 22 single and I just had my first child September 5th. I'm also in the military and live about 13 hours away from home town. My mom flew out here along with my sister when the baby was born. (On my due date and I was 5 days past due) I felt like she was taking over my house and what I was doing. She was acting like this was her first grandchild. When it's really her 3rd grand. And it's the 3rd girl... They do think it's theirs lol. But it's mostly because they see their baby having a baby and they want to help out. When the baby is born she probably losen up a little. I had to ask my mom to hold her because she didn't want to smother me. When they say "WE'LL FIND OUT THE SEX OF THE BABY". They just mean the family. It's common for people to say that. So don't worry. Families (especially grandparents) get overly excited. Can you blame them? You suffer for a little then it'll die down hopefully. When my mom left to go back home she called me 5 times a day for about a week. I just had to let her know that I needed my rest. You're not to young! Young is these 14 year olds having kids now adays. If you want to chat you can IM me. Good Luck

Answer 5

Okay, I hear you. I'm a grandma of 2 and my daughter is 22 years
old. The only thing I didn't do was what your mom is doing. She
not claiming your child she just excited to finally have a grand
child coming from you. What you need to do is just talk to her
and let her know how much you appreciate her helping you out.
And that they both excepted you and the baby (to be) to stay with
them until you can get back on your feet. Tell her what you don't want her to do is buy everything, other wise you'll have nothing
to buy for your baby when the baby comes. She'll get the hint
and slack off a bit. Yes she'll still see some things that maybe
you didn't see and she just can't resist but buying it. See when
my daughter and my daughter (then boy-friend, Now Fiance)
was living with me, We had that same old talk and I let them
buy what ever they wanted. But when she asked for the help
I then stepped in. Now they have their own place for 3 1/2
years and Now I can buy what ever I want to buy because
what It can stay here or it can go home with them. So just let your mom knew how you feel, it might hurt a little, but she'll
understand. When you get your own place let her buy what
ever she wants and let it stay at her place so when your child
goes over to visit he/she will have something to play with.

Answer 6

Hi! I'm doing the same thing as you. I'm living with my parents, my ex husband left my daughter and I high and dry, but I am working and going to Nursing school. My dad helps me alot with my daughter but sometimes we conflict on issues. It is very hard, but simply pick your battles. If it really is important to you, put your foot down. But think it through. I try to keep my mouth shut on minor annoyances but if you think it is important or life threatening or against the law(my parents didn't know some of the new car seat laws) then speak up. Remember it has been a while since they had a baby around, they are excited and want to do the best for the child too, but you will just have to trust your instincts. They work! Don't believe all the advice everyone gives you and doctors can be wrong too! If your instincts tell you different get a second opinion. I hope all goes well!

Answer 7

She is being normal actually. After all, this is her first grandchild and she is just expressing her excitment for the new arrival soon.

My mom was the same way with my sister's first child, the second (who passed away) and the third. But as my nephew was my mom's first grandchild, my mom spoiled the banana's out of him.

However, as you being a newly mother, you are not used to having that type of care and behavior. That is a normal feeling as you want to establish your existance in this child's life.

Boundries will be set as time goes on. You both are learning something at once. She is learning to be a grandmother as you are learning to be a parent. You both will collid on a lot of things, no doubt.

"I wish I just had a little something to myself"

What do you mean by that? If you wish for that to happen, then make it happen.

Your mom seems to feel as you are living under her roof, she is part responsible and want to bring the child into the world too. After all, I think she is providing to some of expenses as you are a single 22 full time worker on school and work. This grandmother is going to step in obviously as you are already trying to be super mom, which will burn you out like crazy after all.

Those little things I wouldn't be concerned about. She might tell you some things to do, but as a parent, you have to say "I appreciate what you are saying and I will think about it, but if I feel different, then let me try my way first and if that doesnt work, lets try yours". Not every child is raised the same nor is able to have the same parenting skills. So, you respecting hers, but asking for respect back.

Answer 8

OK, You are a full time student and you work full time, at least for now right. You will eventually go back to school and work. Where will the baby go, while you are not at home? Please be have patience with your mom. She is very excited do not bite the hand that feeds you. Finish school you will need her help. When you are done with school you can find a day care center near your work. So that you can send baby to and you can see him/her during lunch and breaks. You can give your mom one day a week maybe Sat. or Sun. if you have to work. I do have one suggestion in regards to the babies sex. Change your appt. and do not tell mom, have the tech write it down, and do not open it at all, or wait till much much later in your pregnancy. Be sure you have a good excuse before doing it, so that you do not step on your own toes. There are some pretty neutral themes you can use for both sexes. lambs, stars, noahs arch, zoo, frogs...

P.S. I am a first time mom & I live 3 hours away from MY mom, sisters, mother in law,... I wish I had my mommy. You are so lucky.

Answer 9

I think that's pretty common behavior for most grandmothers, and it especially seems to be the case with the younger ones (meaning women who become grandmothers in their 40s as opposed to those that become grandmothers in their 50s or 60s). I think her thing is probably that she's very excited about having her first grandbaby, and because you don't have a partner going through all this with you, she wants to, either consciously or subconsciously, step in and help fill that void.

I don't think that she's thinking that you aren't going to be a good mom. The fact that you are so responsible (working and going to school) should be a good enough sign for anyone that you are an adult and prepared for what's coming. I honestly think it's just the excitement thing.

If you have a good relationship with her where you feel you can talk openly, why don't you try talking to her about your concerns? I know a lot of times, and for some reason this happens a lot with mothers and daughters, we each assume we know what they other is thinking. A good heart-to-heart can clear up a lot of confusion and in your case might make you feel better.

I wish you the best, both with dealing with your family, and with your pregnancy. I hope your baby is born healthy, and that many good things come your way.

Answer 10

yup...i fell like that ALL the time....my ma does the same things...only she has said the baby is her....actually it was more like "our baby" and even sometimes "my baby" and i have no idea why she thinks she can say that....i had my baby in Feb.05 and didnt finish school until june05...after i had my son i didnt go back to school until the middle of april...so she babysat for me from the middle of april until the end of june...for me to finish HIGH school...and i lived with my mom and dad then but when my son was 5 months we moved out...and she never offers to take him for the day...or the night for me to get some sleep...he is 191/2 months but he still gets up a million time in the night evwen though when he was 31/2 weeks until 10 months he slept thru the nite....but she doesnt even off to take him for 1 hour for me to get a shower...much less taking him for a whole day or nite lol!!! but i know how u feel, cuz she is doing the same things...but dont worry about the "special place" i think she will get over that lol hopefully...and maybe she is just really excited about you having a baby...but as for the ultra sound thing...my ma never ever did that...she always said "Stacey" had to go to the dr. or had an ultrasound....but just try not to worry too much until the baby gets here...see what happends!!! i hope this helps you some...take good care of ur self now!!!!

Answer 11

You're young and you are headed in the right direction. You're also very independent, though you are not on your own. You must realize that you do have ultimate control over your situation and in the future, grandma won't be able to spend nearly as much time as she wants to with the baby. She'll only have the opportunity to be around her First grandchild and will probably reminisce about you when you were a baby. You'll have plenty of time in the future to stress yourself out and with 2 full-time commitments, you can burn yourself out. Consider it a vacation, because when you're gone, you'll miss Grandma being so conveniently located.